Dating an older man….. Just some general advice and insight :)

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
1337 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

TackyM007:  I am not married to someone a lot older, etc, so my insight is not based upon experience, but rather perspective.  

Sure, with age gaps MAY come scutiny (but those that love you will only want your true happiness, regardless, much like you noted.  Other’s opinions need not apply!), the risk of increasing age causing increasing health concerns (mentally, physically and even emotionally), especially when one is numerically going to get there much faster than the other, and hitting different milestones in life long before the other one (such as, retirement).  

But, age gaps may not cause any of the above.  With modern medicine evolving at the pace it is, and other such things, men at 80 may never have any sexual issues, ever!!  And/or, he could be totally fine, without medical intervention, for the rest of his life!  

On top do that, age does not dictate when or how our bodies will malfunction.  I think lifestyle, and habits dictate those factors (and, genetics, of course!).  So, hypothetically, the younger party in age may have health issues first!!

Lastly, if anyone commits to someone – for life (in whatever capacity), whether they are both 20/30, or 30 years apart in age, then my hope is that whenever health or wellness fades, or looks, or sexual drive/functioning, you still think the sun shines out of that person’s ass.  That, to me, is true love 🙂  

This sounds like a wonderful relationship for you, and I wish you all the best!!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  OUgal0004.
  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  OUgal0004.
Post # 3
5922 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

TackyM007:  The thing you have to keep in mind is right now the age difference isn’t that big a deal. In your 40’s you tend to start to get minor aches and pain, with possible more serious illness, but not as likely. When you hit your 50’s, you slow down even more and more health issues crop up. In your 60’s–you see where this is going–even more health issues. Many people at that age are healthy and can make it to their late 60’s unscathed, but most at that point have some major issues. (and the energy level just isn’t the same)

So when you are 48, slowing down, but still active, he will be 60. Look at other 60 year olds. Yeah that’s what you’ll be dealing with. Are you prepared as he turns 70 (and you are 58), at best he’ll be dealing with a major health issue, at worst you’ll be a widow. 

If that risk is worth it to you, then go for it. Just be mentally prepared to be a caregiver at a time that you might not want to be. 

Post # 4
3753 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

TackyM007:  As men age, their testosterone levels decrease which can affect drive. You only have 14 years between you so it’s not a huge gap but his sex drive will slow as he ages, as yours likely will as well. It’s just life. You should have many years of good sex left!

Post # 5
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Been there done that a couple times and the older I got and matured, I realized that realistically it wont work. I was super stubborn and thought ”Oh well we love each other and age doesnt matter” etc but it does matter and it took me a LONG time to realize that.

I LOVED older men too but I at this point now, its more of a fun novelty rather than a serious relationship. And just to add in there, a lot of these older men who go for the ”younger ones” usually have some sort of agenda and if not, I question their state of mind to want to date a girl so much younger than them.


Post # 6
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

There are 14 years between my husband and me. I don’t think the age gap is ideal all the time, but it works for us.

We are expecting a baby and so he will be having a child in his mid forties. One of his beat friends is around the same age as his wife and they are also expecting a baby (best friend is his age). What I’m trying to say is that yes, sometimes I wish we didn’t have the age gap, but we love each other and make things work, and some perceived issues with an age gap also affect same age couples. 

My husband is very active and healthy. That may change as years go by, who knows. My health may become an issue someday too. No guarantees. I know a girl from high school who passed away unexpectedly this summer at the age of 30 from a brain tumour. Her husband is now alone with a three year old. 

As he gets older, so will I. There will always be 14 years between us, so even if he is slowing a little, I will be too. We won’t be in the exact same phase of our lives together, but we will accept each other as we change. 

Also, to the pp who thinks that older men with younger women have issues or agendas, I’m sure that is the case sometimes, but not always. Sometimes you just fit with someone unexpected. It doesn’t always have to be a negative thing. Good luck OP!

Post # 7
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

TackyM007:  “But, I am trying to think of what will happen once he starts having the issues that my grandfather has kinda deal…..”

I am trying to figure out what “issues” you’re talking about. Growing old? You’ll do that too, you know. If that’s a problem for you, maybe you should reevaluate how you feel.

Say your grandfather has Parkinson’s (hypothetical)– that doesn’t mean your SO will have it too.

