Post # 1
Words cannot describe the relationship I had with my father. He was the most wonderful father in the world and provided me with everything a girl could ever ask her. He supported me in all of my endeavors and encouraged me to be the best me I could ever be. He encouraged me to chase after my dreams and go to law school. in the midst of planning a wedding to the most wonderful man and studying for law schools exams my father was unexpectedly diagnosed with cancer and one month later he was gone. My word was shattered.
I know my father wanted me to have the fairytale wedding of my dreams but I cannot fathom having one without him. After five months I have set a new wedding date and all I want to do is run to the court house. My fiance and my mom really want me to have a wedding and think I will regret not having one because my father would be so upset if I choose not to have one.
I am dreading walking down the aisle. I have an amazing brother and an adorable 92 year-old maternal grandfather but I don’t think I want someone to take my father’s place. However, I can’t help but think that everyone is going to be feeling sorry for me as I walk down the aisle, alone. I am also really nervous about the mother-son dance because i obviously won’t be having a father-daughter dance. I am so nervous that I am going to crying mess throughout the whole day.
We are having a destination wedding and i have decided to have a mass in my father’s honor the first day of the wedding weekend at the Cathedral. I would love input/advice on how to handle this because I can’t help but cry every time i think of doing this without him.
Post # 3
I was a daddy’s girl, too. My father died and I will be walking down the aisle alone. I am pretty sure people will be thinking “Congratulations, what a beautiful bride” and not pitying me. You can have a mother-daughter dance if you want, too. None of those things are completely required. I sympathize with your pain because I tear up at friend’s weddings during those two things (when she walks down the aisle with her dad, and father/daughter dance) and I have had much longer to grieve. I think the memorial mass is a lovely idea, but don’t let grief overshadow your day. As you say, I am sure your father would have wanted you to be happy. I hope you can reach peace about this.
Post # 4
I am so sorry that this happened, and I can’t imagine how bittersweet this occassion is for you. *BIG HUG*
To respond to your post, how do you feel about your mom walking you down the isle? Is there something that you could carry or wear that could represent your dad being with you. I truly believe that even though he’s not here physically, he will be with you on your wedding.
Post # 5
Oh chick. ((Hugs)). I’m no use to you, I just wish you well! Don’t make any decisions about aisle walks and whatnot til you have to. Leave that til you’re less fragile.
Post # 6
I read this and started to cry. I am a daddy’s girl and I am so lucky to have him in my life for this. Last week though in a strange conversation my father said to me, “if something should happen to be before your wedding I want Jacob to walk you down the aisle.” It was such a strange conversation and I dismissed it.
When I read your post I thought, if my father, who sounds exactly like yours, wanted someone else to walk me down the aisle in his place, then so does yours. You probably know who he would pick. You’ll need someone there not to take his place but to hold you up if you can’t in that moment. Take this day give your father what he would have wanted for you, a dream wedding, and dedicate it to him. Celebrate his life. Mourn now, pick yourself up and do it for your dad. I don’t know you but I hope that you have the most amazing wedding and the happiest of marriages. You deserve it.
Post # 7
I’m another fellow daddy’s girl who lost her father before her wedding. 🙁 My dad passed away nine years ago (also from cancer and he passed away two months after his diagnosis) and I still miss him every day. My dad and I were really close and it really sucks because he would have loved my husband (who I met long after my dad passed away, so they never met). I got married five months ago and honestly, it was tough. I had my brother walk me down the aisle and he’s a jokester, so he tried to keep my mind off my dad. As a little girl, I had always looked forward to my dad giving me away. My husband did a mother-son dance, so I did a dance with my brother to the song “You’ve got a friend in me” from the movie Toy Story. We also had everyone join in on a regional silly dance in honor of my dad (I had cards on the table explaining the meaning behind the dance). It helped me that we did something sweet to honor him, and I know he was looking down on us and was very proud of my brother walking me down in his place.
I have a tough time looking at pictures of my family from the wedding since it reminds me that my dad is not here anymore.
Your dad would not have wanted you to miss out on having a wedding! He will be there with you in spirit.
Post # 8
I am so sorry! I can only imagine the pain that comes with loosing a parent. reading this made me tear up. But like you said your dad would want you to have the wedding and would want you to be happy! It is hard right now to think about your wedding without you dad and it probably always will be but don’t you think you will regret not having the wedding at all? You will want to celebrate with your families and eventually show pictures to your children!
A couple points came to mind when i was reading your post. I agree with the other posts though, you need to take your time to grieve and not make these minor decisions right now if you do not want to.
1. You don’t have to walk by yourself. What about walking with you FI or having him meet you half way?
2. You don’t have to have the mother/son dance. You can have your 1st dance with your husband and then let your husband and his mom share a dance on their own sometime in the night.
3. You can find a way to honor your dad that day.
Post # 9
And those pictures are wonderful!! I know you will cherish those happy times and that is what he would want you to remember and think about when you think about him!
Post # 10
Thank you for all of the kind words. I think I want to put a picture of my dad in a locket on my wedding bouquet… i thought that was a cute idea.
Post # 11
A friend of ours father had died some years before. When she walked down the aisle, she carried a folded flag (he was a veteran). She placed the flag next to a picture of him near the pastor. That way, it was like he walked her and then watched the ceremony too. I can;t explain how it made me feel when I saw that. Meaningful beyond words.
Post # 12
I am so sorry for your loss (hugs!) — I too teared up reading your post! I love your pics with your Dad. He looks a little bit like my Dad. 🙁
I’ve gone through a lot of blogs and there are a lot of inspiration out there on how to honor a Dad/Mom. I saw one which had a “cigar station” with a framed picture of her Dad smoking a cigar — the Dad loved cigars! I thought that was cute.
Another bride used hydrangeas all throughout the wedding because her dad liked white hydrangeas.
Maybe you could come up with some similar things to honor your father. Congrats on your wedding!
Post # 13
Just a thought… what about having your grandfather and brother walk with you a short way down the aisle, and then walking alone for a little bit… you could put in your program something about how these men represent your father’s heritage and legacy… but that his death has left an absence in your life that no one can fill.
Post # 14
Your post made me cry.
My father passed away 16 years ago, when I was 10 years ago, but still to this date I can’t talk about him or think about him without crying. And like you, on my wedding day I think I’ll be a mess too, specially when I look at my mum or at my grandmother.
If you want to walk down the aisle alone, you should do it. Everyone will understand and it won’t change the fact that yes, it will be an emotional wedding…
Post # 15
I’m so sorry!
But..there is nothing taht says it has to be a man that walks with you. What about your Mom?
Post # 16
i’m sorry to hear this.. i don’t have any good advise, sorry, but i do wish you have a wedding because i know that’s what a loving father, like yours, would want for you.