Post # 1
Sophomore year of college I started talking to this guy from high school. It was nice to be able to see another side to him than the wild person from high school. He was a complete gentleman to me and we really opened up to each other and started having feelings. I ended up going back to college in the fall and we kind of lost contact because he became a merchant seaman (Sailor on a cargo ship). From time to time he would go threw mutual friends to get back in contact with me. But the past two years we keep in contact from time to time on FB but it was nothing like before because I had a BF and he had a GF. I’ve been single for some months now after my almost 3 year relationship with my ex and He has been single too for about a year after a 1 year relationship. I’m over my ex I feel we have been breaking up for the past 1.5 years. I focused on myself school and God I’m just trying to get myself together and get back to the fun me before my EX. I’ve been going out with my GFs and really enjoying life. I’ve recently started getting my feet wet again in the dating world and started talking to guys and going dates. Well one day I was on FB and I saw he was online which he never is so I wrote him just to see how he is doing we chatted a little and I just went for it and gave him my number and told him to keep and contact. Honestly I didn’t think he actually would, but that same day he text me and we chatted. We pretty much just caught up on what was going on in each other lives. Old feelings started coming back, to see what a responsible mature man he has become really sparked it. After a week of chatting I told him that I would like for us to get to know each other more and see where it goes. He responded back that he would love that. I asked him a couple questions about his career because that would be our down fall because he’s away weeks at a time and only get to come home two at a time. He told me when he settle down he would be able to go home just about everyday instead of staying on the ship. That was good news to my ears. He knows I’m just getting out of a relationship and that I will be taking things slow and he understood and said he wanted the same because he doesn’t want to rush anything like his last relationship. I love talking to him we really are clicking but I’m a little reserved because of the distance so it’s hard to tell what’s going on between us.
My question for you ladies how do I get him interested in me and get to know each other without being boring while being long distance? How do I know he’s really interested and I’m not wasting my time
Edit: I may have used the wrong term, but he’s not in military he works on a cargo ship as a merchant seaman soon to be pilot(person who drive ship)
Post # 3
He sounds like a great guy, but I’m not a big fan of LDRs. Not that they don’t wory out sometimes (maybe even often), I just don’t like being in them. I found it was so hard to see how well we did in regular life, and it was so hard to really enjoy the bulk of my time, because we were always apart. When he gets to settle into his home base, will that be near you? If I were your I might stay friends and keep in touch until such a time as you can be together and give it an in person try to see where it goes. But that’s just me, you know your feelings best!
Post # 4
@MsCarabiner: He’s not in the service but when he settle down yes it can be near me. Thanks for the advice
Post # 5
@MrsVMT: Hi there hon. I have been in an LDR for a while and I don’t find it boring it all. if anything it’s less boring than a typical relationship because your partner is never around! That being said, I’m sure you know it is a tough life. But, you mentioned you wanted to take it slow, so this might actually work from you because you’ll get more alone time this way?
If you go ahead and take it slow with him you won’t be wasting any time because you won’t be committed yet, at least that’s what I think
Post # 6
I couldn’t do this, but that doesn’t mean you can’t. For me, a big part of the relationship is physical; getting to hug, kiss, cuddle, etc on a daily basis is important for me. If it was just a casual relationship, I wouldn’t care as much, but I would have a hard time if it got serious.
Post # 7
My DH and I were in a LDR 5/6 out of the 7 years we were together. Like you we also met when I was in college. It was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Bc of his family and work he was rooted firmly in AZ. Bc of my schooling and subsequent career I was in LA and TX. There were times I didn’t think we could make it together. We love each other but it was hard to miss out on the every day things that I think couples who see each other every day take for granted. We missed birthdays and holidays. There were no spontaneous dates for us. Relationships are hard. They’re even harder when they’re LDR. All this being said, they are doable but you have to go in with the mindset that it’s not going to be like other relationships you had.
Post # 8
I was in an LDR with my FI for almost 4 years. The reason we did LDR was because we had 5 wonderful years together of close distance and knew that we would get through it. People with very strong foundations before starting LDR struggle enough with it. IT is a lot of hard word, and I don’t recommend starting an LDR without a stronger foundation for your relationship. I would say let it go, while you’re not too attached yet.
Post # 9
I think you two have had a good first start and as you two communicate more you both will become closer. I will say go for it but just pace yourself and know that he cant come home as often as you would like so you need to prepare yourself for that. Your relationship will not be boring because you may have times when he will not be able to contact you and if that happens when you do you will have a lot to talk about.
Post # 10
I am a Navy wife, so I understand completely. My hubby and I were friends before he joined and we started dating a year after he joined. Our first few months were LD, luckily he got stationed here. He will deploy/go underway a lot, but you should still get regular (maybe even daily, or several daily) emails from him. It is definitely a tough life; it’s said that over half military marriages end in divorce, but both my hubby’s and I’s parents were Navy couples and are still happily married, so there is hope!
IMO, give it a shot.
Post # 11
Oh oops, just saw the last part of your post… Ummm, lol! Makes post of my post irrelevant.
Just take it slow and let things develop naturally.
Post # 12
I agree with some of the other ladies. I am not a fan of long distance relationships, but if trying to get to know him take it slow. I remember trying to get to know a man who was overseas too. I think I was the only one writing him, but when he got back we didn’t really keep in touch. I guess because he had more options. I just say don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
Post # 13
@MrsVMT: I think it really depends on how much you want this relationship. My FI is a USN Submariner (Sailor for a general term), and we started out talking online for a month, and then he got transferred to a base about 1.5hrs from me when we started dating.
I fell in love with him less than a month after we started dating, so the LDR thing really didn’t bother me as long as I was able to see him (our whole relationship has been confined to weekends only due to our jobs). Plus we go for long months without seeing each other because of his deployment schedules.
If you really think this guy is worth it, I’d say go for it. He sounds like a nice guy, and a gentleman. But if you really have a strong hestitance, I’d say give it a little more time and get to know each other before settling on a BF/GF relationship.
Post # 15
Thank you guys for your responses!!
Post # 16
@MrsVMT: OP, just curious on the current status, if you’re willing to share? 🙂