Post # 1
I’m so frustrated that I can’t even think straight so I’m hoping someone can either tell me I’m being unreasonable or affirm my feelings as logical. We are having a small wedding and due to job situations will not be able to go on a honeymoon. Due to my fiance’s family coming in from out of town, we are going to try to go away the following weekend for a long weekend after they leave. Fi has been talking about wanting to go fishing with his dad and brother, etc and because half of his bridal party is out of state he is having his bachelor party the Friday morning/early afternoon before the wedding (they are chartering a boat and going fishing). I’m completely fine with this. His family will be staying with us that week as well as a few days after the wedding. We were talking about the day after the wedding (Sunday) and I mentioned maybe inviting those that are in the area for a casual late brunch or lunch at our place once we get home. He informs me that he’s planning to go fishing that day with his family…Uh what? That means *IF* we stay in a hotel for our wedding night, which is my preference since his family and my son will be at our house, he’ll have to be up and out by 6am to get to the lake to fish. That also means I’ll be heading home to spend the day with my new mother in law and the other female family members. I told him that I was not happy with that idea and suggested that they plan to fish on Monday so that we could enjoy our first day as husband and wife. I’m not expecting to be alone all day, but I’d prefer not to have to be up and out of the hotel at 6am after an evening reception to go home and visit with his family while he goes off to fish all day. He flipped…he immediately started in that we have the rest of our lives together and he doesn’t get this type of chance with his dad and brother, etc. He’s not accusing me of being selfish. He has been out to see his family (they live out West) twice in the past three years, his dad and step mom were here last year, and now we’ll get to see them for the wedding too…so it’s not like he will never see them again and I don’t understand why they can’t go fishing on Monday. Am I being unreasonable? He hung up on me and we haven’t talked since.
Post # 3
@MoopersMom: Wow!!!! Ummmin my mind there is no way that a husband should go out with his boys or family and leave his wife behind that day after their wedding. Actually I feel like a full day to yourselves would be better. Honestly what is his thinking? I don’t understand his logic. Isn’t the day before the wedding good enough?
Post # 4
@MoopersMom: I’m sorry 🙁 maybe he doesn’t realize he’s being rude or hurtful. It does seem weird that he wasn’t to be up at the crack of dawn after the wedding to fish instead of spending some time together. Just calmly explain to him why and ask him again to go momdsh, I think you have the right idea with that. He can still see his family and fish just not run off first thing on you first day being married.
Post # 5
@MoopersMom: I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. Perhaps a compromise? Could you suggest he go fishing in the afternoon instead?
Post # 6
@MoopersMom: I would also be upset. I think you need to be able to talk about this like adults together.
My fiance initially wanted to stay up the whole night of the wedding out with friends, whereas I wanted to compromise and head in around 1am because I know myself and get exhausted. He initially did not understand why we should maybe try to go to bed together our first night as man and wife. Sometimes guys just don’t think things through all the way.
I’d let him cool down, but I think you’re being more than reasonable, especially since he will have already gone fishing once that weekend.
Post # 7
@MoopersMom: I can see how you’re feeling frustrated. That being said, my husband got up the morning after our wedding and went straight to work. I went and had breakfast in the hotel lobby with some of our guests then went and cleaned up the reception hall. We made up for not spending the day together later that night 😉 Try to cut him some slack.
Post # 8
@MoopersMom: I’d be really upset that he doesnt want to spend the day together with you AND his family. If the people he wants to spend time with on that specific trip are leaving Monday and are unable to go fishing with him on the Friday, I could MAYBE understand, but I would try to get him to go in the afternoon at least so you dont have get up at 6 am or wake up ALONE the next day. That would feel terrible! Is there no other day he can do it? Why is he against going on the monday, and why did he get SO upset about you saying no that he hung up? I dont think Fi has ever been mad enough to hang up on me and we’ve had some pretty big knock-em-down-drag-em-out fights before.
Post # 9
@s2bmrscook: If he was getting up to go to work, I would completely understand. If his family was leaving that day I could also understand. We could spend Monday together but his family is not leaving until Tuesday and he goes back to work Tuesday morning (I’ll be taking them to the airport.) He will NOT fish in the afternoon, he’s always an early morning fisher.
I have agreed to having a houseful of company the week before the wedding despite my concerns that it’ll be very stressful for me. I have been willing to do the remaining wedding errands and details the Friday before our wedding so that he could have his fishing charter bachelor party with his dad and brother and cousin in attendance. I thought I was being pretty reasonable and accommodating. I will not be ok with this and I’m extremely hurt that it would even cross his mind as being acceptable.
Post # 10
@MoopersMom: Well…..and correct me if I’m wrong on this one….but fishing is only good in the early morning, right? So what if, you booked another night in the hotel, your husband gets up, goes fishing, does all that…and you treat yourself to a day in a local spa, maybe a luncheon with your new family and the two of you meet up for a romantic dinner and another night in?
Post # 11
@MoopersMom: I would be hurt too. I think your feelings are valid. Hope you can come to a compromise!
Post # 12
First of all, this sounds like something my FI would say, without really thinking about how it may affect me. I understand where both of you are coming from. FI’s family all lives in Boston, and we are in California, so obviously he never sees them. We have compromised that we can spend Sunday with his family and do whatever he wants, but it has to be something that we can do together.I think that you should both compromise on this one.
Post # 13
@MoopersMom: As someone who is married to a a mighty fisherman, we did actually discuss this before the wedding, lol. I can see where you would be hurt, but I think a compromise would help. It doesn’t sound like he gets to see his dad and brother all that often honestly. I would go with @Nona99 suggestion as that sounds like a great idea 🙂
Post # 14
@MoopersMom: I wouldn’t be okay with that at all. He’s fishing Friday anyway. Actually, I wouldn’t be okay with playing hostess to his family the week of the wedding either and I would definitely get a hotetheir the wedding night. I would be okay with spending brunch with the family sometime on Sunday, but I would want some quality alone time with my new husband too. He’s being unreasonable.
Post # 15
There’s no reason your husband should leave you the day after your wedding! Talk to him and get him to come to an agreement with you (hopefully at least that you can all do an activity everyone enjoys, if privacy for the two of you is impossible) and once you’re unified, talk to his buddies together. Maybe they’re the ones pressuring him into it?
Post # 16
I don’t think I’d be very happy – not your first day as husband and wife. He needs to go on Friday AND Sunday?