Post # 1
So I am newly single, and I haven’t really dated since I was 15.. so this is all very new for me.
I posted before about my first date since being separated, how we met online, exchanged lots of messages blah blah blah. After the date he said he felt uncomfortable with the fact I am separated and we stopped talking. Two weeks later he started messaging me again and has been daily ever since!
After a few days I sent him a message saying “So do you want to go out again, or are we just trying to outdo my last phone bill”. He replied saying that he honestly doesn’t know, that he really enjoys talking to me, but he is worried about my situation. I felt like asking why message me then but I didn’t because I like him!
So here we are, nearly two weeks since we started messaging again and I’m not sure what to do! To me, it feels silly to keep messaging and learning about each other if he doesn’t want to hang out (even as friends). Over the weekend I didn’t hear from him much, and when I did, I didn’t reply straight away as I wanted some time to cool off to see how I felt. This morning he has been messaging telling me all about his weekend, and his last message was short saying he is busy at work and is looking forward to playing poker tonight. I haven’t replied yet.
I don’t know whether he actually does like me, or is using me as a fun way to pass time? He has never been flirty in a sexual way, just playful in a G rated manner.
Should I tell him we should just be friends? Should I ask him if he is interested? Or should I just say goodbye to him because this hot and cold thing is driving m crazy???
Please help me out ladies?!
Post # 3
Are you separated as in still married? I don’t understand; sorry. If you are still married, I think you should get your ducks in a row before even trying to have a relationship with him or anyone else.
Post # 4
If it were me, I would stop responding and move on. Regardless if he is interested, are you ready to have a relationship right now? And in my dating experience, texting isn’t good. The guys that rely solely on text communication and do not have time to call me or see me in person aren’t worth the amount of effort it takes to respond to a text.
Post # 5
@MissTatas: The guys that rely solely on text communication and do not have time to call me or see me in person aren’t worth the amount of effort it takes to respond to a text.
AMEN! All I hear from my single and dating friends is how lazy men have gotten and dam near refuse to speak on teh phone anymore. I don’t think the solution is to give into this nonsense. Texting makes it so easy to “seem” like your connected. Its total bullshit. Its very easy to send a group text “hey how are you?” or “thinking about you?” Really dude. Pick up a damn phone. Plus there is so much that gets lost in texting. I need to hear your voice, I need to see your eyes, judge your body language. I swear if I was back out in the dating scene I would not put up with all this message, message, text bullshit. Pick up the phone and call me or there is no “date”. End. of. story. Honestly I think we just have remember to go back to basics. There is one rule that hasnt changed since the beginning of time. When a man is really intersted in you, there is no keeping him away. He’ll be eager to spend time with you and not have you begging for scraps of his time.
I’m not clear on this seperated thing either. Are you divorced or what? I personally would never date anyone who is seperated – and he made it clear that is and issue and stopped communciating with you. I think he’s just keeping you around frankly. And don’t fool yourself, there is no “lets just be friends” you guys were never friends to begin with.
Post # 6
Post # 1 http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/is-he-just-not-that-in-to-me
Post #2 http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/where-to-go-from-here
followed by this post.
This guy has had ample opportunity to see you again if he wanted to.
I honestly think you scared him off- appearing too needy after your first date.
Let it go and move on with your life.
Post # 7
Ugh. Take it from me. I went on 30 dates with people I met on an online dating site. The number one rule is DO NOT CHASE HIM. He should be chasing you. (And that’s exactly what my present husband did). Save yourself from hours of wondering and move on. There are “plenty of fish in the sea”. If this guy has a problem with your separation, there might be 15 more out there who don’t mind or are separated themselves.
So many times I thought a guy was for real but a texting relationship is not real (as MissTatas) said. Do you know what he’s doing when he’s just texting you? Probably calling or seeing someone else and you are 2nd or even 3rd choice. I don’t mean to sound uncaring. It’s the exact opposite actually. I want SOMEONE to learn from my silly dating mistakes.
I wouldn’t even bother telling him you just want to be friends. I’d cut all contact. If he is “missing you”, he can pick up the phone and call you and start dating you, fresh.
Really, though, I wouldn’t give him another thought. Keep trying though! And it’s admirable you are honest to guys about your relationship status.
I dated someone whom I thought was divorced. He confessed 2 months later that he was only separated and I ended it. Not because of his status but because he lied. good luck!
Post # 8
He’s keeping you on the back burner. He doesn’t want to date you, but he wants to keep you there just in case–in case he’s bored, in case he needs an ego boost, in case he doesn’t find someone else and needs an emergency date to a wedding or work event.
I had a few rules for myself when online dating (met my DH on OKCupid). One was what to discuss and how long before meeting. There seemed to be lots of guys that were just bored and wanted to chat, IM, text and never take it to RL. So I rarely IM’d with guys and after a few rounds of messages, I wanted to meet or they were put into ‘friend’ pile. I was going through a rough time, so havine several guys to message with was fun. I just didn’t put any energy into them into relationships.
Stop responding–don’t tell him you are going to stop responding. If he asks at some point why you stopped responding, let him know, “you made it clear that you don’t want to date me since I’m only separated. I don’t want to waste my time or yours. I’ll let you know when the divorce is final.”