Post # 1
We are engaged and began planning our wedding together. We easily came up w a guest list, venue ideas, etc. My dad offered to pay shortly after we got engaged. Since then, he has put stipulations on every aspect… From the guest list to the bridal party. Recently, he has made it very clear that we invite everyone he wants (half of the potential guest list and the majority of them being strangers to my FI and me) and do not send invitations to people he doesn’t want or we do not get any of his money. He also requires that he has a say in the btidal party. We understand that he is putting his $ into this and have has many of his friends on te guest list, however, he is requiring 40-60 people of a 120 wedding. Unfortunately, this has become more of a stressor than it’s worth. My FI and I truly care about being married and including our very closest friends in family. We can afford to have a wedding of our own but really need the money elsewhere. We’ve talked about picking a weekend to go to the courthouse alone and get it over with. This time that is supposed to be so exciting has turned into one of the most stressful moments of our lives. Please help! Any advice would be great!
Post # 3
Maybe you can sit down and try to make a compromise?
Technically, if he is footing the bill, he should have a say so in many aspects of the wedding. Otherwise, you could always pay for it yourself and do whatever you see fit.
Post # 4
@Confused12321: Elope. Or have the wedding you want with the funds you do have. I dont think that it will be worth the stress to accept the money from your father. Its better to look back on your wedding day with fond memories, rather than remembering the stressful time dealing with you father and not really having the wedding that you wanted. Good luck!
Post # 5
@Confused12321: Money pretty much always comes with strings. Thank dad for his kind offer to pay, refuse the money and pay for your own wedding.
Post # 6
Yikes! It seems like he’s asking for a lot. Here’s the decision you have to make – have a wedding the way he wants it or pay for your own (if you decide to have one.) If you’re already feeling stressed it sounds like I’d be better to have a really small, budget wedding. Or you could always elope but it sounds like that’s not what you want to do.
Post # 7
This has happened to a lot of my friends. When he pays he gets his way! Thankfully my dad said he had no money to contribute so I will be doing it all my way. You may just have to handle this as calmly and rationally as you can and accept that he is technically in control. Either that or cry…..dad’s generally can’t stand up to their baby girls crying.
Post # 8
@Confused12321: the only way to have the wedding you want in this situation is to thank him for his offer and then pay for it yourself.
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I am baffled by people who want to invite loads of random peope to weddings. Why is so important that these people you don’t know come to this wedding? I would have no interest in going to a wedding of people I don’t know.
I agree with the PPs. Don’t let this be an event you look back on with sadness/regret/stress. Explain that you dont’ want half or even some of your guests to be strangers; it’s an extremely personal occasion and you thank him for your offer but you’d rather have it be your own wedding.
Post # 10
You guys are awesome! Thank you for the reassurance and advice!
Post # 11
I don’t think money paying equals a say in the day. My dad paid for most of the day but would never dream of trying to make it into his day. Why on earth would a loving parent do that to their child?
Post # 12
When parents try to control weddings, it is really about the sadness they feel about their child growing up and marrying.
The only way to have complete control over your wedding is to pay for it yourself. Parents have a say when it is their money being spent.
My mother tried to make our wedding about her. She became very insistent and mean to my husband and I. I even heard her tell someone “The best way to control your kid’s wedding is pay for it.” We eloped because nobody was going to take over our day.
Our vow renewal will be financed by my husband and I. My mother is wisely staying out of the planning because she has learned her lesson.
Post # 13
@Confused12321: I’m so sorry you are going through this. I can completely relate ( I actually just posted almost this exact thread a couple days ago – “canceling our wedding” if you wanted to read some of the advice I got, which has helped). We are struggling and are going to try to figure out what to do this weekend. Keep you head up and if you need someone to talk to I’m totally here because I know what it’s like.