Post # 1
Sorry for all the emotional posts lately, but during this breakup I am grateful for all your helpful and kind words.
It has only been five days since the breakup of my 6 year relationship to my fiance and my dad will not talk to me. He does not understand my reason of ending it (wanting to work out who I am/what I want).
As do I – my dad cares for my fiance and is aware of how great a loving man he is to me, so it has been really difficult for him to come to terms with me ending it. I respect that he cares for my fiances well-being, but he thinks my decision was wrong. He thinks I should have stuck it out and see how things led furthur on without rushing into marriage, and that these times of “finding myself” will just involve me partying too much. Personally he is a very stubborn and one-sided man. He only sees his opinion and that has always been final to him, He hasn’t spoken to me since the breakup and even tonight at dinner with my family – he did not look me in the eye once and spoke only to my brother and mother.
I think what he’s doing is hurtful – a dad should respect their daughter’s decisions. I feel I’m still learning and growing up, but he’s being too one-sided.
What does anyone else think?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Regardless of how great he thinks your ex is, he is going to have to suck it up. It wasn’t his relationship, and he will get used the the idea eventually. You are his daughter, and he might be butt-hurt now, but he will grow into the idea.
Post # 4
@rosetea: I don’t think your dad is being fair at all. Even if he doesn’t like your decision he shouldn’t treat you like that. I know my family would be really upset and confused and maybe even mad if I broke up with my SO but I don’t think they’d try to punish me or anything. At the end of the day it’s YOUR decision not his, and YOU are the one who has to decide what relationships you want to be in and when you want to be in them and what is best for YOU. Hopefully he will remember that soon and quit being so childish about this.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry you are experience this kind of treatment from your father. I absolutely think a parent should support their children’s relationship decisions, even when they don’t agree with them.
I don’t have much advice other than just to give him time to realize it’s for the best. Have you spoken to your mom about how your dad is ignoring you?
Post # 6
Thank you so much, I feel the same way. He’s acting so childish – he’s my father and he should be helping me through this time not making it more difficult.
Post # 7
Your dad is being cruel. I remember a friend being an ass to me because I ended it with my ex, and how much that hurt, I can’t imagine how you must feel. Whether he agrees with your decision or not, you are going through a tough time, and he should be there for you.
Post # 8
You said in a previous thread thst you broke up with your FI so you could explore “you”. So you need to stop caring what your dad (or your best friend as said in another previous post) thinks. Everyone in the world might be confused by your breakup, but they aren’t you.. They don’t know what’s best for you, only you do.
So do what you said, start focusing on you, and stop worrying other people. Your dad will ultimately come around to whatever makes your the most happy. You haven’t been single since you were a young teenager, so news the time to start figuring out who you are without having to answer to anyone else.
Post # 9
@rosetea: Sucks to be him. He’s just gonna have to accept that you’re an adult and he doesn’t control your life. I would just ignore him right back until he gets over himself!
Post # 10
@rosetea: I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I would probably distance myself from my father if I were you. He is being ridiculously unfair to you, as though the pain he is experiencing is even a fraction of what you are facing.
Post # 11
You also made a thread that one of your male friends “didn’t care” about your breakup. Did you break up with this dude for attention from others, or did you do it for yourself?
It sounds like your dad is right about how “finding yourself” means “partying”…you went out partying the night after your breakup and got wasted.
Post # 12
He’s YOUR dad, not your FI’s dad. I think he should be on your side no matter what. But I’m sorry he isn’t, and hope he will come around.
My parents LOVED my ex, but I had to end it because it wasn’t for me. They were not happy with my decision for the longest time, even two years into my new relationship, they would still bring up how much they loved my ex…. seriously?! Well, it’s been 6.5 years now, and they have finally come around!
Just give your dad time, probably a long time. He’s also hit hard with the breakup too!
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
@GlitteringDiamond: Well that’s insightful.. I didn’t even think to connect the two threads. Hm! What kind of “finding yourself” prompted the breakup? If there is an original thread, I missed it.
Post # 14
@rosetea: Your father’s behavior is outrageous and foolish.
Let’s assume your former BF is the best guy in the world – if you’re not sure, if you’re not happy, if marrying him isn’t what you want, what, exactly would be the point in pretending otherwise? If your heart’s desire is to pursue your own interests and not marry him or anyone else, who is your father to second guess that?
I presume you didn’t hurt your former BF on purpose and didn’t want to lead him on. That’s as honorable as you can be.
Your father is out of line. Don’t let him shame you.
Post # 15
Yes, I made a thread about one of my friends but I was upset with his behaviour – he has since apologised on his own accord.
I don’t feel as though I have ended things to get attention from people – I’ve been fighting conflicting emotions within myself for a long time and ending things seemed like the only way I could find some sort of peace within myself – that it would allow me freely to figure out what I want without feeling obligated to do what is expected of me.
You assuming that I crave some level of attention may stem from that I have only ever been with one man – not that that is a bad thing, but it probably leaves me in confusion about men. Partying is a social outlet- and it was work related. Of course I got wasted – it was expected, I had just broke up with my partner of 6 years…
Post # 16
It is hurtful of your father to behave like this and actually, it is none of his business. But equally, I guess if your own family can’t be honest, who can?
However, you do seem to be encountering a few people who are not coming up to your expectations so far as reactions are concerned and I think it might be an idea to quietly start moving forwards yourself now without inviting too many opinions on the breakup of your relationship.