(Closed) Dad/Stepmom paying for wedding

posted 6 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 3
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I would focus on your relationship with your stepdaughter and be there to support her as much as possible. I would also let her call all the shots when it comes to decisions regarding her mom. You know the dyamics better then all of us, but I know that I felt a lot of pressure to include everyone and keep the peace as much as possible (more so with FI’s family then my own, both are divorced), but at the same time not stepping on my toes when there were things that I wanted to share specifically with my mom (which may be you in this situation).

I think it would be best to drop that her mom isn’t paying for anything. Her mom is still her mom regardless of if she contributes or not and your daughter may chose to still involve her in the wedding planning.

Post # 4
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Can you do something like: “Bride and Groom, together with their parents, invite you to their super awesome wedding of a lifetime…” ?

Post # 5
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Does your stepdaughter want her name on the invitation? The thing is, although it would be nice to never think about who’s spending what, the person paying for the wedding is technically the host and the person listed on the invitation is considered to be hosting it. My IL’s didn’t contribute to the wedding at all and their names weren’t on the invitation.

I agree it’s about SD’s wants and needs in this situation, so just let her know that you’ll back her 100% no matter what she chooses. That way she’ll feel okay including her mother knowing it won’t hurt you, but also she’ll feel okay leaving her mother out of things without guilt. I also don’t think you should worry about her mother getting mad or having a fit over what the bride decides, or at least don’t show that you’re worried. I’m guessing maybe SD is looking to you to lead by example in a way, so be the first one to tell her it’s about what SHE wants and not about what her mom wants, and show her that you’re not scared of what anyone thinks. Brides feel so much guilt as it is just trying to keep everyone happy, all you have to do is advocate for her. Happy planning!!

Post # 8
556 posts
Busy bee

if she feels slighted, tell her to chip in. it doesnt seem like she has a relationship w/her daughter anyway so why give her a free ride of recognition or try to accomodate her during this wedding?

weddings make people crazy and bring out tons of egotistical drama.

i would minimize focusing on the “mom” and just lasereye focus on your daughter. negative attention is still attn so when she does  attention seeking behavior, ignore it. i wouldnt include “mom” in any planning. just tell her to show up at the wedding. done.

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