Post # 1
OK – I am certain this question has come up 1000 times, so sorry if this is repetitious.
I am a second-time bride.
I have two childhood “friends”. I am extremely close to one. I am not fond of the other. The three of us have done many things over the years. We all attended each other’s weddings.
The friend I am not fond of was vocally against my decision to get divorced (talked smack about me to my friends and still talks about it after 5 years) and has been equally vocal about not liking my fiance (though she has met him only twice).
I decided to invite the close friend and not invite the other woman. I am happy with my decision.
Question – Knowing that the uninvited “friend” will be extremely offended and probably will take me to task about it personally (yup – that’s the kind of person she is), how should I respond to her?
How would you respond?
Post # 3
Someone who talks “smack” about me shouldn’t be invited. they clearly don’t care enough about you to enjoy your day. DOn’t invite them.
Post # 4
if she asks you about it, tell her your feelings were very hurt and at this point her presence there would upset you. if you’re open to rebuilding the friendship, tell her that. honesty is probably the best policy. you could also tell your other friend this (in a kind way, using I statements…like: I decided not to invite x because I was really hurt when I heard the things she’d said about me, and because we’ve grown apart. If she asks you about it, you can tell her that).
Post # 5
@elivt: Elvit – that’s a great way to say this! Duhhhhhh. And I did tell my other friend just what you suggested..thanks!
Post # 6
Well, technically you’re only supposed to attend weddings when you’re supportive of the marriage and the couple. If she judges your prior divorce, she can’t truly be happy for you or support your marriage, so why would you assume she would want to come, right?
Post # 7
@KatyElle: Sigh…this is sadly very true.
Post # 8
I would def not have invited her either, and I hope she isn’t a “friend” since your divorce and you have even said you are not fond of her so why would you think of inviting her? She was non supportive in your divorce, talked smack, etc… Not a friend or someone I would want to be associated with let alone someone I would invite to my wedding.
Post # 9
I would tell her that you have a problem with her talking smack about you and your ex husband getting a divorce… and now she has gone as far as to talk smack about your new FI. Tell her she doesn’t deserve to go to a wedding uniting two people that she doesn’t respect and/or like. If she has a problem with it too bad. She is the one being disrespectful, not you.
Post # 10
if she is the type to confront you directly then you should be completely straight and honest with her. Tell her calmly that she has been blatently unsupportive in any way of the choices you made in your own life and therefore your sure that she has not in any way interested in celebrating them either. at least thats my 2bits
Post # 11
Like momma always said “someone who treats you like trash is not really a “friend”
To this friend i would say “Ciao baby!” and walk away. If she is truly a friend she will come back, apologize for her behavior, tell you it’s YOUR life and GET OVER IT. If not, well, then thats not really a friend.