Post # 1
He just said that he won’t be helping out with the wedding at all! I’ve been engaged since September of last year and we have planned our wedding for April 21st of 2012, a little over a year from now, and he’s just now telling me that it’s all on me! WTF! I’m so upset right now. And I’m not upset because I have to pay for it but because I wasn’t prepared to pay for it all. If he had let me know back in September that this was the case then we would have gone a whole different route. We’ve already booked our venues, have meetings set up to see caterers, all bridesmaid dresses have been ordered. I just don’t know what to do! I know that we can always just go to the beach but everyone I know has done that. What should I do? Should we just cancel the wedding and pay the bridesmaids back for their dresses or should we just keep going and try to have a small wedding?
Post # 3
I’m sorry that your dad can’t help out :-/ we have been engaged for two years and my parents told me they were saving a certain amount for my wedding, well they spent it and ended up not helping.
I think you should keep the wedding the same but make it a small wedding. That’s what we had to do, and SAVE SAVE SAVE! We also took out a loan for 6 grand which helped. If you booked your venues, you most likely won’t get your deposits back so that will be a waste too. Also there were people who unexpectedly helped out with our wedding so its possible that it might happen to you too.
Good luck! 🙂
Post # 4
I say to keep going.
I have had a bit of a nightmare with my Dad too. He didn’t offer to pay anything towards it until my Mum rang and asked him months ago. He rang me on Saturday to ask if his invite that he had received 2 days previous was out of love or duty. This is coming from the man who never just rings me to see how my week has gone etc. I told him his parents never rang me when I was a child and he said ‘well did you ring them’ I explained ‘I was a child for godsake’ Aargh don’t they make you mad. Oh and he said he’s not going to come.
Post # 5
@Heatherloveskenny: I would keep going but the venue we booked is actually my grandparents farm. So while we won’t be losing any deposit, it’s still on his side of the family. It’s my dad’s wife’s father’s place. Confusing enough? Haha! I jsut wouldn’t feel comfortable having it there if my dad’s not helping out.
Post # 6
I say have your wedding and scale it back to what you and your FI can afford. You have over a year to save up and I think you should be able to pay for it on your own.
Post # 7
Was there a disagreement of some sort, or miscommunication of who was paying for what?
If you’ve already arranged for the grandparent’s farm and it’s okay with them (the grandparents), I wouldn’t change that (it would surely be more expensive to have it at another venue).
You still have plenty of time to save money. I would scale back what you can but keep the venue and dresses in place.
Post # 8
When we were first engaged, my mom told me that they were going to pay everything, and that we had a budget of 10k. A week later, she came to me and told me that we have to pay for half of everything. It was a huge heartache because she suggested we use our savings, which we have been putting aside for a down payment.
Since then, we’ve made it work. We’ve paid for things piece by piece and any extra money goes toward the wedding. We haven’t taken anything out of savings, yet.
Good luck girl…you and your FI can make it work one way or another!
Post # 9
Yeah, that’s understandable. Well, you can look around for inexpensive venues? I mean…your wedding is your one day, is going into debt for it a possibility? For us, we just saved as much as we could but then decided to take out a loan last minute and it really helped us + along with our tax refund.
Post # 10
You still have over a year to go, so I see no reason to cancel the entire wedding. You need to sit with your FI and come up with a budget that you can handle and then adjust the wedding to fit into the budget.
Post # 11
@pec1216: by having it at the house of someone on your dad’s side it’s kiiiiiiiiind of like helping out, yaknow? free venue – there’s a $2000 contribution right there. family is family, if he can’t or won’t help you, then there’s not much you can do. you can choose to refuse him and the venue and do something else, or you can take a deep breath, move on and plan a diy-savvy celebration! we’re here to help either way.
Post # 12
Keep going, just be savy.
Choose a cheaper caterer and food options, choose cheaper flowers or DIY them. You havent committed to anything so you can still do it very budget friendly.
Post # 13
No sense in cancelling. Keep the wedding going. You got lots of time. Try to squeeze the budget now as much as possible with what u have left. Also see if you can do a weekend job or pull in extra hrs @ your current work and make some extra dough that way.
Post # 14
You still have plenty of time to save. You’d be surprise at how easy you can save it you just put the money in a saving account and do so regularly. Also look at ways you can cut the cost. Incorporate some DIY projects. The economy is rough right now..perhaps your dad’s not comfortable helping you financially. Good luck.
Post # 15
I think we could scale it back a bit but not much because our families are sooooo BIG! I think just on my mom’s side there are around 30 people coming, his family is around 25, and if I invite my dad’s side it will be around 25 people also. That’s just family and we have a good number of friends too….I used to love weddings, now I’m starting to hate them!
Post # 16
@pec1216: Thats awful and makes for a very stressful situation…and a strain between you and your father. I hope you guys can get through this.
On the other hand i think you need to keep going. Start budgeting to pay off the things you put down payments on (as you know how much they will be) and start cutting back on things you can cancel (without a fee) and start thinking more budget wise for other things.
The bees here would love to help you with a more DIY route to help you have your dream wedding. Flowers, centerpieces, and decor can be DIY and look gorgeous.
Just focus on the reason for the season (your marrieage!) and everything will be fine 🙂