Post # 1
So I have been tryingto calm down but I just needed to vent with other bees that know what it is like to plan a wedding.
My dad is pretty cool for the most part but lately he has gotten in my nerves so bad that I don’t even want to talk to him because I don’t want to get in an argument. When I started planning the wedding (May of last year) I asked him if he wanted to invite any of his friends, he said just one who is almost like family and I would love for them to come.
Two weeks ago he reconnect with someone who used to be his best friend in college 28 years ago and who happens to be my “godfather” but I have never met the guy, except from when I was a baby. My dad hasn’t even talked to him in over 20 years and he wants to invite him to the wedding. I protested and he said he’s my godfather and I have to invite him. I didn’t want to fight so I agreed. Then he said that if he is inviting him then he should invite another guy who used to hang out with them. Its my wedding not a college reunion!
But now to top it off this past weekend he had a dinner party at his house and he invited a couple that they hang out with every once in a while and in front of them said add Mr. and Mrs. S to the wedding list they’re invited. I tried so hard to hide my reaction and I just couldn’t talk to my dad the whole night because I was so angry. I also foundout he invited my step-mom’s sister and her husband (possibly kids because they’re from out of town) to the wedding. Him and my step mom have been married 26 years and I approached her last year and asked if she wanted to invite any of her family and she said besides her parents don’t worry about her family because she knows how expensive it is.
My dad knows I am only inviting family and my close friends that are about 5 and he knows its expensive plus we have an open bar but he keeps insisting on inviting people to MY wedding that I don’t even know. And to top it off my step father surprised me by saying he wants to pay for the dinner at the reception. I do not want him to pay for people I don’t know and I don’t want there.
I tried talking to my dad and he said they’re his guest, I tried to reason and tell him that the wedding goes by so fast and he shouldn’t invite more people than he could handle. He said he can entertain 30 people at my wedding with no problem.
How can I explain to him that a wedding is not a party to reconnect with friends and its not about him is about me and my Fiance and the experience we want to share with close friends and family.
Sorry forthe long post.
Post # 3
Is your dad paying for your wedding? If so, then he does get some say.
I didn’t allow anyone to come to my wedding that I didn’t know personally. I seriously only wanted to see my family and bff’s smiling faces when I walked down the aisle so I put my foot down. We didn’t allow family friends.
Post # 4
who is paying for the wedding? If your dad is contributing, then he gets some say on the guest list.
If not, tell him “you get ‘x’ number of invites. Choose wisely.”
Post # 5
i think the best route would be to just say it…. never mind about being rude. I would let him handle the extra guests he invited because he is closer to them than you are. Let him know you simply can’t afford or have room for the extra people and to let these guests know asap that you are terribly sorry but it just can’t be done. Period. Sorry for all the confusion. There is no right and easy way to do it… it sucks but he created the problem and needs to be a part of the solution. Trust me, sometimes the +1’s bring +1’s….. there’s no way of knowing who will actually show up to your wedding even with the greatest care planning it. Darling Husband and I were relatively sure we knew 100% of people coming the week before, we had 2 people show up uninvited and it was a very small reception. It was awkward for them though, never for the couple!
Post # 6
My Step-dad is paying for the dinner at the reception. Me and my Fiance are paying for most of the stuff. The only thing that my dad has paid for so far is the wedding favors ($200) and the toasting flutes ($50). Even my Future Mother-In-Law has contributed 3 times that amount in helping us pay for things.
And by no means is my dad close to these people. Like I mentioned one guy he lost touch for 25 years and reconnected 2 weeks ago because of facebook. And the othe couple he has known for maybe 10 years but he only sees them once or maybe twice a year; they are actually closer to my step-mom because she used to work with the lady a few years ago and get together for the occasional coffee catch up but they are not that close and I have met them twice.
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
@eperez21: Tell your father that he either has to pay for their plates or he has to uninvite them.
Post # 8
Just be honest with your father. Tell him you are already at your limit for how many people you can invite. Say I am sorry dad you can only invite 5 people plus their dates. Then make him decide who he wants to invite. Just give him a limit and leave it at that. Or if he is set on inviting 10 people tell him that he has to pay for all guest over the 5 you originally stated (or something a long those lines). Since your father has contributed a few small things then he should be able to invite a couple people regardless of how well you know them/don’t.
Post # 9
@eperez21: ok then – he gets the number of invites you give him and that’s it. Exceptions for your godfather seem ok….but people he has been out of contact with and you don’t know? Draw the line.