Dealing with a fiancé working in politics- anyone else?

posted 3 years ago in Career
Post # 3
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We’ve lived a few hours apart the past 3 years and see each other most, but not all weekends. It’s tough, especially since we bought a house and only he lives there, but it’s not forever. He’s been rather depressed lately living at the house alone but we call everyday and visit when we can. You just have to make the best of it and find hobbies to fill your time. Four days a week is a lot better than most long distance people have it. November will be here before you know it and it’ll be over. Just enjoy all the time you do have together, it could be worse!

Post # 4
4742 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@SouthernBride1006:  While my DH is not in polictics, he does have a job that requires him traveling most of the year (usually internationally), is pretty stressfull, and he must constantly be connected. I definitely get how you feel – becuase my DH is usually gone for several months at a time and will fly home for a week here and there. Even when he is home he’s never “off”. Thankfully I have many friends who also have DH’s in the same profession and so I have people to complain to. 😉 

The best advice I can give, is just to know that’s it’s okay to be pissed off and irritated. That being said, I’m putting on my honesty cap. Most men don’t give a crap about wedding planning. I’m sure tons of bees will jump on here and say “not true, my FI is totally involved”. Good for you bees! Just remember, that is the exception, not the rule – and the bee is a very small slice out of the general population. Out of all my married friends, and my clients (I’m a wedding photographer) 95% of them who have men who are or were totally uninterested in wedding planning. So from that aspect, I would just move past that he isn’t helping with that. Find someone else who can help you or be your sounding board. 

As for the everyday life stuff, it’s just different for everyone. Because my DH travels so much, and has for so many years, I’m super independant. I’m used to not having anyone to help me with everyday stuff. I certainly don’t hesitate to ask a friend or even my dad (gotta love dads!) when I need help and it’s something I just can’t tackle myself. There are certainly times I’m frustraited – like how something around the house always breaks when DH isn’t home…lol. I try to remind myself that there are so many plus sids – the salary makes it worthwile, it’s what he LOVES to do (and wouldn’t be happy doing any other job), and provides us the opportunity to travel. 

So all that being said, like @MrsN14:  – find friends and a hobby. For years I would revolve my schedule around my DH’s – and drop everything based on when he was home or away. Finally, I realized that part of what was making me crazy and irritable was that I sort of let some of myself go (we’d been together since high school, so many many years) and was just on his time frame. Like you, I used to notice how he was constantly on the phone dealing with work – making calls, taking calls, etc.  Once I stopped catering to him, and focusing on myself and my hobby (which was running & working out) I was so so so much more relaxed and at ease with our life. A lot of that other crap didn’t bug me anymore, I had my own focus. 

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