(Closed) dance issues

posted 8 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m guessing (hoping) that you father won’t be drunk during your ceremony right?  So if you do the first dance with your FI and father-daughter dance as one of the first things upon arriving at the reception, he shouldn’t be too drunk at that point (maybe I’m wrong about this though – I’ve never known an alcoholic).  So you can do two dances at the start, make your mother happy by dancing with your father (and you happier because he won’t be very drunk yet), and then avoid dancing the rest of the night.

As for the games, are you having kids at your reception?  You could pose the plan more as something for the kids to do to entertain themselves but then also have more adult games that you’ll enjuy playing with people.  I don’t have many thoughs though on what games to have; I’ve never seen something like that done before.

Post # 5
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

really, you don’t HAVE to dance with anybody. you’ll be so busy talking with people, i’m sure you will always be able to find a reason to get out of it. you could even develop some sort of signal with your husband that he can come save you if you’re uncomfortable.

we didn’t dance at our wedding. i hate dancing, and i didn’t want to be miserable at my own wedding. nobody seemed to miss it, they stayed way later then expected b/c they were happy mingling, and one of our friends said that she didn’t even realize there wasn’t dancing until i told her.

Post # 6
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I agree.  It’s totally up to you whether or not you dance with your father.  No one should guilt you into doing something you are uncomfortable with.  Be very firm… you have great reasons. ๐Ÿ™‚

As for the games, I personally love that idea for receptions, especially if you know that some of your guests wouldn’t dance anyway. Here are some game ideas:

1) Make a little quiz book for each guest.  It can be as simple or complicated as you want.  Maybe a wedding crossword, bridal party name word search, relationship multiple choice quiz, etc.  Having something like this at each place will give people something to do.

2) Play I Spy!!  Photography ISpy would also give you candid pictures during the reception if you ask your guests to give them to you (or get disposable cameras).  I would put things on the card that would happen throughout the whole reception (ie, photo of the table, the Maid/Matron of Honor, cake cutting, first dance, etc).  I know other bees have done this and it was a HUGE hit.

3) Your wedding is in April, correct?  If the weather and your venue is appropriate, you could set up croquet/bocce ball outside!  I always thought that would be so fun, and very unique.

4) You could also set up a few tables in the corner with some popular board/card games.  We might be doing this at ours since BF’s family are HUGE game people, and some won’t dance.  If it’s out of the way, people can still feel part of the festivities, but also are doing something that they are comfortable doing.

Hope that helps!! ๐Ÿ™‚


Post # 7
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I can’t really help with the first two questions, but some suggestions for 3 and 4:

3.  how to get out of dancing beyond the first dance

Appoint yourself as the games organizer.  Even if the games are only for the children, having a specific role you have to play right after your first dance will keep people from asking you to dance.  Once the games have started, you can slip back and chat with people.  If anyone asks you to dance at that point, it will be much easier to say that you’ve been helping with the games and really need to be off your feet right now.

4.  some support, having a dad you used to look up to so much be an active alcoholic when you’re sober is really hard.

Tell me about it!  I’ve had two weddings, without a father-daughter dance at either of them.  The first one, we didn’t have dancing at all. And much of his family exited en masse when they realized that we had “only” wine with lunch, and that the bar had closed.

For my second wedding, my father was not even invited.  Honestly, it was a major relief!  We were able to make decisions about what alcohol to provide without worrying that too little would cause people to leave, and too much would cause them to be obnoxiously drunk.

Post # 8
4485 posts
Honey bee

You need to put your foot down. If you do not want dancing and are that uncomfortable with it, *no one* has the right to force it upon you. Tons of weddings everyday skip the dancing and guests are fully able to enjoy themselves without it.

Post # 9
1104 posts
Bumble bee

Why is your FH so insistent on you dancing with your father when you have such good reasons not to? (Even if they weren’t *good* reasons, it’s your wedding and your father so I think you get final say!) That is the strangest thing to me. I love dancing, Darling Husband doesn’t. We did our first dance and he ran away after that and spent the rest of the night socialising with all the other non-dancing guests, while I burnt up the dance floor. FUN!!! So even if you don’t have games, you don’t have to dance, people will have fun regardless. You really just need to stay strong, enlist your FH’s support to back you up, and repeat the same phrase over and over again like “I’m sorry that won’t be possible.” Good luck!

Post # 11
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Awww that stinks.  The only thing I can think to tell you is to keep busy socializing.  Tell your Fiance and close family and friends to run interference for you… sort of intervene if someone tries to pull you on to the dancefloor.  I can’t think of specific games that would be good.  I don’t know about our venue or theme, but if the weather cooperates and your wedding is outdoors and not formal, you can get inspiration from picnic games.

I feel for you though… I love dancing, but I REALLY don’t want to do the father-daughter dance for various reasons and am trying to figure out a way to get out of it.

Post # 12
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

While you already gotten good ideas on games from the other bees I can completely relate to u about your father.

I love dancing but if i was told i have to dance with my dad i would try everything to get out of it.  Also I never drink alcohol mainly due to growing up watching my father overdo it every single day and NEVER being able to rely on him..also it gives me migraine and taste horrible anyways hehe. 

Mention to your Fiance how the more you dance the more likely u will be pushed to dancing with ur father which would ruin the day for u (also mention the games here so he will support u) ..I know my SO would be on my side ๐Ÿ™‚  MY father will not be at our wedding (he lives in middle east and i just do not think he will make it)  I love my dad thu i have tried not to but the best thing for me was moving away to USA and now Canada where my relation is limited to VERYYY short phone calls.  It is always so painful when anything comes up that is related to him..my mom asks me to write to him or have a heart to heart with him and i just can never do it or takes me months she does not understand (as much as i adore my mom and am VERYY close to her) how much it kills me to express my feelings about him.  I think the best would be having a talk with ur Fiance ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
990 posts
Busy bee

Have you thought about placing a different game at each table, thus prompting people to play and be able to choose which game they want to play?

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