Post # 1
My fiancé and I have less than three months to go until the wedding! All is well and everything is planned and organized… Except for my heart! I’ve searched and searched for articles on how to deal with this specific issue and haven’t found anything. And I think it’s because anyone going through the same stuff I am is too afraid it will “look bad” to speak out and ask for some help in dealing with it, because at the end of the day there could be worse things to go through. But it doesn’t make it any easier.
My FH and I met through work when we were both working in politics. I’ve since gotten out of politics (realized it’s not for me), but my FH is still in full swing. After leaving a great job in the state executive branch about month after we got engaged, he took a job on a statewide election campaign. That campaign was one of the closest in our state history and ended in a ridiculously close and way drawn out recount election, which wrapped up right before Christmas (The election was Nov 5).
That situation was tough in and of itself as campaigns are emotionally and physically draining. After it was over, he had several offers to stay here in the city we love, but finally decided to go on for another campaign that has him living in another city four days a week until this November (6 months after our wedding),
I am so proud of him and know this was the best opportunity he had, but it is taking a toll on me and our relationship. When he is gone I feel like I don’t have a partner with every day stuff and wedding planning and just stuff in general, and when he is home he is on his laptop or phone or taking calls from the campaign, even when we are out to dinner or out with friends.
He’s not leaving his job, and I’m not leaving him, but I feel like it’s taking such a toll and when I try to bring it up I end up getting too upset and emotional and botch any effort to try and move forward and make the situation better.
is there anyone out there that can help me get through this?
Post # 3
We’ve lived a few hours apart the past 3 years and see each other most, but not all weekends. It’s tough, especially since we bought a house and only he lives there, but it’s not forever. He’s been rather depressed lately living at the house alone but we call everyday and visit when we can. You just have to make the best of it and find hobbies to fill your time. Four days a week is a lot better than most long distance people have it. November will be here before you know it and it’ll be over. Just enjoy all the time you do have together, it could be worse!
Post # 4
@SouthernBride1006: While my DH is not in polictics, he does have a job that requires him traveling most of the year (usually internationally), is pretty stressfull, and he must constantly be connected. I definitely get how you feel – becuase my DH is usually gone for several months at a time and will fly home for a week here and there. Even when he is home he’s never “off”. Thankfully I have many friends who also have DH’s in the same profession and so I have people to complain to. 😉
The best advice I can give, is just to know that’s it’s okay to be pissed off and irritated. That being said, I’m putting on my honesty cap. Most men don’t give a crap about wedding planning. I’m sure tons of bees will jump on here and say “not true, my FI is totally involved”. Good for you bees! Just remember, that is the exception, not the rule – and the bee is a very small slice out of the general population. Out of all my married friends, and my clients (I’m a wedding photographer) 95% of them who have men who are or were totally uninterested in wedding planning. So from that aspect, I would just move past that he isn’t helping with that. Find someone else who can help you or be your sounding board.
As for the everyday life stuff, it’s just different for everyone. Because my DH travels so much, and has for so many years, I’m super independant. I’m used to not having anyone to help me with everyday stuff. I certainly don’t hesitate to ask a friend or even my dad (gotta love dads!) when I need help and it’s something I just can’t tackle myself. There are certainly times I’m frustraited – like how something around the house always breaks when DH isn’t home…lol. I try to remind myself that there are so many plus sids – the salary makes it worthwile, it’s what he LOVES to do (and wouldn’t be happy doing any other job), and provides us the opportunity to travel.
So all that being said, like @MrsN14: – find friends and a hobby. For years I would revolve my schedule around my DH’s – and drop everything based on when he was home or away. Finally, I realized that part of what was making me crazy and irritable was that I sort of let some of myself go (we’d been together since high school, so many many years) and was just on his time frame. Like you, I used to notice how he was constantly on the phone dealing with work – making calls, taking calls, etc. Once I stopped catering to him, and focusing on myself and my hobby (which was running & working out) I was so so so much more relaxed and at ease with our life. A lot of that other crap didn’t bug me anymore, I had my own focus.