Dad hates fiance… HELP!!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
42522 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

sarebear1998:  really? I don’t understand why he would be so over protective when you are 16, and graduating high school and college at the same time.

Post # 3
Member
6644 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Um you are 16! Hello… any good parent would be upset and that their daughter at that age is getting married.  Doesn’t matter if you are graduating both HS and college, you are his LITTLE GIRL…

Post # 4
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

You’re 16? Really? Why on earth would you want to tie yourself to someone for life at 16 years old? Is this something that is normal in your culture?

Post # 6
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I would have to guess, it’s not the guy but your age. I suggest you have a long sit down talk with your dad and ask him point blank what he wants in a man for you and what his concerns are. Why are you getting married so young? Is that legal where you are? Are you pregnant? 

I have a 20 yr old and a 17 yr old and I would be very upset as well if either wanted to get married right now. I got married the first time at 26 and I’m intelligent and knew what I was doing but now at 45 I realize I should have waited longer. You might think you are ready, but your brain is still developing, you aren’t an adult yet. The odds of a marriage lasting getting married at your age are staggering high for divorce. 

definitely talk to your dad a first and seriously think about having a longgggggg engagement. 

Post # 7
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

sarebear1998:  Just because you have sped up your educational accomplishments, does not mean you can speed up your biological maturity and brain development. You may feel very mature and aware right now (and I am sure you are mature for your age), but the reality is that you will change a lot in the next 5-10 years. It’s not a matter of if because it is garuanteed you will change. Whether or not you and your FI will change together remains to be seen.

As other PPs have said, your father (like any good parent) is probably worried that you are too young for marriage. Just think for a minute, if you had a 16 year old daughter, would you honestly be giddy with joy about the idea of her getting married so young, especially when the odds would be against her?

Post # 9
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I was 17 when I got engaged and damn right my dad didn’t approve! And he had a good point! 16 is young to be engaged. Take it from someone who’s living through it. We’re having a long engagement (5+ years most likely) because we both realise getting married this young doesn’t give us enough time to explore the world. We know we are right for each other so we aren’t breaking the engagement but we’re both waiting until we have fully stable full time positions, debt free, and out of school. You and I are both still young ones. We have time to do all of this. My mother also got married at 16 and she didn’t like it one bit. I guarantee you that your mother regrets it. 

 

ETA: It’ll get better. FI and I have been together almost four years now and have known each other for nine, and my very traditional dad treats him like a son now. FI isn’t even Indian (Canadian/Chinese), and my dad hated that at first, but now he says he would have never found an Indian man to arrange for me that would treat me as well as my FI does. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  akirasan.
Post # 10
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

sarebear1998:  If you were my daughter…… Oh honey, you are too inexperienced to understand, but someday you will. In the meantime, be a good girl and listen to your daddy. He knows better than you, and his demeanor comes from a place of love, experience, and wisdom. Just stop and listen to him. 

bmo88:  True! Our frontal lobes don’t even finish forming completely until about the age of 27!

Post # 11
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I am also Indian too, if that helps. 

Post # 13
Member
6644 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

sarebear1998:  Doesn’t matter if traditional or not, I know as a parent myself I would be extremely upset if my child was getting married at age of 16.  Even if it was tradition. That is way to young and way to immature to be getting married. Just because it is tradition doesn’t mean you can’t break that tradition.  

Post # 14
Member
42522 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

sarebear1998:  I thought the legal age to marry in Australia is 18 , unless the court has approved a marriage when one of the pair is between 16 and 18. Has your marriage been approved by the courts?

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