Dad wants to control the wedding

posted 3 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - The Down Town Club, Philadelphia

I’m not familair with Chinese wedding traditions, but since you said you are the first one in the family to get married…I think your dad might be going through some growing pains of his own, so to speak.

Since he isn’t paying for the wedding, my inclination is to tell you to do what you want, despite your fathers protests. 

Have you sat down with your Dad and told him what you just told us? Maybe if you expressed your frustration with his expectations (and his behavior), he can temper himself a bit.

I think you should sit down with him and have a long talk.


Post # 4
3128 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

You and your FI are paying for your wedding, that means you get to make the decisions. I can understand switching to summer so that relatives can attend- that is a reasonable request. Deciding you should have certain dates or certain food are not reasonable requests. 

You are right to be concerned. If you give in to him because of his behavior, he will continue to behave like that to get his way about other things. I doubt it will end after the wedding- he will think he knows best about any decision you and your FI make about your lives (which house to buy, how to raise your children, etc).  

Post # 5
42082 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

There is only a fight when someone fights back. Don’t fight back.

I’m not saying to give in to your Dad’s every wish. You already compromised on the season for practical reasons.

When he starts getting demanding, simply say” We’ll take that under consideration Dad” then change the subject. No matter what he says or does , don’t get dragged into it. ” As I’ve said Dad, we will take that into consideration when we make our decision”.




Post # 7
19 posts
  • Wedding: March 2014

@BearBear47:  Sounds like my Dad – although he’s only had one or two issues. The big one was that he thought he should sit at the head table (as that’s tradition in the UK) but that’s not what is done in NZ (where we now live nad I grew up) and not how FI and I want to do things.

I managed to get out of my Mum that he had thretened to not come just like you Dad did but I know for a fact that he is just bluffing (did the same thing with regards to my brothers wedding but is happily looking forward to theirs in Cape Town). If he says he doesn’t want to come to my face I will simply say “Well I’m dissapointed you feel that way Dad, as we want you there and I want you to walk me down the aisle, however if that is how you feel then that is your decision to make.”

So basically just call his bluff and I am sure he will back down – at least I know it will work with my Dad as he is a bit of a drama queen, hopefully your Dad is the same as I would hate my advice to backfire!

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