(Closed) Dad’s Having Trouble Letting Go

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Do you live at home? How does your dad feel about your FI? Is that the source of any of this? What do you mean by “leaving” your dad — do you consider yourself to be an independent adult woman?

I’m a complete daddy’s girl, too, but he seems to have taken my SO as another son from the first time they met, even before we were really serious. Then after the wedding, my dad asked me if I felt different and he told me that I shouldn’t because we were already married before the ceremony.

Even so, I didn’t really involve my dad in wedding plans. What are you wanting him to do? Maybe just try to talk with him about this, and if you have a special bond make the conversation just between you and him.

Post # 6
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Maybe you can set aside time to spend with just him? I’d also talk about other things than just the wedding too, so he can feel a part of your life as a whole.

Post # 7
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

perhaps you can have one meal a week just with him? set up a nice routine and give him the chance to tell you what he thinks about wedding planning

Post # 8
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Could you try dropping a few little details now and then to see how he reacts? It might gradually get him used to the idea. If you know there are certain topics that would interest him more, say music or photography, throw some ideas his way and see if he offers some input. Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

He may just take a while to warm up to the idea of you getting married. I think this happens a lot with dads, even though I said already that my dad wasn’t like that. You know he doesn’t want you living at home when you’re 35 or intend to actively treat you like a child, but it’s hard to realize how quickly your children grow up and are ready to move on.

Maybe you could talk with him about how his FIL reacted when he was marrying your mom … my dad tells me that my grandad didn’t like him at first either! My father talks about being invited over for Sunday dinner when my grandmother would make roast beef and he ate so much that they didn’t have their usual leftovers to make into lunch sandwiches the rest of the week.

I know you said it’s not that your dad doesn’t like your FI, but maybe things will get easier during these two years and then after you’re married, too. Just keep him involved in your life as well as your wedding plans. You’ll get a feel for what he’s interested in.

Post # 10
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I didn’t have the same problem with my dad, but my little brother was another story!  My little brother is 12 years younger than I am (which puts him at 16 right now) so I have always been more of a 2nd mom to him.  I can also say he’s one of my best friends.  When my fiancee and I started talking about getting married, I told him it wasn’t my dad he had to worry about, but my brother who would have the hardest time letting go.  Thankfully I have an awesome fiancee.  He not only asked my dad for permission to marry me, but my little brother as well.  I know that keeping an open communication line with my brother has really helped.  Yes, things will “change,” but I’ve let my brother know that the important stuff won’t change:  I’ll always be his 2nd Mom/Sister, he always will be one of my closest friends, and he will always always be welcome in my home to hang out and carry on our “traditions” that we have.  Gemstone, getting married won’t change you be a daddy’s girl.  You’ll always be his little girl.  My mom has been married for 32 years and still calls her dad “Daddy” and acts like a Daddy’s girl 🙂

Post # 11
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

It could just be a mix of being a guy and having a long engagement!  I had a 2 year engagement too, and my dad wasn’t really into the wedding, more just saving for it 🙂  He never was though.  He loves my DH and is happy we’re married, but he didn’t care about the wedding at all!  It’s ok, it’s a guy thing.

Post # 12
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

*hugs* I know how hard this is! I’m not really what you would call a daddy’s girl, exacly, but our relationship has improved the last few years and even the thought of my boyfriend asking my dad if he can marry me is terrifying me!

Post # 13
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I live at home too and I’m getting married in 17 days! I am a HUGE daddy’s girl and he’s being all great and helpful and supportive, but I think deep down it hurts him to see me go.  And that breaks my heart.

Post # 14
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Things are changing and everyone needs their own time to adjust.  While your dad has verbalized that he’s happy for you, don’t expect him to express his happiness in talking about wedding planning.  He may defer wedding talk to your mom and be perfectly fine with it.  

I’d suggest spending time with him, as he is likely feeling a whole myriad of emotions.  If you think about it, he’s been the #1 guy in your life and your FI is now that guy.  It’s part of life, but the transition is difficult.  And, sadness is a completely normal and natural feeling (on both of your parts).  

And, I think it’s normal for parents to view their kids as kids… no matter how old they are.  Put yourself in their shoes – it’s very emotional!!

 

Post # 15
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

My dad has had a hard time as well. Initially he was happy when I told him and my step mom that we were engaged, but he was in denial about the plans and hasn’t been involved. I realize he’s having a hard time letting go, but his non interest in the plans are very tough on me. But I’m carrying on as normal, trying to be sensitive and still do things together. The tricky part was deciding to move our wedding to fall 2009 instead of spring 2010 and my dad getting very upset and saying no. I really wanted a fall wedding, but I decided to deal with spring and give him the extra time to get used to the idea of me getting married. I’ll just have a semi-fall color wedding in May. (navy and orange).

It’s a normal part of life, and it is  very happy, but sad at the same time because it’s a huge change/transition for everyone. I think trying to keep or even strengthen the connection to your father and letting him know that even though you’re getting married, you’ll always need him around for things and will always love him are the most important things to keep in mind. And then just remember that he’ll adjust and sometimes people just need the time to adjust. There might not be anything you can do to make it different.

Post # 16
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This reminds me of my dad, he hasn’t said anything about it but he did talk with my mom… He was really sad that I will leave soon, but he’s also happy that I will be happy and this means a lot to me.

 

This is something really hard, just give him some time 🙂

 

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