Dad thinks he embarrassed me – Feeling upset/guilty

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think you need to go visit (or at least call) your dad and tell him how much you love him and how proud you are of him. You said you have a close relationshp with him, so bring up that you heard he was upset about the speech and tell him that you thought he did great and that you weren’t embarrassed at all. (In reality, it was your dad who was embarrassed.) Tell him all the things you wanted to tell him during your dance together. Don’t let this one little rain cloud overshadow all the happiness of that day or your relationship with your dad. It’s been blown way out of proportion.

Post # 3
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m sorry you are feeling so bad about this. Wedding days are so hectic, and as you said, you were getting pulled in many different directions. 

Can you arrange a father-daughter dinner or something so that you can talk to your dad and reassure him that the speech he gave was nothing to be ashamed about? Tell him all those things you were planning on telling him about how much you appreciate everything he has done for you. 

Post # 4
Member
865 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

At my first wedding, my father stood up, thanked everyone for coming…and then sat down again. That was it.

You can bet your bottom dollar I was embarassed.  The selfish twat acted like a cunt all through my wedding planning though…and then to top it all off he left my mother for his bit on the side while I was away on my honeymoon.  So instead of coming back to bask in newly wed bliss with my new husband, I had to deal with my mother having a nervous breakdown and being on the phone to me for 6 hours solid a day, bitching about my father.

Found out afterwards that his bit on the side – of a year-  had thrown a fit about him even attending my wedding.  Apparently she didn’t like the fact he would have to spend the day with my mother.  He spent most of the reception running out to the nearest payphone to call her (this was 1989, pre mobile phones).

So yeah.  

Just tell your dad he did fine, he didn’t embrass you and then both of you move on.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Baal.
  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Baal.
Post # 5
Member
6028 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Yeah it sounds like he is making a mountain out of a molehill, bless him. All you can really do is reassure him that the day was perfect, and that you wouldn’t change a thing if you had it all to do over.  If he’s really taking it hard, ask him if he’d mind if you’d put his speech notes in your wedding album or have them framed or something along those lines. It may take a little while for him to get over it, but we all are our own worst critics and it sounds like he had some very high standards set for himself, so he just needs a lot of reassurance and some time to forgive himself.

Post # 6
Member
3869 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh, this breaks my heart for your dad. If you think he’d be okay to talk about it, then tell him that you weren’t embarrassed and that you loved that the speech he gave was unscripted.

I like Horseradish:‘s idea of putting in the album (or a scrapbook or whatever you do).

A little story for you – my dad sounds similar to you in the non-emotional stuff. When I first went away to college, he sent me a very sweet email about how much he missed me and how proud he was of me. I never got it. 🙁 He was saddened by this… when my mom found out, she printed the email he wrote and framed it for me for Christmas. It’s still a treasured possession of mine. So, even though it’s sad, using his notes/speech in a secondary way can help both you and him.  

Post # 7
Member
245 posts
Helper bee

This made me tear up a bit, my Dad is exactly like your Dad and & I know he is a little nervous about doing a speech in front of everyone, I also have a close relationship with my dad but we’re not overly affectionate, a kiss on the cheek and a ‘love you’ is the norm for us and I would feel a bit awkward telling how much I love him and how happy I am that he’s my father, we just don’t have those conversations! If you’re struggling to tell your Dad everything you want to say, say it in a thank-you letter? I’m planning to let my Dad know it’s OK just to give a quick speech and not to worry about it too much at the wedding, I’m just glad he’s there!

Post # 8
Member
8909 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

HoplesslyDevoted:  aw your poor dad! I would just flat out tell him, or write it out in an email if that’s an easier way to communicate, that you absolutely loves his speech, you appreciate everything he’s done for you as a father, and you love him so so much. Reassure him that he in no way embarrassed you and that you had a perfect wedding day and were so happy to share it with him. I think something like that would really put his mind at ease. Poor guy.

Post # 9
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Tell your dad that quick jokes and a well planned speech pale in comparison to the true heartfelt emotion that a long pause, a sincere compliment, and a true, loving sentiment bring.

Post # 10
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

HoplesslyDevoted:  I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this.

You really pulled at my heart strings when you quoted your father saying to your mother that he had embarrased you, I read it in my dad’s voice.

I’m not married, but me and my dad are very close and I know he would be exactly like this if this situation occured. 

I can only suggest you talk to him. Don’t let this fester any longer. You both need to reassure each other and tell each other you love one another. 

** Perhaps you could ask him to write his speech as a prose and have it framed or part of your wedding pictures to incorporate his special words.

Just seen someone else has already suggested this! Great minds 😉

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  RhianfaHW.
Post # 11
Member
3918 posts
Honey bee

Oh bless you and bless you Dad. Reading this made me want to give you both a big cuddle.

Speak to your Dad, or if that will be too hard, write him a nice letter with all the things you wanted to say during your dance, reassure him about his speech. And if it was me and my Dad and I knew he felt that bad, I would maybe suggest something like on you first anniversay you can all go out to dinner and Dad could give a speech (using some of the notes he left but also adding new thoughts following you first successful year of marriage) Chin up x

Post # 14
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

Aww–this reminded so much of my own dad! Just like LudaRae, I teared up reading it.

He feels embarrassed and you feel guilty and neither of you should be feeling either of those things! I think you should show him or tell him exactly what you shared with us here. Your words were so heartfelt–especially the part where you describe what you wanted to tell him during your father/daughter dance. I bet if you told him the same thing that you wrote here, he’d be very touched. 

Post # 15
Member
3044 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I know from personal experience that it can be heartbreaking when something you plan doesn’t pan out, particularly when you expect hundreds of people to see it – but the thing he needs to hear and remember is that he (and probably your mom if he practiced with her) are the only ones who know what went wrong.

It sounds like a very heartfelt and sweet speech, and I personally would have been so touched by something like that as I expect you were. (The speech he gave, I mean).

are you guys planning to have an anniversary party at some point, for your one year or five year anniversary? I would ask your dad to save those notes for then. Not for you, but for him.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  babeba.
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