Day #21-Lessons learned from a Cancelled Wedding

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

So sorry about this. However, great insight. I know it hurts now but it will get better.

Post # 4
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

 I’m sorry you’re going through this. You’re absolutely right on those last points though. I made the mistake of not canceling, because I was too terrified to face everyone. A divorce and screwed up credit history later, I wish I’d been able to say no and cancel. You did the right thing.

Post # 5
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m so sorry! 

Thank you for your words of wisdom, they’ll be really helpful to other Bees struggling with similar issues. I can’t even imagine how much you must be hurting right now, just remember when you feel really low that there’s always sunshine after the rain – it’s how we get rainbows.

(((HUGS))) 

Post # 6
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

@Macys:  A heartbreaking post, and I’m sorry you are having to go through this…but you have very eloquently shared your thoughts and hard-learned lessons.

I wish you all the best going forward!

Post # 7
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

@Macys:  *hugs* you did the right thing!! Although I can’t imagine how hard it must be. And you are right, it is so much easier than a divorce and way too many people only think about the proposal, ring, and wedding and not about the marriage or the person they are marrying. 

Post # 8
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Macys:  Sorry to hear this but very good advice. WALK AWAY if the marriage doesn’t feel right.  Weddings dont fix things and they dont patch up a broken relationship. Dont think a divorce is easier and dont think you can ignore deal breakers.  

“I want a marriage more beautiful than my wedding”  – key words. 

Post # 9
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I’m so sorry you are going through this right now.  I do agree it is tough to walk away from an engagement, but you saved yourself from divorce.  It sounds like you followed your gut and you did the right thing… even though it was painful.

Post # 10
Member
460 posts
Helper bee

Very sad indeed, and sorry for your losses … the relationship, the money, all of it. Sending positive thoughts your way that you may move on with your life, and find happiness.

Also, will say you’re very brave to share this stuff. I hope “up & coming” brides take note of your advice/lessons learned. It is so easy to get caught up in the fairytale that sometimes we forget there are also “monsters” among us.

Best of luck!

Post # 11
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

{HUG}  I’m so sorry you have to go through this but you made the right decision. I did cancell 3 years ago. It was hard, especially the part of telling others that I have to cancel.   The worst part is going to notary office to sell my portion of condo to him, it feels likea divorce for real….  

I tried to be positive and motiviate to build a new life, deep down took me 1 fully year to recover even though I’m the one who called it off. 

But honey, trust your gut and your decision.  Once I decided to be brave and face the world alone, the best thing happened… I met my FI, he is the best man I can find on earth.   Then, my career get better…and compare to 4 years ago, I feel that my life is complete now…. 

Post # 12
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Macys:  As sad as your situation sounds, its really remarkable that you seem to have so much insight into your situation, what went wrong, and how you can not only learn from it.. but also help others who may have been feeling what you felt when you made the brave decision to call it off.

 

Post # 13
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

This is really helpful advice! It’s so easy to get caught up and lose focus.

I am so sorry for your heartache. But bravo for being so brave and doing the right thing. Nothing but love and best wishes for you in the future!

Post # 14
Member
10989 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience and lessons learned with the bees.  You are so very right in all that you posted.

One of the things that really disturbs me about the modern-day process of planning a wedding is that the lead times can be so long (creating pressure on couples to lock-in dates and vendors very far in advance.) Once vendors have been booked, a financial commitment has been made that definitely can deter couples from stopping the moving freight train of a wedding in its tracks, even if the couple begins to realize that they’re making a huge mistake.

I’m sorry that you and your former FI lost time and a significant amount of money. However, I applaud you for doing the very difficult but right thing and canceling your wedding. I did the same thing many, many years ago, but, thankfully, in that situation, we and/or our families lost far less money.

Post # 15
Member
1884 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Macys:  what an incredibly strong, brave woman you are. I have zero doubt that you will get through this painful time and come out on top. Hang in there!

Post # 16
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Thank you for sharing this very honest reflection. I have read a lot of other posts from Bees who deep in their hearts, feel like something is “off,” but are too scared to call everything off. As someone who married someone I absolutely should not have married when I was 21, despite knowing deep down it wasn’t right, I can tell you that you made a wise decision. Good luck to you!

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