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I'm sorry that your dad can't help out :-/ we have been engaged for two years and my parents told me they were saving a certain amount for my wedding, well they spent it and ended up not helping.
I think you should keep the wedding the same but make it a small wedding. That's what we had to do, and SAVE SAVE SAVE! We also took out a loan for 6 grand which helped. If you booked your venues, you most likely won't get your deposits back so that will be a waste too. Also there were people who unexpectedly helped out with our wedding so its possible that it might happen to you too.
Good luck! :)
I say to keep going.
I have had a bit of a nightmare with my Dad too. He didn't offer to pay anything towards it until my Mum rang and asked him months ago. He rang me on Saturday to ask if his invite that he had received 2 days previous was out of love or duty. This is coming from the man who never just rings me to see how my week has gone etc. I told him his parents never rang me when I was a child and he said 'well did you ring them' I explained 'I was a child for godsake' Aargh don't they make you mad. Oh and he said he's not going to come.
@Heatherloveskenny: I would keep going but the venue we booked is actually my grandparents farm. So while we won't be losing any deposit, it's still on his side of the family. It's my dad's wife's father's place. Confusing enough? Haha! I jsut wouldn't feel comfortable having it there if my dad's not helping out.
I say have your wedding and scale it back to what you and your FI can afford. You have over a year to save up and I think you should be able to pay for it on your own.
Was there a disagreement of some sort, or miscommunication of who was paying for what?
If you've already arranged for the grandparent's farm and it's okay with them (the grandparents), I wouldn't change that (it would surely be more expensive to have it at another venue).
You still have plenty of time to save money. I would scale back what you can but keep the venue and dresses in place.
When we were first engaged, my mom told me that they were going to pay everything, and that we had a budget of 10k. A week later, she came to me and told me that we have to pay for half of everything. It was a huge heartache because she suggested we use our savings, which we have been putting aside for a down payment.
Since then, we've made it work. We've paid for things piece by piece and any extra money goes toward the wedding. We haven't taken anything out of savings, yet.
Good luck girl...you and your FI can make it work one way or another!
Yeah, that's understandable. Well, you can look around for inexpensive venues? I mean...your wedding is your one day, is going into debt for it a possibility? For us, we just saved as much as we could but then decided to take out a loan last minute and it really helped us + along with our tax refund.
You still have over a year to go, so I see no reason to cancel the entire wedding. You need to sit with your FI and come up with a budget that you can handle and then adjust the wedding to fit into the budget.
@pec1216: by having it at the house of someone on your dad's side it's kiiiiiiiiind of like helping out, yaknow? free venue - there's a $2000 contribution right there. family is family, if he can't or won't help you, then there's not much you can do. you can choose to refuse him and the venue and do something else, or you can take a deep breath, move on and plan a diy-savvy celebration! we're here to help either way.
Keep going, just be savy.
Choose a cheaper caterer and food options, choose cheaper flowers or DIY them. You havent committed to anything so you can still do it very budget friendly.
No sense in cancelling. Keep the wedding going. You got lots of time. Try to squeeze the budget now as much as possible with what u have left. Also see if you can do a weekend job or pull in extra hrs @ your current work and make some extra dough that way.
You still have plenty of time to save. You'd be surprise at how easy you can save it you just put the money in a saving account and do so regularly. Also look at ways you can cut the cost. Incorporate some DIY projects. The economy is rough right now..perhaps your dad's not comfortable helping you financially. Good luck.
I think we could scale it back a bit but not much because our families are sooooo BIG! I think just on my mom's side there are around 30 people coming, his family is around 25, and if I invite my dad's side it will be around 25 people also. That's just family and we have a good number of friends too....I used to love weddings, now I'm starting to hate them!
@pec1216: Thats awful and makes for a very stressful situation...and a strain between you and your father. I hope you guys can get through this.
On the other hand i think you need to keep going. Start budgeting to pay off the things you put down payments on (as you know how much they will be) and start cutting back on things you can cancel (without a fee) and start thinking more budget wise for other things.
The bees here would love to help you with a more DIY route to help you have your dream wedding. Flowers, centerpieces, and decor can be DIY and look gorgeous.
Just focus on the reason for the season (your marrieage!) and everything will be fine :)
Good luck!
Well I really appreciate all of your help! You guys are amazing and so helpful! Now to address several things...
My dad wants me to get married in a church but that is not what I want. Besides the venue we have is free and so are the flowers since my grandmother has offered to do them for us as a gift. She's a florist. But the rentals still cost around $2000, then the photographer, food, and music another $5k...blah blah blah! I just don't see us being able to afford that since we plan on buying a house next year.
