Post # 1
I just need some advice on what to do..here it goes.
My dad and his wife have offered to host a morning after brunch for our wedding. He just mentioned something briefly the other night at dinner. He then sent an email to myself and my Future Mother-In-Law saying that he wanted to host something at a nearby restaurant for the wedding party and immediate family. He was thinking about 50 people.
After my Future Mother-In-Law got the email she wrote back to my Fiance saying that she doesnt feel like this is appropriate (to only have bridal party and immediate fam) and thinks that something needs to be done for all out of town guests. Our wedding is about an hour from Atlanta meaning that EVERY guest is an Out of Town guest. She also mentioned that since our wedding is sort of in the middle of nowhere (nearest town is about 15 mins) there arent many restaurants to have it. She said that originally she was planning to do a brunch at their house for everyone. The problem with having it at their house (FILs that is) is that it wouldnt seem like my dad was hosting.
I dont really know how to approach the situation. I would like to be able to include everyone, but I dont want my dad to pay for something that he cant afford. I also think my dad wants to take on all planning of this and I want him to have that opportunity.
What is the typical etiquette for a morning after brunch aka who is supposed to be invited? Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated!!!
Post # 3
Typically a day after thing is for gift opening and wishing the new couple well – in that case it’s an immediate family and wedding party thing. If you’re only one hour out from Atlanta, it doesn’t seem like everyone is an OOT-er. We had our wedding 3.5 hours from home and people still drove back home the night of our wedding – we only had maybe 30 at our brunch. Personally, since you’re dad is the one hosting, I think he should decide on the guest list. If there’s still room for others after that, then include the OOTers.
Post # 4
We are having out of state people at ours – people who bought airfare in addition to everything else. People who live in state are in a different category. If we invited everyone who didn’t live in our city that would be the entire wedding minus 20 people!!!
Post # 5
Well the only people that live in Atlanta (so I guess the in town guests) are his immediate family and one of his groomsmen!! SO literally every person is an Out of Town guest. We live in Virginia and the majority of people would be flying in or if they are driving its a 10+ hour drive.
Post # 6
Im bumping this in hopes that I can get more responses!!!
Post # 7
I recently attending the wedding of some friends, and the location was a little over an hour from where we live, so we spent the night.
They had a brunch the next morning for their families, to which friends weren’t invited.
Was this a problem for me? Not at all!!! I see them relatively often, but getting all of that family together is special. If you can include everyone, awesome. If you can’t, awesome. You are drawing the line in a sensible place (family and wedding party) so I can’t really see feelings beig hurt.
Post # 8
thanks monitajb!!! I think Future Mother-In-Law thinks its a really big deal if ALL Out of Town guests arent invited whereas Im in the boat that my dad should invite who he can afford to pay for. Of course it would be wonderful to have everyone there, but it can get very expensive.
Post # 9
We are planning on having a day-after “picnic” with hampers catered by a lovely down-home caterer (different from the classy one we are using for the wedding.) Fried chicken and lemonade, that sort of thing. In Georgia in the summer I realize this may not be extremely practical, but it is something to consider. We found someone working out of their home who is extremely reasonable. For the price of 50 people in a restaurant, you could probably get someone to make 100 people’s worth of picnic, or maybe more! Just a thought, and if you could find a park or something your dad could still be the host.
Post # 10
@Mthdgirl…I love that idea!! Yes it will be HOT in GA in the summer but actualaly there is a pavilion near the marina that we were originally going to get married at. Its a covered pavilion with picnic tables so this would be perfect! Thank you so much for that idea!!
Post # 11
We’re keeping ours small. Just his immediate family and my immediate family. I don’t want it to be stressful and/or Wedding Part 2 . I just want to relax with our families.
Post # 12
I’m going to agree with PPs & say that whomever is hosting the event should choose the guest list. Since your Future In-Laws didn’t ask you or Fiance to host the day-after brunch, but YOUR father did, then I’d say he gets “dibs” on hosting it, & host, it’s his call.
In our case, Future In-Laws offered to host the day-after (we call it the send-off) brunch, so they get to make the guest list…they decided that ANYONE invited to the wedding (who decides to stick around in the area for the next day) is invited. We’re adding it to the wedding weekend itinerary & asking guests to RSVP on our website by a given date (maybe 3 weeks before?) so Future In-Laws can get a final count. I know that my parents couldn’t afford that kind of flexibility in the number of guests, but since Future In-Laws asked to host, they’re footing the entire bill, so it all works out. HTH!
Post # 13
I agree that you should give your dad the opportunity to host a brunch for you and if it were for all guests and at your FMIL’s home, then he wouldn’t really be hosting.
It sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law (like my mom) wants to be hospitabal and try to spend as much time as possible with out of town guests that may be attending. Understandable, but that doesn’t mean your dad shouldn’t be able to do his brunch. Another wedding I was in had this same dilema. The mother in law who wanted to see all of her family and friends that were coming in hosted a brunch on the morning of the wedding. It actually worked out pretty well except for the fact that the bride and groom were not there. Well maybe the groom did go, I forget. Anyways, the mother in law and the grooms side didnt’ really have much going on the Saturday morning of the wedding so it was a great time for all of their friends and family to get together. Then they had an immedate family and wedding party brunch the next morning.