Post # 1
I’m six weeks out from my wedding and have fallen into a huge funk. I need some advice regarding my FMIL. FI’s parents very graciously offered to contribute to our wedding budget. A few months ago, FMIL decides to throw a “day after” brunch for her friends. I had already decided with my parents that our family would not be throwing a “day after” brunch, so my fiance and I firmly (but politely) told her that we would not be attending. So she called my parents, who were mildly offended that she decided to throw this on her own, but got over it. Tonight, FMIL inquires about the budget and “reminds” me that the cost of the “day after” brunch would be coming out of her contribution to the wedding. I’m a bit upset because we way over invited to the wedding because both sets of parents were unwilling to cut down on their guest lists. In fact, I only invited 6 of my friends (and spouses) to our 150+ wedding because no one else was willing to compromise. I realize that her money is her money to spend, but I am a little frustrated to find out six weeks before the wedding that money I had budgeted on doesn’t really exist (or is going to a purpose I hadn’t intended). I’m in medical school, so I am unable to contribute much to the wedding budget and have no idea how to come up with the extra cash to cover how much we are going over budget (and like seriously over budget here). My question is two-fold: any advice for a get rich quick scheme (besides selling my eggs…), and should I just get over the “day after” brunch thing? Money is such a sensitive topic…
Post # 3
PS. I feel horrible for the family of Annie Le, the Yale grad student who was supposed to get married today. They think they found her body…My thoughts go out to her fiance and family.
Post # 4
Have your FI talk to his mom–if she contributed to the wedding and you’ve already set aside places for her money, well, it’s not really fair of her to spring this on you six weeks before since it’s only for *her* friends, not to mention you and your Fi aren’t even going! So, question: what’s the point in the day after wedding brunch if the B&G don’t even go?! Not to mention, you and your FI didn’t even get to invite many of your own friends to your OWN wedding, so it’s basically all your parents’ guests lists and families, so why is her brunch so exclusive? not her family, too? Plus your’e already way over budget–maybe he can explain to her what’s going on and that 6 weeks before the wedding means the money has already been set aside for “x, y, and z” and make sure x, y, and z equals “45 people YOU decided to invite” since she was so staunch about her guest list
Post # 5
I agree 100% with ejs4y8. Be staunch. Her unwillingness to compromise on her guest list forced you to invite fewer of your friends because of budget constraints. You already gave up enough. If she pulls out funding for her friends, force her to cut some of her friends.
Post # 6
Aw man, that’s ridiculously selfish of her. Is she usually like this? It’s a tough situation because I’m not sure that there really is a remedy here. Someone is gonna be upset in the end. If I were in that situation I’d have my Fiance speak to his mother and explain (as if she didn’t already know), that you guys need that money. If her and her friends wanted to do brunch, why not just go out and each pay for themselves? I mean hello, they just got drinks and a nice meal the day before! I wish you the best of luck, I hope it works out. And I wish I had a get rich scheme to pass along, unfortunately, I’m broke too. I’m over budget and I’m still 9 months away, awesome.
Post # 7
I agree, be firm and tell her that you were counting on that money for all of her guests. I don’t know what she’s thinking, that’s not cool! Good luck with med school!
Post # 8
Thanks everyone for your words of support. It was really nice to turn to Wedding Bee about this. Hopefully, FI will talk to his mom (who is usually pretty nice, just overbearing), and it will be okay. And I got my first residency interview today, so that’s a positive…
Post # 9
My SIL’s mom did the same thing to my brother and her for their wedding. She kept changing what she was paying for or how much she was giving. Very frustrating. My family ended up giving them more money to cover costs and she said she’d pay us back. Been 4 months and hadn’t come through.
I would for sure talk with her and let her know where the money was intended to go. I would then say if we use the money for the brunch then we can’t have money to have a band or the cakes.