@pec1216: There have been so many times I've said "I hate weddings" because of planning my own haha. But really, its just a little hicup in the plan and planning on a budget takes a lot of shopping around, and DIY projects but I personally love those types of weddings. They are so crafty and have so many personal touches.
So should I still have it at my grandparents house or should I move locations to another family member's house to avoid my dad's side of the family?
Of the things you listed:
Photographer - can you find someone in your area in the $1,000-$1,500 price range. It took me a long time to find an affordable photographer that I really liked, but after lots of searching, I found one.
Caterer - if you keep the wedding at your grandparent's farm, you really don't have to go with an expensive caterer. You have so many options here with having control over the venue and what caterer you can use.
Music - I can't imagine a DJ costing more than $1,000, probably less than that.
From an outsider's perspective, I totally think you can do this, especially with having the venue and flowers paid for (those are two of the biggest expenses) PLUS you have your choice of caterer.
Take some time to think this through. Once the emotions have calmed down some and you can look at this and really sort through, hopefully you'll see that you'll have time to save.
@pec1216: first off, do you HAVE to use the rentals?
What is there and what will have to be brought? The Bees usually have great suggestions if you ask.
Do you want to go for a formal sit-down type dinner or just have finger foods? (fancy word: hor'd'vors or however it's spelled) Or do you want something more laid-back and relaxed. I read on theknot.com where someone had a pot luck reception and it went over great. (it's also a great way to let people help who you wouldn't otherwise find a way to let be a part of the wedding...)
Go the iPod route for music. It's usually cheaper and easier. Or, better yet, if possible bring a laptop and plug it into an outlet. Easier to navigate and can hold more music. Also can be easier to set up playlists that way. Or even change/add to the playlist.
Photographer can be found for a reasonable price. Check out the Bee for tips and suggestions.
It's very do-able, IF you don't look at the "typical" cost of a wedding and think outside the box. what sounds cheesy and horrible, could be made into a fun and awesome idea.
@pec1216: Have your grandparents said anything to you about the situation? I would talk to them personally and see how they feel about everything. Are they against you not having a church wedding too?
My first step would be to talk to them and see if the offer of venue is still open. If it is, I would keep the wedding/reception at the farm to save money.
@Zinzerena: I'm still trying to calm down so this is helping! I'm going over things in my head and I think we can do this! The flowers will be tough since that grandmother is my stepmom's mother and if dad isn't helping out I really don't want him there. I really wanted to just do babys breath and wild flowers so I may be able to grow them myself! Ipod music is a great idea and so is the pot luck idea! I think that will be great and very fitting for us. I've already collected dishes for the food and have cake stands to use. I hope we can work this out and have a great wedding. I've contacted a lady who's invites I loved and she gave me some great advice. But I also had someone from the Bee contact me offering to help out with the invites so I'm going to check with her on her price. Photographer is a stretch but I have several friends that are experimenting in that field so I may just use one of them!
Keep the good vibes coming you guys! I love the Bee and would have had a major melt down without you guys!
dont have it in a church firstly...thats not what you want so dont do it.
You mention the rentals are $2000.00...is that for chairs etc?
What about doing a low key backyard wedding..picnic style?
Something like this? http://weddings-simplified.com/wedding-planning/wedding-themes/rooftop-picnic-wedding-theme-ideas-inspirations-creations
You need to simpplify the wedidng more...now a days everything is slightly over the top..and i can already see a trend where people are starting to get back to basics...so do that. They are by far (imo) the most gorgeous of weddings as they are more personal.
Your wedding will be GORGEOUS!! I love the idea of ecelectic feels...wild flowers and babys breath...mason jars etc.
You don't want your dad at all there cause he isn't helping out?? I skimmed through the responses, but did I miss something? I dont see why you wouldnt want to use the farm and move ahead as planned. If you have a venue, the flowers are free, the only other big items would be as @milesbella stated and there are definitely budget solutions and options to pull it all together.
I'm confused too - why wouldn't you want your dad there? My parents are not helping out financially, but they sure will be supporting us emotionally, and I wouldn't dream of getting married without them there.
Is there something else going on here?
I should have worded my pp differently. I want my dad at my wedding but I know how my dad is and if I don't take his suggestions he probably won't come anyways. He thinks it should be in the church, ceremony, reception and all. He says that's how he and my stepmom did it so mine should be no different. He also said to use my grandmother as our caterer because that's what they did. Ummm yeah NO! First of all they only had cake, mints, and punch. Second of all she's doing all the flowers so that's more than enough from her! I wouldn't dare dream of asking her to take on the task of caterering too! I'm really doing my research now and looking at what we can afford.
