Post # 1
I have a dilemma that is causing me major anxiety! There is some detail needed here to get to my question – so please bear with me.
My dad and I had a poor relationship when I was younger and stopped talking 13 years ago (my request) and did not start our relationship back up again until 5 years ago… we are now closer than ever! At the same time 13 years ago, my step dad entered my life. We are extremely close and I consider him a very strong figure in my life.
Since I got engaged my vision has been that my dad and step-dad will walk me down the aisle as the ceremony is very important to me. So after getting engaged I told my step-dad I wanted him and my dad to walk me down the aisle. He was thrilled! More recently, however, I told my dad about this arrangement I had in mind in person. At the time he said he was okay with it. Later the same week, he wrote me a long email saying how my step-dad has his own biological daughters and that it is a father’s right to walk his daughter. He asked if my step-dad’s presence could be a speech at the reception.
I am torn here as my fiance and brothers think that this will cause major wedding day drama if I don’t do what my dad wants. And I do understand where he is coming from. However, I don’t want to hurt my step-dad and I’m struggling with budging on my vision. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? If so, how did you handle this?
Post # 3
I vote for a variation of the third option: step-dad walk you down and your dad meets you at the alter. That way it is your biological father giving you away.
Post # 4
Hmmm…I would talk it over with your dad, see if you can get him to move. It sounds like your step-dad has had as big, if not a bigger, influence on your life then your bio dad and that really needs to be taken into account. A father is not just the guy who donates the sperm, but the guy who is there instilling life values and morals into “his” children, he’s the one you go to when things go wrong, or right. I think you ought to stick with your guns and walk with both dads, but I do see how this is a really difficult situation and how it is causing so much stress! Almost makes me glad I don’t really like my nearly-step-father (he and my mom are engaged, but not yet married).
I hope you are able to find a happy solution for you and both yoru dads! Good luck!
Post # 5
I think your Dad will understand if you explain that this is what you really want for your day, and hopefully he will come around. They are both important to you, and I think it is more than fair for you to have both of them walk you down. I am closer to my step-dad than my bio-dad, but, my bio-dad is walking me down the aisle. It was tough to decide who would walk me down, since in a lot of ways, my step-dad has been there for me much more than my bio-dad, so I know it is a hard decision. THink about it and listen to what your heart tells you is best.
Post # 6
I’m actually having my stepdad walk me down. I have a bad relationship with my dad, and I’m excited that I get to show my stepdad how much I appreciate his role in my life.
Post # 7
I am struggling with a very similar decision. I think your dad does have a point if your step-dad has other daughters. My problem is my step-dad has no other children so this is his only chance to do this. I would say let your dad have his moment walking you down the aisle and find another way to include your stepdad and make him feel special.
Have your step-dad do a reading or something before the vows
Have a special dance with your step-dad as well as your dad
Have each walk you halfway down the aisle
Ask you step-dad if there is another way he’d like to be involved
Post # 8
I’d definitely do both as well. My stepdad has actually been a bigger influence in my life as of late; however, as a child I was a daddy’s girl.. The other variation I have in mind is having neither walk me down and both give me away at the front, but it would cause such havoc that I may as well have the both of them walk me down. I say that your dad has to learn that this is your wedding and that you are your stepdad’s daughter too, even though you aren’t his biological daughter that he was there for you and that you honor him as your dad too. And then let bygones be bygones… How do you think your stepdad would feel if he didn’t walk you down? My guess is he’d be devastated but try to put on a good face to protect your feelings… which is exactly what a dad should do…. which further means that he should be the one to walk you down, you know?
Post # 9
Thank you all for your suggestions and support! I am planning to talk to my dad tomorrow if I can find the words. Has anyone seen the half/half thing down before? (i.e. step-dad walks me down half way and dad walks me down the other half). Does it end up looking like a relay? Also, if I did both, do you think that would make my dad look bad in any way? As if we hadn’t made up yet!
Good luck to those of you who mentioned you are in similar situations! It’s definitely not an easy situation to be in!
Post # 10
I am having both walk me down the aisle. It’s definitly not a fun situation to be in!!!
I think one of our lovely bloggers did that, but I’m not sure which!