Post # 1
Ok, I’m going to try to keep this short and sweet, but I just basically want an idea of what you might do in my situation. My father is getting married June 21 (next month). I am not in the wedding, but my brother is, and we have already amde all the arrangements to get him there, etc (he’s under 18 and the wedding is not nearby). I have met my future step-mother, but not her three children (and I won’t meet them until the wedding day, they all live faraway as well). Last month I received an invitation to my father’s wedding in the mail from my future step-sister, with an RSVP printed "Katie and Guest". My "guest" will be my fiance, whom I have been with for SIX YEARS. My sticking points are these: 1) my dad knows I am attending his wedding, should I still RSVP to this step-sister figure? and 2) I think common courtesy would dictate that she word the RSVP with my fiance’s name, considering he is a part of OUR family and has been around a long long time and is very important to ME (also, if she did not know his name, which might be understandable, all she would have to do is ask my dad or her own mother via e-mail or something). What do you think? Am I being petty or…? My inclination is to send the RSVP but cross out "guest" and put my fioance’s name there instead, but is that being too mean/pushy/snotty/whatever towards this step-sister I’ve never met? Just wondering! Thanks hive!
Post # 3
RSVP. Just like you need to get accurate counts for the caterer, they do too! Even if you said that you’d be there, they might not remember (I’ve been reminded multiple times to remember to count myself and my fiance in our numbers!).
And yes, it’s common courtesy, and yes, it’s annoying. I’ve been there. But I would just let this one go, in the spirit of choosing one’s battles wisely. Maybe this is a good opportunity to call, ask her if there’s anything you can do to help out with the wedding, and casually slip your FI’s name in the conversation?
Post # 4
I know that we all go for the true etiquette rules, and I’d be pretty peeved as well. However, that being said, I definitely wouldn’t push the issue, she was probably just in a rush, or possibly she doesn’t know. Obviously, your father knows about your fiance, but she may not. You said you’ve never met her. She’s probably trying to do her mom a favor by taking care of the invitations. I would definitely RSVP, think about how you would feel the roles were reversed. You know these people are coming, but you still want everyone to RSVP. In the space to write names (if there is one), write your fiance’s name. And if there isn’t space, write it anyway. They’ll want it for escort cards if they’re having one. She probably wasn’t meaning any harm by this at all, and if she’s a half decent person (which I’m sure she is!) she’ll probably feel like a total @$$ when she realizes what she did (or didn’t do). I guarantee you she didn’t do it on purpose, so keep things on a good note for when you meet her. She is going to be your family, afterall, try to start things on the right foot. Good luck!!
Post # 5
I agree with pp. I’d be a little put out, but remember that your future step-mom and her daughter are the ones planning and taking care of everything. I remember trying to get FI to get the names of his friends’ SOs–it was like pulling teeth!! Seriously, he didn’t understand that it was important and on more than one occasion just told me to put "Mrs. Smith" instead of "Jane Smith." Ugh! So cut them a little slack; I’m sure they didn’t mean any slight.
But I would go ahead and put your FI’s name on the RSVP. That’s not being petty, it’s just giving them an accurate guest list. You could even write a not about how excited you are for your future step-family to meet your fiance–it’s a polite way to underscore the point. Oh, and definitely RSVP. I sent my dad (who I knew was coming) an RSVP and when I talked to him a week later, he asked if he needed to return it. I believe my exact words were "If you want to eat!" =)
Post # 6
Thanks guys! You’re right, I don’t want to start things off on the wrong foot, but I DO want my future family to know my future husband and treat him the same as they hopefully will treat me, and we will treat them, with openness and kindness. Thank you for understanding!
Post # 7
I would RSVP just to be nice, but I also think it is rude to put him on the invite as "guest." A couple people have done this to me and my FI lately and I’m like HELLO, he’s been around for 5 years…I don’t know if people get lazy or what. I would personally cross out guest and write in his name, but that’s just me.
Post # 8
Definitely write in your FI’s name, but try not to take it too personally, especially if the guest list is large. They may have been in a rush or don’t realize what a faux pas it is. I like ljlkclark’s idea of including a note – nice touch!
Post # 9
Write in your fiance’s name. With my sister’s wedding, sometimes we just didn’t know how to spell people’s names or didn’t know and the invites had to go out and my dad wsan’t picking up the phone. It’s annoying, but since you haven’t met, I think it’s not as offensive as it could be.
Post # 10
I understand your situation, as that my parents divorced 3 years ago and are now dating other people who don’t know me/perhaps I don’t care for/etc.
Some people feel it’s traditional to put "and Guest" WHENEVER the person is not married. It’s not personal, it’s just an envelope. I would try to not take it so personally and RSVP by putting your fiance’s name somewhere on the return card.