- 8 years ago
- Wedding: January 2000
About 4 years ago my dad met my stepmom. They dated and after a while got engaged. They were married two years ago. My mom is an alcoholic and is very emotionally unavailable and not a very motherly person. My stepmom has been a second mom to me almost from the very beginning.
The problem is my dad. His side of the family is full of depression, and my dad has had a difficult life. He was raised by an abusive alcoholic father and an enabling mother. He then married my mom, an alcoholic, who lied and cheated on him for years. He’s a very angry person. In the last 5-6 years, he’s mellowed a lot. But he is still a very difficult person to be around. He often comes home from work in an awful mood, is very sullen and sulky, and takes his anger out on everyone around him. Everyone walks around on eggshells around him, afraid to spark his temper. He and my stepmom have made it through a lot of tough times, but I know it’s very difficult and trying on her.
My dad has been working a TON of overtime at his already stressful job and has been just miserable lately. My step mom planned a trip to NYC to see Lakers/Nicks game and my dad decided he didn’t want to go because of work. So she changes it from a weekend trip to an evening trip, taking the train from Albany. He was okay at the beginning, but then got in an awful mood. He stomped off from her, and didn’t come back. He bought another train ticket because she had his with her, didn’t sit near her, and then took a cab home from the train station. He packed some of his things and went to his other house (which he’s been remodeling) an hour away. He sent her an email the next morning saying that she “held him hostage” and she didn’t know him at all. He needed his space and basically berated her for “forcing” him to go to the game, an anniversary present. My step sister (17 and living with them) told my step mom that she was furious that he had did this again and never wanted him back in the house. my step mom just said “I know”.
He still hasn’t come back, and I’m worried that its’ the end. Even if it’s not, I think it would only be a temporary fix. He does this kind of crap a lot, but this time it was really bad. My stepmom is not perfect, but she puts up with a lot of bull shit and double standards from my dad. I feel for her so much, but there’s nothing I can do.
And my wedding is in less than 4 months!!! I know I can’t worry about it too much until they either officially split or until they fix things, but I can’t imagine a wedding without either one of them there, and I know that if they split, they couldn’t both be in the same room with one another. I feel like I’d just cancel the wedding if they don’t make it. Her family has adopted me as one of their own, and they make up over half of my side of the guest list. I can’t imagine them not being there, but know they wouldn’t come if dad and my stepmom split.
I don’t want to be spolied and take on the attitude that if i can’t have it my way, it’s not worth it. But I can’t imagine proceeding if they aren’t there together with both of their families. Plus my step sis is a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I’m thinking maybe we’d cancel the wedding and just have a party with FI’s family so they don’t miss out.
I am so mad at my dad. I know it’s not my battle, but he just can’t see how he affects everyone around him, and it’s hurting a lot of people.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this before? what did you do?