Post # 1
Though it’s quite a way’s away, I’ve been thinking about my hypothetical wedding ceremony and who I would like to be involved in it. I have never really been close with my father. My parents divorced when I was 13 because he was an abusive alcoholic, and after the divorce is now a born again Christian, and moved to Missouri to live with his “fiancee” (He said they’ve been engaged for 10 years, but I don’t think they will ever get married). Anyway, I haven’t seen him since my graduation from college 2 years ago, and I think since then, we’ve talked on the phone maybe a handful of times. I honestly don’t see our relationship improving anytime soon.
A couple of years after the divorce, my mother remarried, and my step dad is one of the best men I have ever met, and maybe even on the planet. He loves his kids more than anything else in the world. He treats my mom like she’s made of glass, and he’s funny and fun to be around.
He and I have become very close over the years, and he was a wonderful father figure to have around through my late teens and early twenties. If I ever do get married someday, I want him to be the one that gives me away. My mom said that would absolutely devastate my biological father, but I think it would be much more special this way instead of pretending to have some magical realtionship with my dad that we never even had to begin with. Of course, I don’t want to hurt my dad, but it’s my wedding day, and I don’t want it to feel forced or awkward when it could be a special heartfelt moment with my stepdad. I just feel like my dad’s lack of paternal effort has put me in an awkward position as a daughter.
What do you think, ladies?
Post # 3
That’s a tough one. Is there a way to include both men? Perhaps have them both walk you down the aisle? You never know, maybe years down the road you’ll be close to your biological dad. I would hate for you to regret not including him. Just my thoughts.
Post # 4
maybe have your bio-dad do a reading or something? you have to do what your are most comfortable with, not what is conventional or convenient. while your dad may have made changes to his life, this didn’t include you really (going on what you’ve posted). maybe have your mom give you away and have your step dad involved in some other way?
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
What about Mom walking you down the aisle? Dance with both at the reception.
Post # 6
That’s a good point. I would actually prefer to have my mom give me away, but I don’t think she’d be comfortable with that. When I asked her to be my matron of honor, she said I should really ask my sister. My mom is basically trying to sidestep any drama, which I understand, but at the same time, she and I are best friends and have always been close. I’m torn between sticking with tradition and thinking about what would make me the happiest.
Post # 7
I think you should go with what makes you happiest. also I don’t get why your bio dad would be devastated if your relationship wasn’t that close anyway. I agree with your mom walking you.
Post # 8
try to talk to your mom and explain how much it would mean to have her be involved like this and to be the one to give you away, if that’s what you really want. and then dance with both dads like rebwana said
Post # 9
@rebwana: I love that idea.
Post # 10
My father was also just about the same as yours. Druggy, ect. My mom left him when I was 7 years old & married my step dad two years later.
I never talk to my dad or see him. He doesn’t even live that far away. I talk to him from time to time on facebook if that counts & I haven’t seen him in years.
I invited him anyways. He told me one week before my wedding we wasn’t coming & would explain to me one day in person. That day has yet to come. I found out his first date with his now fiance was on my wedding day. So no need for him to explain.
Needless to say from the get go I wanted my step dad to walk my down the aisle and he did happily! BUT if my dad came I was going to try and make it work by having my mom walk me down instead. I have also heard of one walking you half way down, then the other walking you the rest of the way down. Do what makes YOU comfortable!
Post # 11
Well, I talked to my mom about it last night and we straightened a few things out. Apparently, her opinion of my dad has changed somewhat in four years since my sister’s wedding. She insisted that he give her away at the time, because it’s tradition and she thought it would devastate him otherwise, but since then, she found out just how badly he treated my sister and her husband when they lived with him, so now she says she has absolutely no problem with it if I choose not to include him.
I’m still not absolutely sure what I’m going to do, but it’s nice to know that whatever I choose, my mom will understand.