- 8 years ago
- Wedding: May 2010
We got engaged last July and did not tell either family in advance. Mine didn’t care but his was upset that he didn’t consult with them first. Mainly it was his sister who said things like are you sure you want to marry her, I don’t think she’s right for you, etc. His sister is 30, still lives at home (has never moved out) and has never been in a serious relationship. Not the person to take life advice from.
From the beginning, we stressed that it would be a small wedding with immediate family and close friends only and that no children would be invited. And we are paying for it ourselves by choice. Apparently his mom was very upset that she wasn’t going to get to invite everyone especially all her friends whose children’s weddings she was invited to. She is so upset that months later she still refuses to visit us when his father has come to visit which is probably about once a month.
We mailed the invitations in April and as soon as they arrived he received a phone call from his grandmother (mom’s side – who has never warmed up to me) because we were inviting his aunt but not her young children. She asked us to reconsider (he told her no) and that we were putting a wedge between the family and we should expect not to get invited to future family gatherings. We see his grandmother and aunt only once a year and the rest of his extended family once in our 5 year relationship. We’re not missing much. A few weeks later his aunt emailed us to tell us she was not coming. Fine. His mom is upset over this, but more so that she has to deal with listening to her mom and sister complain to her.
This past Friday he gets a call from his grandmother trying to make him reconsider inviting his cousins again. He told her absolutely not, this is our wedding and we have made the decision not to invite them. I don’t remember how the conversation ended, but she was not happy obviously. Yesterday was the deadline to RSVP and we had not heard from her. He called her and she said she would call later this evening as she had not made up her mind yet. At this point, I don’t want her at the wedding and it will be impossible to avoid her due to how small our wedding is.
I have not seen his family with the exception of his father (who is on our side) since Thanksgiving. This being the only holiday we spend at their house, and the only holiday where his grandmother, aunt and cousins are also in attendance. After all this drama, I do not feel like spending my Thanksvgiving with them ever again. Am I justified in feeling this way? Do I suck it up and deal with it? We usually spend the whole weekend there (Wed.-Sun.) so maybe we would just go up for dinner.