Post # 1
I was reading this article earlier http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2730323/You-invited-wedding-pay-food-honeymoon-The-tricks-money-grabbing-brides-using-bleed-guests-dry.html
It seems a bit far fetched to me in places, this is a UK newspaper and tiered invitations are common here, as are cash bars. I was feeling quite confident ahead of sending out save the dates, not so much now, although we are planning to send fridge magnets rather than a ’round robin’ email.
I don’t see how registering for honeymoon vouchers is rude though? Any other Bees have any thoughts on this? (Other than the DM is a hideous rag?)
Post # 2
- Wedding: May 2015 - Backyard
UGH. First world guest problems much? I would totally be okay paying for my own food (depending on the friend and how badly I wanted an invite).
As a bride, my first reaction was to get extremely defensive–some people really just don’t have the money to put on the wedding everyone else wants them to have. My FI and I have a very simple mantra: if you want it (and we don’t), you pay for it. You want us to have a great big venue, you pay for it. You want us to have dinner catered in, you pay for it.
Giving cash to the bride and groom is traditional in many cultures, but it’s evolving with the times just like everything else.
Personally, I’ll be sending out real invitations, and we’ll have an open bar. However, I had friends offer to create my cake, do my make up, design my invitations, and hold my wedding at their houses. I didn’t ask for any of it. It’s not “bleeding people dry” when they volunteer based upon the agreed guest count.
Post # 3
I’ve never heard of any guest paying for things upfront… I think that’s a myth.
Bring a dish? Yes, I’ve seen this in smaller, cheaper weddings. It’s happened for generations. I’m sure some of my older relatives had what Americans would call “potlucks”. I would say it is much less common nowadays, but it used to happen all the time.
Guests paying for the honeymoon (honeymoon registry) and swapping gifts on the list for cash? Totally normal. Happened for years. People prefer cash gifts because they are getting married later and don’t need house stuff.
No paper invites… when couples I know have done this, it’s usually about the planet and their carbon footprint, not money.
I’ve never known anyone to “drink swap” and find it hard to believe that it happens.
Polystyrene tiers on the cake is normal. There’s always loads of wedding cake left over at the end anyway, so if you want a fancy cake then why not add a dummy layer? The guests will still get fed. I fail to see how that’s cheating your guests. Likewise, how is reselling your wedding gear (games, crockery) after the wedding somehow dishonest? That just seems smart.
I also fail to see how asking someone for help with the flowers or cake instead of a gift is somehow rude. It’s also incredibly presumptuous to assume that, if someone helps with the wedding, they will also be handed a gift list and expected to give a gift. It’s either/or.
I have no idea what planet this writer is on when they talk about inviting some people only for the evening, and pay bars. This has always, always been the norm in the UK.
This writer is making mountains out of molehills…
Post # 4
I think the article is very typical of the stuff the Daily Mail prints, biased/untrue/ill-informed. I’m a journalist student and literally everyone I know studying or working in the industry looks down on the Daily Mail.
I’ve never heard of a single UK wedding that actually uses the ‘cover your plate’ method, but if I was invited to one I don’t actually think I would mind. I imagine I’d be close to the couple so I would see it as a nice way to help them out. The quote ‘there is a big difference between handing around a hat to pay for the band, to having to fill in a bank draft to pay for your supper in order to attend the wedding in the first place.’ just exaggerates the point of offering guests the option of cash INSTEAD OF GIFTS to a ridiculous standard to make brides seem greedy.<br /><br />
Then when it talks about swapping gifts it makes the very reasonable point that couples live together before getting married more and more now so they often don’t NEED household staples, but act as though it’s still unreasonable. Then the bit that says it can be hurtful to ‘go to a lot of effort to buy something personal’ for the couple and have them exchange it while talking about registry toasters and irons as though they’re really well thought-out items the couple will cherish forever?
I just think the whole article is exaggerated and silly, even the email part sounds ridiculous. I can imagine an electronic save the date being popular but I can’t imagine anyone really sends out emailed invitations, and if they do it’s certainly not common.
And as if making stuff your wedding then selling it on after is the same thing as devising a plan to make money? Did they ever stop to think how helpful it is for brides to buy used items at a lower cost in the first place?
I actually think some of the things are kind of genius. The part about a polystyrene cake is so hilarious to me because I don’t even eat cake but everyone I’ve told that I’m not having a traditional wedding cake has told me I HAVE to. So, I HAVE to shell out on an expensive cake that I won’t eat even though I’m already providing a well stocked dessert bar so there’s enough cake/pie for everyone?