My fiancé and I have the same age gap, and I just make sure he eats healthy, exercises and goes to the doctor (he’s military so they always get looked at). That’s all I care about. Plus, I think men get sexier the older they get.

I am mainly sad that maybe when I’m 80 he won’t be around anymore. But that’s how it is with any relationship. My grandparents were the same age, and my grandfather died in the 70s, and my grandma last year. She spent nearly four decades without the love of her life. It happens. But she wouldn’t have changed it at all.

Post # 9
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Grandma's Oak Tree

I also left a five year relationship with a guy that was 3 years younger than me. It had been over long before that.

I’m getting married October 4th. He’s absolutely, without a doubt, the “ONE.” I turned 28 October 7th (on our honeymoon) and he’ll turn 41 on October 29th. This Sunday (August 17th) is our FIVE YEAR anniversary. I am happier than I ever every been, the sex is amazing, he keeps me laughing, he works hard and loves what he does, he’s a great father to our children (his from a previous marriage but I consider them my own now). My family loves him like one of their own and he is. Im still head over heels in love after five years and I’m still excited to come home to him every day.

We met at a bar and it was just supposed to be a good time. I was a good week or two in before I knew how old he was and by that time, I didn’t care. Every morning when I left, he’d ask me “Are you coming back tonight?” and I always did 🙂 Never regretted it for a second.

What I’m saying here is don’t let the age difference bother you. If you’re happy, that’s all that matters. But I can say this, everyone won’t approve. And that’s okay. You’ll regret the things you wanted to do and didn’t more than what you wanted to, did, and it didn’t work out. The heart wants what the heart wants 🙂

Good luck <3

Post # 10
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Grandma's Oak Tree

**Correction – I will turn 28 this year**

Post # 11
519 posts
Busy bee

My ex husband was 10 years older. We were best of friends, got along great, had tons in common. That said, his sex drive went down and he stopped being affectionate after time. It’s a physiological truth, testosterone levels go down. I was worried about being alone and taking care of him as he aged, but that can happen if you’re the same age. I just didn’t really worry about it. His family all lived into their 90’s and he was obsessed with fitness. Love doesn’t mean you’re within 2 years of each other. We had a great relationship except for his lack of drive and affection, which is what ultimately ended our marriage. I never once thought about his age, it was like worrying about his hair color to me, it was just a non-issue. If you don’t make it an issue, it won’t be. I didn’t go around telling everyone our ages.

Post # 12
2748 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

I’m 33 my husband will be 44 this year. He’s my best friend. I cant immagine being with anyone else. I dont see age when I see us I see happiness and a working couple that has mutual goals and endevours.

Post # 13
262 posts
Helper bee

I am 43 and my fiance is 26. We have thought about all of this and h is ine with what ever may come our way….I feel for him because i think he will have to take care of me but he doesnt care he says

Post # 14
230 posts
Helper bee

TackyM007:  I am with an older man as well. I am 28 and he is 37. I have never befored dated someone that much older than me so this is a new expierience for me as well. Weve been together 5 years and I’ve seen him start to age.  He has matured SO much since we got together.  The sex has depleted over the past few years.  It used to be ALL the time.  2-3x a day EVERYDAY.  Now its 1x a week if im lucky.  It usually last a few minutes and its over.  It’s nowhere near how it was in the beginning.  He says nothings wrong and hes just stressed out from work but really I think it might be partly from age and he doesnt want to admit it. Another thing you wouldnt think to do while with an older man is make sure they see the doctor like they should be for checkups n such.  Their bodies are changing again and they need to have certain tests and checkups that they didnt need before.  Just to keep his health where it needs to be. Most men dont ever goto the dr unless they truly think they are dying.  My boyfriend hates going to the dr because he is scared of what they will say. He is in pretty good health (way better than my own) but I stil feel he needs to go every 6months.  If you love him you will make it work n matter what obstacles you may face.  

Post # 15
5443 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

TackyM007:  I married a man 15 yrs older than me and I am quite a bit older than you so I’m already on the verge of what you are asking about. Anyway, I decided that:

A) even if we only have 10 good years, for example, it’ll be the best 10 years I’ve ever had because he’s so freaking awesome!

B) something could happen to ME where he has to take care of ME. You just never know!

My guy is actually very healthy and way more active than me. I’ve never had anyone say anything negative to me about our age difference at all.

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