- 3 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
Ok, I’m exaggerating…he’s not a Groomzilla, but I do feel like he’s getting his way on EVERYTHING important.
Issue #1: The Venue
We both want (wanted?) to get married at his family’s beach property in Rhode Island before we got engaged. It’s a beautiful spot and we both love the idea of getting married somewhere that we will return to again and again.
Now that we’re actually engaged and getting into the nitty gritty details of planning, though, I’m realizing how much work is going to have to get done. It all came to a point where it seemed really daunting and overwhelming.
I brought up these concerns with FI and he understands, but seems to think everything is manageable. And he has helped a bit with researching parking and bathrooms and some other stuff, which is great, BUT he’s in law school and he doesn’t have a ton of time. I know that I am going to end up doing the vast majority of the work.
The PROBLEM is that he is super unwilling to even LOOK at other venues. Every single time I send him information on a place that looks nice and is in our budget, he finds a problem with it. I know he really, really wants to get married at his family’s beach house, but I feel like he isn’t being fair. He isn’t even considering anything else. Of course, I’ve told him this, but he just denies it – he claims the minor issues he’s found with every other venue are dealbreakers for him.
At this point, I’ve just kind of given up.
Issue #2: The Ceremony
I posted about this awhile ago. FI is Jewish; I’m not. I was raised Catholic, but would consider myself agnostic. FI had a Bar Mitzvah and everything, but has only been to temple a handful of times since then. He’s told me he doesn’t really believe in God – he’s definitely NOT religious.
After we got engaged, his mom brought up having a Jewish ceremony – I was a bit caught off guard said we didn’t want a religious ceremony (assuming FI and I were on the same page). She proceeded to tell me all about the traditions she wanted us to incorporate. Later, FI told me it was important to him to have a Jewish ceremony. WHAT!???!! He didn’t even KNOW about the traditions his mom was telling us about beforehand (breaking the glass, having a chuppah, etc.).
We talked about it and I compromised with him – I told him I would be OK with having a chuppah and singing a ketubah. I felt that was fair as it would still incorporate his traditions but wouldn’t be overtly religious (and though I’m not religious, I DO have many religious relatives, all of whom I think would be a little bit confused/uncomfortable with a Jewish ceremony). Over Thanksigiving, this whole issue was brought up again and he didn’t back me up. He didn’t say anything.
I just feel like two of the most IMPORTANT things (the ceremony being THE most important part) in our wedding are things he’s refusing to compromise on. He can be stubborn about stuff, I know that, but I really didn’t think he would be so unwilling to see my side about wedding-related stuff. I feel like I (being the non-confrontational person that I am) will end up compromising on both our venue and our ceremony and will end up stressed beyond belief and having a ceremony that isn’t meaningful to me.
Any advice on how to deal with a stubborn groom?! Sorry this was so LONG – sometimes I write so much without even realizing it.