Dance Invite, Bring a gift??

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

I wouldn’t.

Post # 3
Member
3350 posts
Sugar bee

I would bring a nice card if you want, but I wouldn’t feel like I had to bring a gift.

In my area, its common for the dance portion of the wedding to be open to everyone, so I’ve often gone to just the dance and brought a card. BUT my area mostly does cash bars- if I went to the dance and there was an open bar, I might stick a little cash in the envelope too.

Post # 4
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Dance invites are common in my area. I had one where people got dance invites also! In my case, I always give a small gift. Speaking from experience of my own wedding, I would say 75% of people who were invited to the dance only did not bring anything or just a card and maybe 25% of people gave a gift. We expected to recieve nothing, it was quite a suprise to recieve anything.

Post # 5
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

This isn’t something people do in my area, but I think I would only bring a card.

Post # 6
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

missabby:  This is a thing?!  I would probably bring a smaller gift than I would to a wedding where I got to attend all of the festivities!

Post # 7
Member
2519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

missabby:  If there is an open bar bring a gift, otherwise I would just bring a nice card.

Post # 9
Member
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i don’t think you have to, but you can if you want.

i asked my friends who were invited to the dance not to bring a gift.

Post # 10
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee

missabby:  Well, most properly you should never bring a gift to a formal party anyway: wedding gifts should be sent ahead of time to the bride’s home. Hostess gifts for other events should also be sent rather than brought, either the morning of the party or along with your bread-and-butter note the next day. If you ever do happen to bring a gift with you, it should be given unobtrusively so as not to embarrass any other guests who might suddenly feel judged for not having brought a gift.

But besides that little detail of how to send the gift, your real question is about whether to send a gift. And for that you must remember that what makes it a gift and not a cover charge, is the fact that its value is determined only by your feelings of regard for the happy couple and not by any mercenary considerations of what you are getting out of the deal. Think about it this way. The day that you hear of an impending wedding, you do have a social obligation to send a note of congratulations. That is the only thing you are obliged to send — a note, not a gift and certainly not cash.  If, when you hear about the wedding, you feel a sudden surge of generosity and want to send a gift, you should wait until you receive an invitation to the wedding breakfa (which is usually a dinner and does not involve bacon and eggs) and restrain your generosity if you do not receive such an invitation. This is because gifts impose on the recipient an obligation of appreciation that could overburden the level of friendship you enjoy. No-one should ever assume that a gift would be welcome, and should always be prepared for their gift to be kindly declined. An invitation to the wedding breakfast indicates that a gift will be accepted.

Note that so-called “tiered weddings” which are largely denigrated nowadays, were traditionally the norm; as was the general knowledge that a ceremony-only invitation (and by extention an invitation only to the “public” portions of the celebration such as a dance) did NOT indicate that a gift would be acceptable.

Post # 11
Member
30 posts
Newbee

Any time you attend a wedding function you should at least send a card of congratulations to the happy couple. My Sister and BIL were highly offended that 2 of their guests (family) at a plated dinner did not even bring a card or say congratulaions. Very rude.

Post # 12
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Nah. We invited people to the reception and I wouldn’t expect a gift. A card with a nice message would be kind x

Post # 13
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

So this is like only being invited to the recepetion? Will you be given dinner? Sorry, I am unfamiliar with this custom. I would at least bring a card and if this is like a recepetion, I would gift. 

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