I don’t see anything wrong with skipping some things or cutting back on others to save money. It’s your wedding after all. And there is DEFINITELY nothing wrong with asking your friends for help if they have a skill you can use, that part is ridiculous. More often than not friends will offer to help for free without having to ask them. A friend of mine is making my invitations and she won’t let me pay her, but I’m going to buy her a gift and budgeting £100 – £200 for it.
I’d just ignore it all together tbh, the Daily Mail are only as popular as they are because they thrive on misinformation.
Post # 5
I read each part of the list, and it makes me giggle. Oh Daily Mail. you are entertaining! There are so many half truths in this that are twisted to sound like every one of these people is horrible when it’s just normal and makes sense.
Post # 6
The article on second reading is quite demeaning towards couples who maybe don’t want to or can’t afford to spend a ridiculous amount on their wedding. We certainly won’t be registering for a traditional gift registry as we don’t need more stuff, I don’t see how a honeymoon contribution registry is rude or unreasonable.
as for the brides making money out of selling or renting out wedding items after the event, good on them. Innovation does not equal greed.
CarlyPalmer: I totally agree re the DM, it’s time I started reading something better!
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
BellaBeau: LOL the only part that I have no idea what they are are … uninvitations? I’ve never heard of such a thing. Are they talking about wedding anouncements? Most of it is simply ludicrous. I believe that maybe a few couples have done some of these things, but half of it is whatever and the other stuff is just so ridiculous. Cash bars are common where I am from, and so is the idea of only the wedding party and parents having their drinks for (this never put me off). We aren’t doing it but invitations where people are only invited to the dance portion does happen. And since when is selling your wedding stuff after such a terrible thing? What else are people going to do with all those things? Throw them in the landfill? Let them collect dust? Why not get some money back? The article is just silly.
Post # 8
BellaBeau: I read that! It was strange because, like you said, it was bucking against all of the UK wedding trends. For example, I have never been to a wedding that DIDN’T have evening-only guests or a cash bar.
FI and I have our own place and don’t need pots and pans. We have decided not to register at all and guests can either buy us a gift or their own choosing of give us money – it’s up to them (if they want to get us a guft at all that is!). I have people who are of a much older generation coming to my wedding (80’s – 90s). When they received their invitation they called my mum and asked what gift I would like. My mum said they we had everything we needed so a gift was not necessary. The guest then asked my mum if it would be ok to give us a cheque. I don’t think thats bad etiquette, I think thats the guest choosing what they want to buy us.
And I fully intend on selling items like the hundreds of candle holders I bought for the wedding. What on earther am I going to do with them now?!
Wow that kinda turned into a rant! It’s a silly article and I’m just going to ignore it 😉
Post # 9
Very strange article for the UK – cash bars are at I reckon around 80% of weddings here!! It’s not considered tacky at all (people generally supply welcome drinks and drinks with the meal).
We’re not expecting anything from anyone, but we didn’t want a gift registry as why would we want stuff we will never use?! So we’ve put a tiny note on our info to say we don’t expect anything, but as we’ve lived together 3 years and have all our homeware, if someone would like to give a gift a contribution to our mortgage pot would be greatly appreciated!
It’s also really common to invite people to just the evening do as well! I’ve been an evening guest at a few weddings, and have always just been happy to share in the couple’s big day!
Awful article, from the Daily Fail as ever!! They really are low journalism here.
Post # 10
The only thing that i find really rude is inviting people to ceremony and a cash bar, and having dinner with selected group in between that. It is done where i live now ( a country in western europe) but i would never go to a wedding like that. however i wouldnt mind just going to the bar.
Post # 11
And I really dont understand how renting or selling stuff you used for your wedding is greedy!!
Post # 12
Urgh! The Daily Mail is just embarrassing
Post # 13
They have to be making that up- bank details on an invite?! I am from a culture that looks down on talking about/asking for money including honey/mortgage registries – if our couples want cash they go about it the way linnylou_88: described- by not registering at all (people get the hint).
most of the (probably, hopefully exaggerated) examples are pretty ghastly to me (as a result of my money is a no no upbringing) with the exception of renting/selling wedding decor after- who cares?!
Post # 14
BellaBeau: To me, it doesn’t sound like it was written by someone from the UK. None of those things are rude where I’m from.
Post # 15
Say it with me, Ladies, The Daily Mail is a horrible rag.
I guarantee that you will be a happier person is you ignore it and all it stands for!
Happy Friday, everyone!