@Sking: Well anytime I bring up the wedding to my dad he changes the subject! It's like he doesn't want to think about it or have any part in it. I don't know what his deal is. He's not a very affectionate or emotional guy so I guess this is just too much for him to deal with.
@pec1216: dont dont dont do the church..if its not what you want dont do it. I had to deal with the "church" thing to...and although i lucked out and found an AMAZING church that my DH and I loved..i still dont like the fact that i compromised for them.
Stick to your guns and the cheapest route and you will be fine.
@Baileyh: Thank you! I will not be getting married at the church! I will be having an outdoor wedding! STICKING TO MY GUNS!
@pec1216: Hopefully he comes around? Are you his oldest child, by chance? Sometimes people take some time to get excited about a wedding and some people just aren't the type that enjoy weddings (even though he may be perfectly happy for you).
I agree - don't do the church if that's not your thing. The silver lining here is if you two are paying for everything, final decisions rest with you.
@Sking: Yes I am his oldest! First to marry! He might just be in denial that his oldest daughter is getting married. Hell I don't know.
And the fact that we have the final say is so nice! I think that's what I'm most excited about!
are you close to your grandparents independently of your dad? because if they've offered to have it at their home, and your grandma has offered to do the flowers, i'd think that means you have enough of a relationship with them that it doesn't matter whether or not your dad comes.
fwiw, he sounds like he's being a big bully.
You said that you both had large families right? Well, it's a tradition in my family to have potluck weddings, someone is picked to coordinate the whole thing and people are asked to bring salads, cookies, pies, buns/special breads, cook the meat, come peel the potatos, etc. In the last 2-3 days before the wedding, a group of us get together and we listen to music and snack and have fun while peeling bags and bags of potatos and making sure that all the food is accounted for! (We make calls to those who are in charge of each item to be sure that it's done) Then before the ceremony, everyone drops off the food at the reception site and the coordinator makes sure that everything's in order and the meat and potatos are heating on low and warm enough when the reception comes around. This is what most of my mother's family members have done and their weddings are usually at least 200 people (she's the oldest of 5 and there have been 2 marriages in the last 5 years, so this is suited to today's costs).
Just a little information on one way of going potluck.
I'm the oldest of 11 children and I'm the first to be getting married. My parents aren't contributing anything (money wise) to the wedding and neither are his, it's all up to us. They are willing to help with DIY stuff though. Just have little DIY parties and everything is wonderful. Like the quilting bees they used to have in the old days. It's really fun and everything turns out great!
All the best with your wedding!
You father no longer can dictate what happens, since he has pulled the funding. That being said, he is your father and should be there on your special day. If he wants a church, then he can pay for it, but since he isn't paying, he doesn't get to contribute ideas.
It sounds like you've been a good planner - collecting plates, etc - so you're almost there! Keep going and please keep us posted, at the end of the day you will be perservering to marrying your partner - which nobody can take away, right?
@YoungBride1414: the potluck idea is sounding better and better! I really think this will be the best thing we can save money on. I'm trying to cut cost in anyway possible so I will be hitting up yard sales like a mad woman over the next year. My crafty DIY side just got kicked into high gear!
As many have said, stick to your guns!
This same thing happened to us... twice... in a matter of two weeks. Thankfully, it was shortly after we got engaged, so we have been able to readjust.
Food is a HUGE percentage of cost, and having others chip in via potluck sounds smart to me!
Your wedding will be fabulous - roadblocks be damned!
@pec1216: glad I could help!
This site has a lot of helpful info on it: http://2000dollarwedding.com/
I LOVE @YoungBride1414:'s idea, too! Sounds like a fun and great way to have a wedding!
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He just said that he won't be helping out with the wedding at all! I've been engaged since September of last year and we have planned our wedding for April 21st of 2012, a little over a year from now, and he's just now telling me that it's all on me! WTF! I'm so upset right now. And I'm not upset because I have to pay for it but because I wasn't prepared to pay for it all. If he had let me know back in September that this was the case then we would have gone a whole different route. We've already booked our venues, have meetings set up to see caterers, all bridesmaid dresses have been ordered. I just don't know what to do! I know that we can always just go to the beach but everyone I know has done that. What should I do? Should we just cancel the wedding and pay the bridesmaids back for their dresses or should we just keep going and try to have a small wedding?