(Closed) Dealing with a flirty FH

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee

Every relationship is different, I would be a little bit uncomfortable personally. I would tell him in a calm manner when you are alone that these things make you uncomfortable, and that as his wife you would appreciate defining some  boundaries so that you are BOTH comfortable and happy. 

Post # 4
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Okay the specific friend situation is weird IMO. I honestly wouldn’t get jealous though if my guy spent one on one time with another girl because I know nothing is happening and well others can just gossip if they want. I would try and work out a compromise.

Post # 5
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh my husband, when he was my bf went to the movies with my best friends, who are ladies, without me a couple of times because I didn’t want to see it and they did.

Post # 6
Member
835 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

well, yeah, i agree… if he is trust worthy, yeah, i agree that he can have females friends…. but um, him going to places with chicks i have never met would make me uncomfortable. question is, ask him, if u were doing the exact same thing…how would he feel…simple as that.

Post # 8
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Use lots of “I” language: I feel hurt when this happens, I feel blahblahblah… which is always good advice.

Also, while I think you’re totally entitled to ask the things you’re asking, however I also think your husband is allowed to say “No” to all your requests.  If he says No, and you don’t accept his decision, I think that’s when the jealous and controlling stuff comes into play.  We can’t tell people how to act, we can only explain how their actiosn impact us and ask them to consider our feelings.  If they don’t want to, that’s their perogative.

Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

It sounds like you’re thinking very honestly about your own feelings, analyzing what may be bothering you and why, and giving him credit for what he’s doing “right.” And you’re also trying to understand his point of view and why he may flirt, spend time with female friends, etc…..

So I think you are perfectly entitled to share with him your thoughts, in a loving/non-jealous/nurturing way. And by the same token, I don’t think it is too much to ask for him to re-think some of his behaviors if it makes you feel uncomfortable or less loved (at a given point in time, not overall).

I also would think the flirtation stuff is made worse by the fact that he doesn’t wear a wedding ring, *especially* since you’ve offered to get his ring re-sized, and now it’s lost. I hate to sound cynical, but the wedding ring “hurts,” and is now lost? I also would be hurt that he hasn’t made sure to get the ring right, so he can wear it out loud for all the world to see. Combined with the fact that he hangs out with women you don’t know, while not wearing his wedding ring, I also would be concerned and would bring all this up to him in a way that you are not accusing, but that as a married man, there are some things you would like for him to do (or not do) out of respect and love for his wife, and not the least of which is wear his wedding ring, especially in the public company of women when you aren’t around—but really, at all times.

I’m sorry if my comments seem harsh. I’m just responding based on all the facts you included. I hope you’re able to get some peace of mind with your husband over this issue. Keep us posted!

Post # 10
Member
835 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

i agree with @nature girl….. there are some situations that its not about if he would or has cheated, it about how his actions make you feel. he is disrepecting you and what you think a marriage should be. i personally think its a team of two people that work with each other to compromise, meet in the middle, and certainly not get close to others of the opposite sex that might make the other feel uncomfortable. trust is not the issue. i am the most trust worthy human to ever walk the face of this earth(i mean not literally) and my FI trusts me so much he would bet a million bucks on my word, still never ever would i think he would wanna see me patting a guys head and going to dinner with a strange guy to a classy restuaraunt. or not wearing my engagement ring…. or flirting with some dude. the reason im with him is to do all those things with him, share all my thoughts and feelings with him, and how my day went. not some other dude he dont know. that will only cause the other guy to feel some kind of bond with me or grow closer to me and the only person i want getting closer to me is my FI. and ya know, a friendly dinner with one of his old friends is ok, every now and then. but it sounds like he makes this a regular habit with old friends and new ones…i would think he would wanna chat about whatever he is sharing with these others, with u. you should be his rock…. i mean it would bother me that there is a possiblity another girl who knows more about my fella than me. because he tells her. again, girlfriends here and there are ok, but sounds like its not just one or two, and not rare. even those little touches you say he gives away….. it would hurt me too. to me those delicate, “im here for you” touches are made for me… to me they say things each time,”ill catch you if you fall”, “you have the most beautiful hair i have ever seen”,”im glad i have you”,”man you butt is firm”….whatever i percieve from each touch, i would pray that he wouldnt wanna give those to another…. even if its not him sending the message, if the other person percived it. because he never ever knows what the reciever of those touches are thinking…. and its not jealousy. my FI is like…negative jealous, and he agrees and as do i, that those touches, and moments, and sweet times and sharing life’s stories are made for each other. that why im marrying him. not to give 30% of him away…and he says the same.

Post # 11
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

naturegirl hit the nail on the head. His behavior is inappropriate. (Especially with the girl in her wheelchair… patting her head sounds rather demeaning in addition to being disrespectful towards you!) The ring situation needs to change, for one. But more importantly, him going on “platonic” dates with women you’ve never met is inexcusable, IMO. It is one thing if he’s hanging out with long-standing female friends whom you know and are comfortable with. It’s quiet another for him to be creating and nurturing new “friendships” with other women. I’m sorry, but if he has time to be taking women out to lunch, etc., why isn’t he taking his loving wife? That is wrong, to me.

Post # 12
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t really like my DH being physically affectionate with someone who wasn’t me. Quick hugs and kisses on the cheek are *totally* fine but to be constantly touching a woman who isn’t his SO sounds odd to me…if I was an outsider I’d probably assume they were a couple and be quite surprised if it turned out his SO wasn’t the woman he was touching.

I know we can’t control people’s actions and if your SO says he doesn’t want to change his behaviour then there’s not much you can do except try to change your own reactions and mind set to cope better. But really, why can’t he change? It’s not like this is some strongly held belief and he’d be denying the very fibre of his morals to stop touching a woman’s head, if that’s what will make you, his wife, more comfortable. So I don’t really get it.

Post # 13
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I am weirded out by the whole “pet” thing; She’s a person, not an animal – I agree with the pp who mentioned that the head rubbing is demeaning.

In terms of his going out to lunch with women you never met, and without his wedding band, to me it would be a problem; I would be insulted if my fi didn’t wear his wedding band after we were married. 

To this statement: “Due to past stuff, we often have fights where I am insecure and he accuses me of being jealous.  He has never cheated on me and doesn’t hide anything from me.”

–I must say, he needs to stop the behavior which would cause someone to feel jealous!! Your ‘jealousy’ is completely normal given his behavior! His affection and attention should only be focused on one person at this point, and that is you.

Post # 14
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I can say your very brave. If you dont mind him hanging out with other girls to going out for dinners or whatever then your brave. I remember when my HB cougar friend from work invited him to the hockey game he didnt even blink twice before he said yes. Then dinner for a fancy meal.  I lose it, ok thats a date. I just wont allow it, doesnt mean he will.

The topic ‘Dealing with a flirty FH’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors