Post # 1
Hi, this is my first post and hoping you can help. My fiancé and I got engaged about a year ago, we’ve been in a long term relationship and suppose you could say we’re childhood sweethearts. Our families are delighted for us. My dad is a kind man and despite not living with him since I was a young child he always tried to do what is right for me. My fiancé and I decided that we’d focus on buying a house as it seemed like the most sensible option setting ourselves up for married life. I’m of the opinion that it’s the marriage is more important than the wedding. Anyway, we have always been honest that this would be our focus before saving for a wedding but it seems dad has only just realised we plan on moving in together when the house is finished (in less than 2 months). He has since expressed his major (religious) concerns about us living together before getting married. I’m devastated and my fiancé is horrified at the timing and embarrassed as well. I want to be able to tell dad that this is what we want to do but I don’t want him to fall out with us about it and not visit. We can’t (and won’t) back out of the house now, but this is going to cast such a huge cloud over our moving in when for the last few months we’ve been so happy and excited. I’m just so upset by it all and I know it will cause a rift between our families no matter what we do.
Please help 🙁
Post # 3
Is he just a voicing concern and disappointment or expressing anger? Is he expecting you to change your plans? What will he do if you do not?
Post # 4
@nooraalj: he says he’s “worried” about us “going about it the wrong way” and he seems to think either one of us could live in the house but not together till we’re married which I think is madness. I’m not really sure what he’d do if we went ahead and moved in.
Post # 5
Stay excited, don’t let yourself get down. Keep your dad involved, tell him how much you love him and how important he is to you, but make sure he knows what you want in this life. I guess this is one of those situations that will always make a father nervous and he might feel better when he voices his feelings rather than keeping them in.
Post # 7
I think its crazy when people don’t live together before getting married. I’d tell your dad that you value his opinion, but honestly at the end of the day it isn’t his decision.
Post # 8
@supergirl88: you are an adult. Dad does not get a day in your choices. Your new husband is your primary family and you need to make decisions based on what is best for your life with him, not your dad.
Post # 9
@supergirl88: I’m not really sure what he’d do if we went ahead and moved in.
Time to find out.
Are you renting now? Is your wedding really not for another 2 years? Can you talk some logic into it to him (how much financial sense it makes) to help him get over it?
Post # 10
Thank you for the replies so far. We haven’t yet set a date (I had to set an approx date when joining 🙂 ) but its again partly to do with my dad saying he’d be “disappointed” if its not in a church. If I had my way we’d elope. My fiancé and I are in our late and mid 20s so we’re definitely not kids! We’re still living with our parents.
Post # 11
If you are old enough to get married you can make your own decisions. Don’t let your father ruin your excitement. It sounds like you and your FI have worked hard for this! Enjoy it 🙂
Post # 12
@supergirl88: If you’re not virgins waiting for marriage to have sex for the first time, move in together!
And if you are, move into seperate rooms! You’re adults and fully capable of handling this.
Post # 13
I know how this feels. When DH went and spoke with my parents about getting engaged my dad told him that he doesn’t want us living together before getting married. This would have been fine if I could have lived with my parents but we moved eight hours away so it didn’t make sense financially to do both get an apartment when we would probably be spending the majority of our time at one apartment anyways.
He voiced his disappointment throughout our engagement (and so did my mom) but outside of those uncomfortable moments they left it alone. Move in together and don’t let him take the joy out of it. You have very logical reasons to move in together which he should see if he looks at it from your point of view.
Post # 14
Do what you want and what’s best for you… I think every couple does this at one point or another. Your dad will get over it.
Post # 15
There comes a point when you simply can’t always live up to your parents’ expectations. You are both adults and while you can respect your father’s views, you don’t have to go along with them. This applies to living together and where and when you get married.
Post # 16
Thank your dad for voicing his concerns and say that you and FI think its best that you two live together before getting married, that this has always been YOUR plan as a couple.