Dating/Marrying someone half your age?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

There’s a girl I went to high school with who married a man more than twice her age, I hate to judge (but I’m going to!) but I don’t know how that would really even work, she’s 23 and he’s 56, in 30 years she’ll be either alone or caring for a very elderly man.  If they’re really in love though I honestly wish them all the best, but I do not envy their situation at all.  Sure, something could happen to someone your own age (and did to a friend of mine, she’s a 28 year old widow, I couldn’t even imagine that heartbreak).  It’s been happening since the dawn of time though.  

Post # 4
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I watched a show on TLC called Cougar wives (younger guy/older woman) relationships and I found it a bit strange,  especially if it’s someone barely transistioning from their teens to their 20s dating someone middle aged.  

However its not my business so as long as they are happy.   

My SO is ten years my senior so, it’s not to bad.

Post # 5
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@sunelake27:  My dh and I have a 4 year age gap between us and I worry about that so I can’t imagine what a 20 year age gap must be like. I guess for some people it works. It wouldn’t work for me based on the type of person I am but if it works for a couple then good for them.

Post # 6
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

My mom is married to a man that is 18 years younger than her. I always found it really odd, because when she’s really old and frail, he’ll still be kind of young. [She already has ALOT of health problems, chain smokes & hacks up a lung every morning, so I assume she’ll get sick earlier than most people would].

She started dating him when he was 18.

But, she loves him and he loves her so whatever works for them.


Post # 7
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I recently finished student teaching for middle school students who are exactly half my age. I can’t imagine ever being with someone their age nor could I see them being with someone my age in the future. I find it a bit strange, not judging others. I would make references to like, N’sync when the girls would say Justin Timberlake was cute and they literally had no idea what I was talking about. It’s that generation gap! It does close as we get older, though. A 40 year old woman with a 60 year old man doesn’t seem as “bad” as a 20 year old woman with a 40 year old man. 

Post # 8
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This isn’t the case with me and my DH, but I know a few couples that would fall into this category. To me, age is just a number, but at the same time I think its strange when some people marry/are with someone that is totally at a different point in their life. Also, how does that work as time goes on? When one spouse is 80ish the other is 40ish. Or even if its 50 and 80. How much could you possibly have in common at that point? But whatever, I guess you can’t help who you love.

Post # 9
1952 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My sister’s boyfriend’s dad is in his early 40s (like 42 or something), and when he got with his girlfriend, she was almost 15. It was actually illegal. She’s 20 this year and they’re still together. I didn’t think they would last but apparently they’re doing okay for themselves, so… o.O

Post # 10
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m sure it can work for some people but what would bother me is the lack of any shared cultural references. There’s only 5 years between me and DH. We watched the same TV programmes, liked the same bands, enjoyed the same music and festivals and, importantly, were doing very similar things when significant world events occurred. So, for example, we voted in the same elections and took part in the same demonstrations against the invasion of Iraq. He he been an adult and me a small child, we’d just have such very different reference points.

Post # 11
677 posts
Busy bee

The oldest I ever went was 10 years my senior, and the gap sometimes felt huge. Heck, it sometimes feels big with 4 years, when we talk about stuff from our childhood.

Post # 12
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

FI’s aunt is married to a guy who is almost twice her age! She’s 40 or so and he’s 70. They have a little kid, too, which I find super odd – he’ll be dead by the time the kid graduates high school. Very sad. The guy is apparently an asshole, too, although he’s always been fine when I’m around. Definitely isn’t an age difference I’d be interested in, but whatever works for you (unless it’s illegal).

Post # 13
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@sunelake27:  I usually judge extreme age differences (20 plus years) pretty hard. When it’s a man with a much younger woman, I assume he just wants a hottie/trophy or is emotionally immature or both. i figure the woman has daddy issues and/or is looking for a sugar daddy.

When it’s an older woman, younger man, I’m slightly more forgiving and see it as more genuine but if the guy is really young, I tend to think he’s looking for a mommy more than a girlfriend.

For myself, I’ve never been attracted to older men. I once went out with a guy 12 years younger and while he was sweet and interesting, I just couldn’t. We were at completely different places in our lives and every time I looked at him he just looked like a baby to me and that was not particularly comfortable.

I will say that being younger, he didn’t have the baggage, cynicism or war stories of someone older and he was appealingly open, so I can see the attraction, but it still felt like I would have been taking advantage of him.

Post # 14
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would not do this. Marriage/relationships are tough enough without adding completely different generational viewpoints and issues to the mix! Relationships with more than an eight year difference never seem to work, in my viewing experience. If they do, good for them.

Post # 15
46 posts
  • Wedding: September 2014

My FI is 26 years older than me and we’ve been together 6 years-doesn’t bother us.  Occasionally someone will ask if he’s my Dad but I just say no and we don’t let it bother us.  Most of his kids are older than me and we have one together.  However I’ve always been with older guys, my last relationship we had a 15 yr gap and before that was a 4 yr.  If both people know what they’re getting into and the younger one understands that they’ll have to be taking care of the older one one day and can face the fact that they will probably be widowed earlier on in life than most, then it doesn’t matter as long as you treat eachother with respect.


-And PS it has nothing to do with money-I make enough to support myself and kids, and I owned my house before we even got engaged and used all my own money. Also we have plenty in common, we’re interested in the same things, like the same music (I like older music and some of the newer-I’m a DJ though of course I like a variety) and have the same opinions on a lot fo things.  I always hung out with my parents and other adults though growing up, never anyone my age, I always thought people my age were dumb..


Post # 16
5208 posts
Bee Keeper

@sunelake27:  My husbandis 17 years older than me. Honestly, we don’t really notice the age difference at all. He is very “young” for his age though. He has taken good care of himself and has a lot of energy and is in great shape. I have no concerns about having to take care of him. To me, it is a non issue. If he was sick, it would be my honor to care for him. And honestly……this is where rubber meets the road with marriage vows. There is no gaurantee that just because you and your spouse are young that neither one of you will end up with a debilitating disease. Working in health care, I’ve seen it…….alot. You are either in it for the long haul or you aren’t.

I know that if things progress naturally, I will likely be a widow someday. I tend to be in denial about this, and have told my husband repeatedly that he is not allowed to die before he is 105!

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