Post # 1
I just need to vent alittle. sorry if its too long 🙂
Im almost 30yrs old and have waited a looooong time to find the right man to marry. so this wedding is very important to me. Im not having anything elaberate or expensive, Im doing alot of things myself to save money. My fiances parents and my mom are super excited about the wedding but my dad seems like he couldnt care less. my fiances parents have given us 2400 toward the wedding and i asked my dad to pay for the DJ and the room rental fee which is 1100 (500 for dj and 560 for room) when i asked he said u guys need to come over and talk to us about it. well i was upset because I even had to ask him. I havent had to ask my mom or my fiances parents to help, they have offered.
so we went over to talk to them about it and my dads wife was asking me about all the plans while my dad is basically just ignoring the conversation. i asked if they would pay for the dj and she said yes and then I asked about the room fee and didnt get an answer. so I assumed it was a no.
i was starting to get upset thinking that maybe my dad didnt like my finace and that was why he didnt want to help with anything. so i send a text to my sister and ask her if my dad has said anything to her about not like my finace and she says no that hes never said anything to her. so she send him a messge asking if he likes my fiance and he says yes y? she she says because thats what your daughter is the reason your not interested in the wedding. he tells her no that not the problem. its that nxt yr my brothers are going to be granduating and god knows how much it was going to cost him so he didnt have 1000 to just hand me for a wedding.
should i feel hurt or am i just being too dramatic?
Post # 3
I’m sorry, but you are 30 years old. You shouldn’t expect your parents to pay for anything. It’s great that some did. But seriously? It’s their money and they can chose to do whatever they want with it.
Post # 4
I agree with @ohmybears48. It was kind of rude to ask your dad to pay for something. Be gracious that your mom and FIs parents offered money. No one is required to pay for your wedding but you.
Post # 5
Yeah your dad doesn’t have to pay for anything. I don’t think that means he isn’t happy for you at all, he just doesn’t have a spare $1k to hand over to you. Frankly, I think it’s kind of rude that you asked. They are graciously paying for the DJ, and you should be thankful for that.
Post # 6
If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to pay for the wedding yourself. It’s a bonus that your mother and your Future In-Laws have offered to help financially – they aren’t under any obligation to do so.
Your father hasn’t set out to deliberately hurt you. You’ve come to him asking for money, and he doesn’t have it to give to you. I wouldn’t have asked in the first place.
Post # 7
you can pay for it yourself. you are old enough.
Post # 8
I’m 31 and though my parents are paying for most everything, I put my foot down and purchased my dress, the wedding invitations and a bunch of other things because I didn’t feel comfortable going on a free ride when I have been working for myself and making a decent living for the last 10 years. If people are gracious enough to offer it’s one thing, but to feel entitled to anything is inappropriate. At our age, it’s reasonable for parents to assume that you can afford to pitch in!
I’m sure your Dad has no intentions of hurting you – actually, I’m sure his lack of response was because he didn’t want to hurt or disappoint you. Don’t expect anything more than what he willing gives and just be thankful for it.
Post # 9
The little details are just never going to interest the typical dad as much as the typical mom or step-mom…they just don’t get into that stuff for the same reason you’re probably doing most of the wedding planning rather than your Fiance. But I don’t agree with feeling like he should of offered money – and it’s even worse to start sending texts about whether or not he likes your Fiance because he ‘only’ is paying for the DJ. Your dad probably feels like all you care about is the money, since it seems like you’re relating everything back to that. You’re equating how much he cares with how much money he offers to give you, and he is probably thinking something pretty similar about you – that you just want him involved for his money, and that he had to ask to get you to e ven come over, which he probably feels like he shouldn’t have to ask about either. And I don’t think either of you are right in thos efeelings, but there needs to be much better communication here.
I would drop the money thing. If you want to talk wedding with your dad, talk about the walk down the aisle and your father-daughter dance. Show him that you care about having him involved in your day for more reasons than his checkbook, and I’m sure he’ll start showing the interest you want. But he probably won’t offer more money – it doesn’t sound like he is in the position to do so, and he shouldn’t have to.
Post # 10
I guess i didnt explain myself well enough…..and some of u are quick to jump to conclusions. his wife did ask if we needed anything for the wedding and thats the reason I asked for those things. I wasnt upset as in mad that he didnt offer money to help,,,,i just thought that he might want to help out with it since its such a big day for me. we (my fiance and I) have already purchased alot on our own.
as for the messages about if he liked my fiance or not…..i just asked my sister to see if he had said anything to her. since he had told me many times that he disliked her ex. I thought maybe he didnt like him and didnt want to have any part in the wedding, I didnt know. she took it upon herself to send him msgs. and if he didnt have the money to do it, I NEVER would have asked in the first place.
We see him quite a bit but never by ourselves so we didnt think it was appropiate to talk to him about it in those situations. I am basically just upset that he doesnt seem to care about the wedding. when i asked for him to help me pick out a song for us to dance to he just grumbled under his breathe.
i hope i made the situation alittle more clear. and now i know to explain things better next time
Post # 11
you have to be careful with certain issues on here. it’s easier to respond that you are “old enough to pay for your own wedding,” and “people can do whatever they want with their own money,” than to actually try to relate to the person and have sympathy. obviously your post was about the fact that you are afraid your father doesn’t care about your wedding, not the money. hopefully you and he can work it out. *hugs*
Post # 12
@Spider Mum: The original post came off that it was more about money than it did with other issues, that is why OP got the reponses she did.
OP: I’m sorry you’re Dad isn’t showing the interest you want, but maybe he is feeling disappointed he can’t help more and that’s preventing him from being more involved, or maybe it’s such a big topic now that he feels it’s all anyone talks about. But really if you’re worried about it you should be talking to him directly and not everyone else, it just makes for more tenision when there might not be any
Post # 13
OP, keep in mind that your father is a man, and many (if not most) men are bored to tears with wedding planning. They much prefer if you just tell them when to show up, what to wear and what to do. You may never get the level of enthusiasm and excitement out of him that you’d like because men in general just don’t get excited over fabrics, colors, or any of it. Heck, I’ve had to translate the sample menus from “catering-ese” to “man-speak” for my mister, because as soon as I start rattling on about “lightly seared then presented with a crisp tower of flash-fried onion petals” his eyes glaze over and he just groans.
As for the financial contributions, please try to keep in mind that your father is likely at or approaching the end of his time as a wage-earner; as a father, he’s probably not used to discussing details of his finances with his children, but he may be brushing you off simply because that’s easier than telling you honestly what he can and can’t afford. I’d make the plans to pay for everything on my own and if the topic comes up again (or if you can find a way to bring it up delicately), say something like “I’ve already gotten deposits put down by credit card but the DJ is $X so if you’re still willing to take care of that, I could apply your check to my card balance.”
Post # 14
@cassy.thompson1: I would be upset about him seeming like he doesn’t want to be involved too, not with respect to money, but things like picking out the song, etc. That being said, I wouldn’t discuss the money issue any more. He may be sad he can’t contribute more, he may not want to, it really doesn’t matter. I personally don’t think you should ask for money, much less expect it, but I can see how him not wanting to be involved in the decision making process would be upsetting.
Maybe discuss with him why you want to have his input in the planning process and why it means so much to you.