- 5 years ago
I am a regular bee posting under a pseudonym. I’m sorry to have to do this but I know some people on here IRL and this is a sensitive issue. I will try to keep it short and to the point.
My Dad announced he wants to get a divorce. I am staying with my parents since OH is very busy with work. My brothers are also here for summer vacation from college. He got us all together and, in tears, told us he wanted a divorce.
I have known for a few years that my Dad has been unfaithful. He works overseas and made a double life for him, his girlfriend and his “step” daughter (she calls him Daddy and is the only father she has ever known). He has always been honest with me and admitted he is an asshole (his words). I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and never told my Mom. Please don’t judge me for this. I am worried this will come out, and knowing my Mom, she will struggle to forgive me.
I do not want to get involved. This, as far as I am concerned, is not my battle. Don’t get me wrong, I am devastated and hurt but I don’t want to get in the middle of this. In their screaming I heard both use my brothers and me as a, well, guilt-trip tool I guess. My Mom shouted that he has upset us and my Dad said we had bled him dry. We are not something to fight over in my opinion!
And then there comes my Mom, who is wanting constant hugs and reassurance, an ear and a shoulder to cry on. I understand. But we aren’t her therapist or her friend. We are her children. But I am made to feel guilty for not comforting her. I’m having to cope with this too, this affects me too, and frankly I don’t want to listen to her woes. Is this so wrong?
I do not want to take sides, and by getting involved one or other is going to feel like I don’t care or have abandoned them. I want to leave, let them sort out their differences and talk to them when they start acting amicably. OH thinks I should stay and be supportive.
I don’t know what to do. I want to be there for them, as their daughter, but nothing else; I just don’t see that happening. I want to deal with this situation in my own way, because it hurts me too. Any advice would be appreciated.
I hope this makes sense, and thank you for reading my ramblings.