Post # 1
I’m all about punctuality. My fiance is not. He’s also forgetful. For example, tonight we’re supposed to be meeting with a travel agent about booking our honeymoon. I told my fiance last night that she was only there until 5 today. He was going to run some errands before we go see her. I just called him because he’s still not home (he had stuff to do at home before we see her) and. he. Forgot.
We were supposed to drive over together after getting stuff done around the house. Now, he’s going to meet me at the travel agent in an hour because he got too distracted at the f***ing hunting store. I’m glad we can still go, but it wouldn’t be happening if I didn’t call him to remind him of something I told him yesterday. He’s been like this with everything wedding related. I’ve given him one job – book the hotel block. It took a month for him to even call the place and they still haven’t sent our contract so I just had to remind him AGAIN to call. And that won’t get done until Monday because he works the next 3 days and today he’s too busy browsing at the hunting store.
I feel like I have NO help with this wedding! Please help me chill out so I can enjoy this part of planning. 🙁
Post # 3
I really don’t think they always get how far in advance these things need to be done. I’m struggling with the same thing. Can you just do it all yourself if he’s not that into the planning aspects?
What I’ve mostly been doing is giving him 2-3 options and saying “choose one” and that seems to work well for us.
Post # 4
@Moraz: He can’t even do one thing.
Oh, and the travel agent was in a meeting and couldn’t see us. He asked on the way back to the car what was wrong and I told him it felt like I had no help. His response was to yell at ME. In a parking lot. I felt humiliated.
Post # 5
Smart phone – calendar – alerts.
And geeze just pay attention dude lol
Post # 6
@newcitylights: Is he forgetful or just not interested?
My DH only had the wedding tasks that he cared about, ones that wouldn’t upset me if he couldn’t get it done. If he didn’t get his suit, oh well, he will just have to wear something from his closet. He didn’t get invitations to his coworkers, oh well, then they just won’t be there. (FWIW, he did get this stuff taken care of, but I didn’t stress about while he took his sweet time.) I took care of everything else and it worked really well for us. I quickly realized that things that SEEMED like they should be joint decisions, really weren’t. DH was really truly happy with whatever I chose and was so THANKFUL not to be involved in the decision-making. It made me feel good. When I was feeling overwhelmed with wedding stuff, instead of lashing out at him, I reminded myself that all the tasks I was involved in I choose to do, because it mattered to me. If it didn’t matter, it didn’t need to be done. I was ok with taking on the majority of the wedding stuff for this reason and also because I know my DH was doing a LOT of stuff to make our life together work as well as it does.
This article really helped frame my outlook about how I handled planning: http://offbeatbride.com/2010/03/partnership-imbalances
If your FI can’t get himself to the next honeymoon meeting, too bad. You book that thing and he doesn’t get to complain. If he can’t book the hotel block, you can either take it over himself, or don’t let it be your problem and he can deal with all hotel-related questions from guests when the time comes.
Post # 7
He is now refusing to speak to me about it and just left the house.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
@newcitylights: Wow how mature. Sorry you are dealing with this, but I would just start making the decisions myself. Warn him that without his help – it’s all you!
Post # 9
@newcitylights: Hmmm…Sounds like a bigger problem then forgetting one thing.
My FI hasn’t really done anything for our wedding, but he works 80 hours a week so I can’t really blame him. If it’s something he MUST do, I text him 3 or 4 times a day to remind him, then he usually is ok. I just had to call to remind him about getting our marriage license tomorrow.
Post # 10
@newcitylights: Wow what a man child. My FI is forgetful, but he has so much on his plate. I have to constantly remind him. It’s annoying. I feel your pain 🙁
Post # 11
Yep, real mature of him. He’s 32. I’m 24. Emotionally, he has the maturity of a 15 year-old. Mind you, he’s mad because I tried to have a calm discussion with him and he yelled at me for wanting things done “too early.” Sometimes he makes me think I’m crazy.
Post # 12
I totally feel you. FI forgets EVERYTHING. I have been reminding him about his car registration and smog test he has due for over a month and he always says he will get to it. Well, now it is overdue and he is paying more and struggling to get it done last minute. He is such a procrastinator and most of the time we end up getting penalized for it. It is so infuriatingly frustrating. I have realized that I can’t do anything about it.
Planning a wedding however is different because you can do something about it. Just do it yourself. I know it sucks and it seems like it should be a joint thing. I am actually wishing that my FI would butt out at this point.
If it makes you feel better, FI wants to plan the most random parts of our wedding. For example: our colors are forest green, gold, and ivory. FI wants to wear a gray suit with a purple tie. What. The. Fuck. Yeah, we actually got in an arugment over this and thank heavens his mother talked him out of that one.
Sometimes it is better for you to be in control and be responsible for everything. That way, you know it gets done and it gets done correctly.
After both of you cool down just set him down and tell him how you feel. Maybe planning the innocuous parts of the wedding isn’t a good task to saddle him with. Tell him you want him to be a part of the wedding planning with the matters that are of the utmost importence – the honeymoon is pretty important.
Maybe he is just getting nervous(not cold feet per se, but nerves in general). and like a PP said, men don’t even come close to realizing how long it takes to book things and how far in advance you have to do them. I swear, we are programmed for this kind of stuff. They simply are not and they just don’t care about it as much as we do. Fact of life.
Talk to him honestly and calmly about how you are feeling and bring up ways you think it could be fixed. 🙂
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
When’s your wedding? My experience is that men don’t really get how early everything needs to be done. My guy didn’t really step up until the last 6 weeks or so, but then kicked major ass.
On the forgetting: my husband is really forgetful about some things – anything non-professional, basically. He has ADD and truly struggles to remember details. What works for us is for me to take care of most of the things that involve remembering details / dates / etc (pay bills, vet visits, remembering plans with people, etc). And I gently remind him of some of the things he needs to remember. He, in turn, can’t get pissed about me “nagging” him, because these things would not happen if I didn’t remind him.
I hope you both can come up with a strategy to deal with it so that you don’t get so frustrated at his dropping the ball. That can be constant grounds for arguments and hurt feelings on both sides. Good luck!
Post # 15
Mine is the same way. Get him in the hunting store and his entire world stops spinning. FI wanted specific cake cutter and server so I gave him that task 6 months ago. Do I see those? Nope. Finally I told him no because he clearly can’t find and order things. I just quit giving him jobs, if he doesn’t like our wedding, too bad so sad should have helped me.
I would enlist your mom or bff in helping if you can. He clearly can’t be trusted in big decisions so I would just quit including him.
Post # 16
@newcitylights: They just don’t effing get it…and somehow it ends up being your fault. Vent away! I hear you loud and clear!