Dating outside of your 'type'?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

bebelicious1:  I don’t think looks are everything but I do think you absolutely must be attracted to your partner. I always heard, “You can’t kiss character!”

Post # 3
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Well… I think it’s two different things – dating outside your “type” I can understand… but being with someone you’re not attracted to is completely another.

Did she actually say she is not attracted to him? Just because he’s not conventionally handsome doesn’t mean she doesn’t have some sort of chemistry with him.

 

Post # 4
Member
16 posts
Newbee

 

bebelicious1:  I have dated people ”outside my type” but there has to be a level of attraction

Post # 6
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

bebelicious1:  My FI is the first guy I dated that not my “type”. I always dated hispanic guys (I liked all hispanic guys, although my “norm” within my type was usually mexican or puerto rican).  I’ve always been attracted to personality and not looks…but they were always super skinny, about 5’7ish, and all had very similiar personality traits.  Outgoing, funny, jealous, possessive, horrible tempers, ect ect. My mom always told me if there was a loser around he would be attracted to me. I’m a very calm, low key person so for some reason I always attracted the crazies.  This included my hs sweetheart, and my 4 year relationship post hs. My mom would always tell me to try dating out of my comfort zone, but it didn’t matter, I always attracted and was attracted to the same guys. 

When I first met FI I thought he was cute…for a white guy but didn’t really think past that.  I had dated a few guys since my last break up and just wasn’t looking for a new relationship at that point.  We started to talk at work and a bunch of us would go out to lunch and there was just something about him that kept wanting me to know more about him.  After about 2 weeks of hanging out with friends he asked me out on our first date…and I’ve been with him ever since.  He’s completely opposite every guy I dated…as well as what I thought I would end up with.  He’s blonde hair, blue eyes, 6’4, sweet, funny, very even tempered (which after crazy abusive relationships…let me tell you how nice that really is!) and he loves me the way I am…and has never tried to change who I am or what I like, how I dress… when i’m with him…i’m just 100% me.  (Something I think I forgot for a couple years as I bounced from bad to worse in relationships.)

Anywho..in my case, dating outside my “type” worked out…but I think part of that was that I was ready for it.  I think had it been 5 years ago, it wouldn’t have worked out….bc I wouldn’t have been in the same place and been ready to really give it a shot and see where it went.  I would have been like one date and ok, well he’s nice…but he’s not my type…onto the next.

Post # 8
Member
356 posts
Helper bee

 

bebelicious1:  I”ve dated people who weren’t “my type” and I think I did it as a rebound. It was something new, and different. But, in the end I knew exactly what I wanted and they were never it. Somehow, I found someone who was EVERYTHING I knew I wanted. Now I look back at my ex’s who “weren’t my type” and I gag.

Post # 11
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

bebelicious1:  I know that it is entirely possible to fall in love and stay in love with someone who is physically not one’s type. My ideal body type is a tall, skinny, toned but not overly muscular guy. My fiance is my height and considerably overweight. He is not someone who would have turned my head walking down a street. That being said, I absolutely find him attractive. He has the most beautiful blue eyes imaginable, I love his hair, I love his nose, I love his hands (he has the prettiest fingernails…it sounds silly, but they are perfect), etc. etc. Most of all, I love that he is a truly good man that makes me laugh all the time, supports me, loves me unconditionally, and has values that are compatible with mine, etc. 

Post # 13
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think this is a tricky road to go down. Much like the PP, I am married to a man that is tall but overweight, and I’ve had friends actually tell me that we ‘just won’t be good together’ because I’m a short cute, all American type girl and he was basically below my level. :/ you may not think he’s attractive but she might, and it’s possible she doesn’t brag about his looks because she knows he’s not conventionally attractive. 

 

I do understand your concern that there may not be chemistry and she’s forcing it too fast but still. No one can evet truly judge a relationship properly from the outside. We just don’t see what’s in their hearts and what happens behind closed doors. I wouldn’t be with my husband if I had listened to the petty friends that thought I was too good for him. But eventually everyone could see we were truly happy. 

 

in the end, all you can do is be there for her. The only way I’d consider getting involved is if there’s major red flags like abuse or something.

Post # 14
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Physical attraction is usually what draws us to another person, having a great personality and things in order help us look past flaws [Like in high school, maybe you had a friend who was a little overweight but you hardly noticed because she was your friend? Like that, we tend to look past things like that when we like the person].

If she is not attracted to him in anyway at all, I don’t see it working. But really, that’s her and his buisness.

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