Post # 1
I was watching Dr. Phil yesterday (yes, I watch a lot of bad TV when my husband is working and I am home alone – I also worked out if that makes up for it :P) and it was about a young girl with a daughter of her own dating a registered sex offender. The family has a whole slew of issues and I won’t get into all of them, but I think the topic is an interesting one for debate.
Here is why he was a registered sex offender: he was 13 and the police report says he raped and molested an 8 year old girl. The abuse when on for 4 years and only came out in the girl’s therapy years later. He was tried as an adult, served 7 months in jail, and took a plea that involved him registering as a level 2 sex offender.
The daughter is in her twenties and her daughter is 4. The boyfriend denied actually raping the girl and said it was just touching and “playing doctor.” He said that he doesn’t feel like a registered sex offender and would never do anything like that again. He has broken conditions of his relase in terms of getting a DUI charge.
What would you do if that was your daughter? Does he deserve a second chance? Should she lose her daughter? Should the mother mind her own business? I think it is also important to note that both the daughter and her sister were molested as children and the mother is worried history will repeat itself (she was a total controlling bitch though :P).
Post # 3
I was in 8th grade at age 13…pretty sure I knew the difference between sex and “playing doctor.” Personally he wouldn’t get a second chance from me.
Post # 4
I would get in therapy with my kid, pronto.
Considering he broke conditions of his release, that was his second chance – so no. Especially with a 4 year old in the picture? Hell no.
Post # 5
@Westwood: +1. He knew what he was doing. That’s gross and I would not be ok with my daughter or granddaughter being around him.
I think it depends on the crime though, an 18 year old having sex with his 17 year old girlfriend could be charged on statutory and become a registered sex offender. Honestly, I think that’s forgivable. Hell, someone could literally pee on a park in the middle of the night and be forced to register as a sex offender. As awful as it is, it happens. Which is why I say it depends on the nature of the sex crime…but in this instance…no way.
Post # 6
I would DIE inside. I would BEG to watch my granddaughter for ALL of their “date nights”. And if he were ever going to move in with her, I’d probably try to get custody.
Anything to save my hypothetical baby granddaughter!
Post # 7
Not only did he begin at 13, at which point a boy would know better, but it continued for fours years until he was 17 and the girl would have been 12.
No way would that guy be around my kids.
Post # 8
@MrsPanda99: I don’t know. That’s a tough one. 8 & 13 seems like a pretty big age difference (at that age) and I’m sure he knew what he was doing. There is a difference between inappropriate touching and actual intercourse though.
I think he probably deserves a second chance, BUT I wouldn’t leave him alone with my young daughter, and I would likely insist on therapy, both he on his own and as a family (and probably for my daughter on her own as well to make sure she is okay and nothing is happening).
I believe that we all make mistakes, especially as young people, and too often those mistakes are held against us.
EDIT – missed the part about it going on for 4 years…that makes it a little harder to deal with…I really don’t know.
Post # 9
@BrandNewBride: Apparently the daughter sleeps in the same bed as her mother. The boyfriend spends the weekends there and sleeps in the bed with them. I am sure the daughter wouldn’t let anything happen to her kid if she’s home, but what if she isn’t? I don’t know. Like @Ninteenthchance: said, some people are called registered sex offenders for ridiculous reasons…this case doesn’t sound as ridiculous though.
Post # 10
@MsGinkgo: That’s exactly what he said. He said that he made a stupid mistake when he was a kid and now he has to pay for it the rest of his life. He didn’t understand the consequences at age 13 but he obviously does understand them now as an adult.
Post # 11
I saw that episode. That was not a case of two teens in highschool who had a little too much age difference. That guy is a perv. No way I’d allow that to happen.
Post # 12
@MrsPanda99: you never know though, I hear cases of mothers knowing sexual abuse is happening to their kids and not doing anything about it. I’d hope that he has enough common sense not to do anything of te sort now that he is old enough tto understand the consequences but you never know. I personally do not believe that sexual predators change and I would not trust that man around my child. Ever
Post # 13
“Apparently the daughter sleeps in the same bed as her mother. The boyfriend spends the weekends there and sleeps in the bed with them.”
Oh hell no. I was trying to keep an open mind about this, I was definitely thinking “umm no” after he tried to EXCUSE his crime by saying he was “playing doctor” but now I’m in the HELL NO camp and this woman is seriously putting her child at risk. Child molesters don’t just stop! They just get sneakier about it.
He could be doing things to that little girl while her mom sleeps. Even if he’s not yet, this arrangement is telling the little girl it’s ok to be in bed with him and he will use that one her when the mother isn’t around.
Just yuck…if an adult wants to date a sex offender than sure, do what you want I don’t care, but do not put a helpless child in danger.
Post # 14
@ValerieBee03: I have also heard that many pedophiles have children so they have built in victims. I certainly wouldn’t want to put my daughter in that camp.
Post # 15
In this case no way in hell. That being said lots of people (mainly men) end up on the sex offender registry for very questionable reasons (a 18 year old having sex with their 16 year old partner, homosexual behavior, etc.), so I think it needs to be taken on a case by case basis, and in this case no way in hell.
Post # 16
@MrsPanda99: Very true. That almost makes me think it wasn’t a coincidence he chose to date a woman with a 4 year old girl…My sister was a young single mother and she had a very difficult time dating…