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@al1988: because im not educated on the subject i assumed that your father is providing a dowry to the grooms family, is this correct or is it the grooms family that provides it?
No In Islam, the groom presents a gift to the bride, what ever the bride wants, be it little or a lot and the father ( Under Islamic law ) shouldn control the dowry amount- its stricly the brides property
i personally wouldtn want anything, but since its an Islamic obligation for the woman to recieve a gift from the man I was going to ask for a very small amount- maybe even 10 bucks haha, but my dad has high expectations so its really getting me upset.
:(
I don't think most people have dowry's. Trust funds, yes, but not dowry's.
Islamicly girl must have a dowry. ( Mahr )-- It has to be anything even if its somethin very small
That sucks. Your father must be very traditional. I guess just talk to your dad about it, and let him know why you think a large amount is unnecessary, ex: given the day and age we are currently living in, whatever your reason might be.
@al1988: Well if your father wants it to be large there must be a reason. Talk it over with him and find out the underlying reason. Can't be much more help - I don't know much about Islam. 
No In Islam, the groom presents a gift to the bride, what ever the bride wants,
really (and thank you for explaining), i assumed it the other way to be honest so nice to hear there is some balance in the system! i understand honoring customs and some tradtions but i hope hes not being too outrageous about this - i hope one of the other ladies have an answer for you
well- if you are doing joint finances after the wedding, you can have him present whatever astronomical sum he wants, since it'll go right back into the communal pot once you say "i do"!
@al1988: I agree with @Ms. Meowerson:. If you're planning on buying a house/apartment after the wedding, maybe have the funds earmarked for that. : )
I would say talk to your FI about what he can afford and possibly talk to your father and try to gauge what "large" means to him.
I also think that if the money will be yours, then it doesn't matter how much you receive, since you will be sharing it with your husband anyway.
I understand that a dowry used to be a "safety net"...but in today's day and age women are usually earning their own wage.
I'm also marrying a muslim, but since he has no family here I don't have to deal with any of this. YAY!
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!
@Ms. Meowerson: thats a great idea! then it shows like a dowry but its all coming from and going back to the same place!
you should ask for a puppy lol tell your dad its a pure bred and very expensive lol
I decided on my own dowry and I'm making it according to our significant dates! My dowry will be in 3 currencies (Rupiah of Indonesia, my country; Kuna of Croatia, my FI's country; and Euro). The Euro will be 77.12 (that's the wedding date 7-7-12), the Kuna will be 142.11 (around 20 euro, that's the date when he proposed 14-2-11) and the Rupiah will be 12,110.00 (around 1 euro, that's the date we first kissed 12-1-10). So overall my dowry will be amounting only 340.33 (that's like around 500 USD maybe?) I know it's not much, but the dates mean a lot to me! And I don't care about the amount anyway. One hadist in Islam said "the most valuable woman is the one who has the least dowry", so I believe it never had to be much.
Ladies, Ive decided to just go wth the flow and tell my dad I dont want a high dowry. I like contacted many well known shiekhs ( Muslim scholors ) and they all told me it was up to me. Sooooo, wish me luck! haha.
did your FI get you an engagement ring? if so can you get your dad to view that as your dowry ? If he didn't get you one see if that could be your dowry lol just an idea Idk if it has to be cash but it's a nice investment
this is so embarassing..asking somebody to give x amount of money or gold..its really pathetic ( IM muslim too) it should be whatever the groom and his family can buy and give...
its haraam too.... dad is greedy ;)
well we call is mahr ?..lol but yea we just had our kitb ketab and we agreed the mahr would
be from ten grand - to 25k. MY parents never asked for a dime but that is what my DH wanted to give.
also i do not think it is right in islamic terms for your dad to want alot in a sence it is what the man can afford to give the women.
there was a hadith that stated '"a man can give a bride a memorized verse of the qoran if he has nothing else to give"
Hey I don't know if you figured this out but what we do in my family is that they don't ask for a dowry, but rather a silver dollar and give me money to buy stuff to prep for the wedding. However my future father in law wanted to give something so on top of that i get a jewelry set. If that helps any, I didn't want a large sum of money or jewelry, so I didn't really care and left it to my dad.
Give me a Starbucks giftcard and we will call it a day!
I always thought that a dowry was what the bride's father paid the groom... at least that's how European dowry's went.
But either way, couldn't your engagement ring be the dowry?
That is usually a misconception, but in Islam it's a gift to the bride. I do have friends that did that, had their engagement ring/band as their dowry. My fiance did not want to do that, he wanted to give me that on his own and keep it special.
@FutureMrsMenjivar: hahahaha! I would have just been happy with that! My fiance and I are from two different background cultures (I'm Lebanese and he's Pakistani) and we are both born/raised in America so things are a little different for us when it comes to expectations. Our parents don't really have a say in much, so I guess there are certain things I"m letting them have to keep up some kind of tradition for their sakes :).
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Just curious to how much your dowries were? My dad has this assumption that it should be such a huge amount..
* sigh*