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ouch... he should put his feelings for your mother aside to be there for you on your wedding day in my opinion! sorry you're going through that, i'd be really upset :( hugs!
Ouch! That's horrible. He should put his feelings aside and go to the weding anyway. Is there anyway you could make a pit stop to see him? Is there anyone that he can get to watch over the animals? Since he's in Spokane I'm guessing that he doesn't live on a famr or anything. I'm sorry you're going through this!
I am right there with you! My FI parents split when he was 6 years old and his father was not around for most of his life and one day about 7 years ago he came back into his life but hasn't changed much and we are just done with the drama. His excuse to not come to our engagement party was that he had to go to his bosses surprise 60th birthday. For days we tried to justify in our heads why it was ok to choose that over your own son. Plus the part was at his mothers house and the step-mother told me she neve feels welcomed there and that's another reason why they didn't come. To be honest Butrfly said....they should put their feelings aside for a couple of hours since this is YOUR day.
i'm sorry that you have to go through this. You're not the only one though =)
I'm just complaining, thank you for listening. I told my Mom, and she's furious. She doesn't like him either, but it never occurred to her that he wouldn't go.
We could go and see him, but in all honestly, I'm feeling sort of petty. I mean, we're going to his state, he should be able to come the last little bit. He has never come to visit, I tell him all the time, if he wanted to visit my brother (in Indiana), I would drive the...what? 5 hours to go see him there, and he wouldn't have to come the rest of the way to me.
I can completely relate. My parents also divorced after 18 years. (this being 7 years ago). They don't speak and cannot be in the same room as each other...awesome!
Both are so full of hate that my wedding is turning into a nightmare. You would think that the parents would set aside their own feelings in order to take part in and celebrate their own children's happiness. Unfortunately, they seem to be consumed in their own lives they cannot see how their actions affect those around them.
I don't know your relationship, but maybe try to write him a hand-written letter and try to explain your side. Five years is a long time, he should be jumping at the opportunity to finally see you and your new husband!
I live not far from Spokane. If you want I can probably help find somebody to watch the animals, whatever kind they are and if nothing else I have plenty of experience with all kinds of different animals. Then he'd be free to see you. I know how much it hurts when this kind of thing happens.
Ouch! How hurtful, I am sorry that your father is being so mean. Hopefully he comes to his senses and comes to visit you. If he doesn't, I hope that you have a wonderful honeymoon regardless.
Ooh, I'd take Toffee up on her offer, call your dad back and tell him you found someone to watch the animals and that you made reservations at X restaurant for lunch on Y day.
Seriously, how lame is it that he won't make the time to come see you? :(
I am so sorry! Does your dad have any siblings (your Aunts or Uncles) that can talk some sense to him? I mean, really? I can kind of understand not wanting to go to your Mom's house (sometimes we just can't help some of our more visceral emotions), but Spokane to Seattle? He needs a little perspective. I hope someone can give that to him.
i'm really sorry about that. i agree with the others--regardless of what happened between your parents, he should put those feelings aside for the sake of celebrating with you at your wedding. even if he really found it too painful or uncomfortable to come to the wedding, he could drive a few hours to see you when you're in seattle.
sounds like he might be really hurt and upset that you chose to get married at your mom's place (which sounds awesome, by the way), and maybe he's taking it in the wrong way, like you're taking her side/choosing her over him/etc. whatever the reason, maybe if you just explained that it was a great venue (and free!), and that you would really like him to be there, that he may calm down and decide to come?
Yikes!! I feel your pain! My husbands father did not show up to the wedding...he had his wife (husbands step-mother) call the night before, literally during the rehearsal dinner. She traveled to the wedding by herself with no one by husband's ex-in-laws there. We felt kind of bad for her, but she knew long before that Friday that he wasn't gonna make it and she lied for him. He couldn't get out of work. Please, he knew for a year about the wedding. It was never a priority for him. Since the wedding, good ol' FIL has not called one time. Not once and the wedding was in September. Knowing him and his pride, he never will. But guess what--our wedding was wonderful! While there was disappointment, we'll remember who was there the most. This is your time and you should not have to be going out of your way to make your dad do the right thing!! Best of luck to you!
@Toffee- people like you are the reason weddingbee is awesome! That is so nice!!
Wow he sounds like my dad... He may be the nicest person in the world but your wedding day is your day. And he can suck it up for one day at your mom's house. It is not like he is staying the night or eating dinner at the same table as your mom.
He is being selfish when he should only be worrying about you.
I have decided that my dad is invited like any normal guest. My step dad (who has been my dad my whole life) will take on all the fatherly duties at my wedding.
Wow @Toffee, thank you! Sorry it took me so long to get back here, my FI's computer took a dive today, so I've spent all day trying to pull it apart and privately freaking over the DIY projects I had on there.
I'm considering calling him in a couple of days, right now I'm giving myself some space to breathe. I'll see what he says, if the animal thing is really his main concern, or if he's using it as an excuse, which, really, would be a crappy thing to do. This week isn't a good week for me to be reasonable, anyhow. 
And thank you everyone else for being so darn supportive, it's the very manageable drive that he says is "too far" that is bothering me more at this point. It is not too far, and if he really sticks to this not coming business, I'm going to have to have some words. Or 10.
That sucks. At least your wedding is still a ways away. He's got a pretty big window to reconsider his decision between now and then.
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I just got off the phone with my Dad.
You see, our wedding is at my Mother's house, she lives on a beautiful property on a lake, and the lake is surrounded by trees that turn the most gorgeous colors in the Fall.
So today, my Dad said that he didn't want to go to a wedding at my Mom's house. Okay, so feelings are hurt, but I sort of understand. They were married for 17 years before they divorced, and it was less than amicable.
HOWEVER, we will be honeymooning in Seattle. My Dad lives in Spokane. It's like a 5 hour drive. If he can't come to the wedding, can he come visit us for an afternoon? (We live in Ohio, so 5 hours away is the closest we will be for AWHILE. Also, I haven't seen him in 5 years.)
Nope. It's too far. Plus, who will take care of the animals?
Wow, Dad, really? I know obviously I can't have everything how I want it, but I thought I'd at least get to see my Dad.