(Closed) Daughter Marrying a Man 20 years older. 25 & 45.

posted 3 months ago in 40 Something
Post # 61
Member
739 posts
Busy bee

Astra :  that’s lovely for now but how are you preparing for your 30 year stint as a widow?

Post # 62
Member
4703 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

calliekalico2 :  I am 55 now.  And yes, I am prepared for possible widowhood, we have many family members nearby and are all very close.  Given my own health issues, it is far more likely he will be a widower.  He is prepared for that too – as much as possible.  

Post # 63
Member
952 posts
Busy bee

Some of the comments here are SO judgmental, good grief!

OP– as it’s been stated, it’s your daughters choice and hers alone. 

My parents have a 20 year age gap. My dad is into his late 70’s, he has grandchildren and life was great for us as kids. Who cares if the waiter thought he was my grandfather instead of my dad?!? If THAT scars you long term– you were pretty fragile and ill equipped for real life to begin with.

That said, of course your health declines as you age, but compatability is more important than a numerical match, IMO. My mom likes hanging out at home, traveling lightly and eating dinner at 5pm. Even though my dad is late 70’s and my mom is late 50’s, they still enjoy each others company, they still have things in common, they are able to see their grandchild grow. They live in an “over 55” community with all kinds of things that suit their lifestyle. They have a 12 pound dog they like to take for walks– it’s not like she’s out rock climbing and he’s hooked up to an oxygen tank.

As far as kids go, 45/46 is NOT too old to be a dad! Goodness. There’s plenty of people who have kids with their spouses and the dads are in their 40’s and still able to keep up. My husband is 40 and has more energy than most 20 year olds!

It’s not for everyone, but it’s also not impossible.

Post # 64
Member
2799 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

anabee323 :  my hubby is 15 yrs older than my dad. I am older in my ways ECT than my birth certificate makes me. I am still very much in love with him and I am fully prepared for being a young widow. 

beebee1983 :  I guess I don’t see it. It’s hard to explain but we just work. I’ve always been more attracted to older men since I can remember. My previous relationship I was 18/19 and he was 37.

Innerdonught :  am not being naive at all. It’s not the first time and will not be the last am sure. It’s I kinda don’t see it. We just work and it’s not until someone else who doesn’t know us makes a big deal about it that I think REALLY is it that bad .

SoonMrsCrocker2 :  that’s all true he did. However after that night I just knew he was the one. We are just so comfortable round each other. In a way I haven’t ever been any of my ex’s.  

Post # 65
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee

Gives me the heebie jeebies

*shudder*

Post # 66
Member
466 posts
Helper bee

 

doglovingwife :  Where are you from? Is marrying old men common in your culture?

Post # 67
Member
2244 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

catapple :  You can read her story on another thread

“So our story is: I was living in a ground floor flat with my then boyfriend, who was abusive. One day i was locking the door on my way out and a man was carrying boxes into the flat above me. He stopped at looked at me. He said ” hi, am going to marry you one day” then carried on moving boxes in. I was like eeeww perv. Then about a year later in which time we didn’t have any other contact than being polite in the doorways saying hi. …

one night my then boyfriend threw a plate of hot spaghetti Bolognese at me in the face. I ran outside and sat crying on the pavement /sidewalk. When the old perv from the flat above saw me as he walking in from work. He stopped, held me, got his hankie out and wiped my face clean of spaghetti Bolognese. Then he took me into his flat. Ran me a bath, washed and dried my cloths. Made me something to eat and that night let me take his bed while he took the sofa

we started dating in march 2006 and married my October 2006.

my family were all fine with it as they are all very open mined and I grew up to be too.”

Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/couples-with-a-30-yr-age-gap-we-not-alone/#ixzz4kUUaDt1V

Post # 68
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

My friend is dating someone 25 years her senior. He is older than her dad and his kids are older than she is. I can understand the appeal for her as he is quite wealthy and can provide a nice lifestyle. But I will always wonder about him. Dating someone younger than your daughter? No no no that is messed up. 

Post # 69
Member
2244 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

catapple :  Oh and this

“I am wife number 3. No children to wife 1, wife 2 has a daughter who is five years older than me. All his family have been very accepting as have mine. At first there was a lot of questions like really? Gold digger? Perv? But them they see how happy we are and make each other better people”

Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/couples-with-a-30-yr-age-gap-we-not-alone/#ixzz4kUWlZuiu

Post # 70
Member
2899 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I don’t really understand why this topic went from advising OP to interrogating doglovingwife and plastering her previous topics in this one.

Here we just celebrated pride and recently the loving v. Virginia 50th anniversary and it was beautiful recognizing the rights to love surrounding it all. Yet, it really dampens the recent atmosphere and is sad to see how much judgement and intolerance is directed at couples with large age gaps especially on these forums. I would hope whether you agree or not with age gap relationships that you still invoke acceptance, respect, sensitivity, and open mindedness but many of these posts clearly lack that.

Post # 71
Member
2244 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

soymilk :  Ok high horse we all agree everyone has a right to love who they love (excluding incest obviously…) 

But I’m sure you can understand why it’s fascinating to hear about a 37 year old gap where she thought he was an old perv in her own words…  

Doglovingwife seems quite happy to explain her own situation so no need for the self righteous indignation on a forum designed to discuss these sorts of issues

Post # 72
Member
2899 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Innerdonught :  I think there’s a difference between respectfully educationally engaging someone and engaging them with the point to pass harsh judgements which many of these posts were clear in tone with.

Whether she is happy to or not, the topic was hardly created to examine her, her prior post history, and her life plan. It clearly is no longer about the OP and her daughter’s situation. Likewise, you clearly didn’t see her original response yesterday before it was edited. 

I think I’ll keep my righteous indignation where an age gap topic becomes a dumpster fire as they all usually do on this forum.

Post # 73
Member
2244 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

soymilk :  She’s the one who chose to engage on this thread and share her personal situation. It’s not like anyone searched her previous threads and dragged her randomly into a ‘dumpster fire’…

Seems like a nerve has been struck

Post # 74
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee

soymilk is a fellow ‘large age gapper’. So yeah, nerve definitely struck.

Post # 75
Member
2899 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Innerdonught :  Seems more like two nerves struck considering your attentiveness in engaging me and efforts to deflect. 

jellybellynelly :  Thanks for noticing. 

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