(Closed) Dealing with being a motherless bride…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Oh honey, big hugs to you! My mom has Alzheimers and was not able to do any wedding stuff with me, or even travel to be there, and my dad is deceased. Sometimes I would get so sad, and I missed the “oh mommy” moment so much when I dress shopped. I don’t have any advice, just want you to know its ok to be happy *and* sad sometimes planning in this situation. I wish you every joy in your wedding and marriage!

Post # 4
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

:hugs:  I SO feel your pain. My mom passed away four years ago and I miss her so very much, especially now that Im planning my wedding. It wasnt suppose to be this way. I took my sister with me to go shopping and while it helped, it wasnt the same. Just know that your mom IS there with you and is so very proud of you. Please feel free to message me if you need to talk, I’m here for you!

Post # 5
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@BrewCityBRIDE2014:  I am so sorry about your mom.  My mon died 7 years ago, and it is so hard sometimes.  I too have just come to the realization that she won’t be here to help me plan, and that she won’t see me finally get married.  I don’t cry as much as I used too, but I do tear up thinking about her not being here for special events.  When you go shopping just know that mom is there with you in your heart.  She will always be there.

I hope you are feeling better about this soon.  HUGS

 

Post # 6
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

I am so sorry for your loss 🙁 

 

My mother passed away after a battle with cancer and she was never able to meet my now husband. I would be lying if i said it was easy to not have her for the planning, the dress shopping, the bridal shower and everything else involved. Its okay to get upset, its okay to cry at a dress fitting. Its helpful that youve begun to prepare for it (for me, expecting to be upset made a world of difference; it made me handle my emotions better and made the actual moments sting a little bit less). I also found little ways to incorporate her into my special day: I had a pendant with her photo engraved in my bouquet and I wore her jewelry. 

 

Enjoy the planning as much as you can and know that somewhere, somehow, she’s very excited for you and wishes you nothing but happiness 🙂 

Post # 7
Member
3141 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am so sorry that you will be going through this awasting felt the pain of planning my wedding without my mom, or my dad. I lost both of them to cancer. I will tell you though when I found the dress of my dreams I did feel a presence, wishing my mom wwas there to see me in it… My heart raced and somehow I knew she helped me choose the one 

 

HUGS!!!! 

Post # 8
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Hey, I am in a similar boat as you. My mum was killed in a car accident a few years ago and im not very close to my dad. I have cried over the thought of not having my mum there on the day and also not there to talk to about wedding nerves etc. It’s hard but don’t think she wont be there. I know wherever my mum is, she’ll be looking down on me and i am playing our song at the ceremony to make sure she knows i am thinking about her. We will also set of some chinese lanterns,  It sounds crazy but maybe sometimes when you’re alone, talk out loud to her, people around you may think youre nuts but in a way it helps.  xx

Post # 9
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

As a motherless bride, I’ve been moved in talking/reading about others and how all our experiences share similar struggles. Last year, I publish this book/ creative journal to help others who are struggling through the grief that wedding planning can bring up. My hope is that you find the journal to be uplifting, inspirational and above all a comforting guide during this sacred celebration.

http://www.amazon.com/Motherless-Brides-Journal-Entering-Marriage/dp/0615845479/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1409369072&sr=8-1&keywords=shelley+enarson

Post # 9
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I was married in 2010 and planned it all alone as my mother passed away when I was 11.

It was hard, and it was difficult not to be upset or jealous of other brides who have their mums around. 

Now I think about having children, and not having my mum to offer me advice, support me, be a nanna.. It’s heartbreaking, but makes me thankful for the people I do have.

All the best for your wedding, I’m sure your mum will be there in spirit. 

Post # 10
Member
5411 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m a parentless/ familyless (i made that up) bride. I lost my mom 3 weeks before I turned 12 and my dad the day after I turned 16. I’m also an only child. It was me and my grandfather and we were each other’s WORLD!! Today has been 2 weeks since I’ve been engaged and tomorrow will be 2 weeks since my grandfather passed away. We haven’t even been able to celebrate our engagement. It has been such a rough 10 years. My FI’s mom has also passed away 5.5 years ago so we have 1 biological parent between the two of us. He mom died 2 months before we met. I wish our parents could have met one another. I knew pawpaw was dying and I actually bought my wedding dress in April and had pictures made with him so I will always have those pics and he got to see me in my dress. 

We decided before we got engaged that we would not have a wedding because it would be sad planning and realizing who wasn’t there with us. It was hard not calling my parents to tell them I’m engaged (I didn’t get to tell my grandpa either because I was waiting to do it in person and I found out he passed away when I landed) but I know they were looking down. My FI proposed while we were on vacation in Hawaii and that’s where my parents went on their honeymoon. It happened on Diamond Head and my parents have sooooo many pics of Diamond Head from their honeymoon so that’s why he did it there and I felt like my parents were right there with us. 

I know that the upcoming years will only get worst because I have college graduation, getting married, having kids and so forth. But like a PP, it makes me thankful for my FI and the family I will now be joining. 

I hope that you can find some comfort in knowing that your mom will be there with you and will be so happy for you! 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  ksn1219. Reason: ETA: Just noticed this post was from 2 years ago
Post # 11
Member
560 posts
Busy bee

Oh Dear, I had a good cry now. My mom passed away when I was 18, it’s been 16 years. I never wanted to get married so early on I didn’t think of her not being there for my wedding or children. The fact that she wasn’t there in its entirety was a huge thing for me and I spent years hating the world and everything in it! Then finally I found peace and realized I didn’t die, although many times I wanted too, she would have wanted me to be happy not bitter and so the healing process started. Just as I thought all is coming full circle I meet the half of me that was missing. He is my best friend, my everything and so for the first time in my life marriage and children became an option. It struck me like a ton of bricks; my mom will not be there for anything – nothing, not the ring, dress, the day of or days and months after, children and all that comes with family and life. I cried, and then decided that instead of being sad about something I can’t change I’ll be happy about the things I have control of and so I am off on the healing path again.

We have decided to elope, for me it is because I can’t have my mom there so instead of being sad we will just do it differently. I am going to make my own dress; my mom taught me to sew when I was very young (made my first dress when I was 7), am going to wear a string of pearls she left me and if I can her veil. Unfortunately her wedding dress is sooooooooooooo small there is no way I will be able to fit in it, we have different builds. She was almost 6ft and skinny, and I am 5.5 and not skinny, she was 21 and I will be 35/6. Even if I became anorexic, my bones are wider than she was. Anyway, I think incorporating things your mom taught you, gave you and left behind, will honor her and will give a bit of comfort.

Cry it is healthy, washes the heart clean! But stop quickly and smile afterwards! Best of luck and lots of blessings!

Post # 12
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

My mum gave me and my brother up when I was 12, so a different situation. It always kills me a little inside knowing that when big events like this roll around I have to do it without her because she wont even come, let alone assist in planning.

I think you have to try to remember that she’s still with you in spirit, think about how much she would have enjoyed the process and seeing you go through this wonderful time. I’m sure, when you try on dresses, it’ll be hard that shes not with you, but in your heart she’ll be there and you’ll make your decision knowing that your mum would have loved it too. There are so many ways you can honour your Mum during your actual wedding when the time comes, but for now, I’d allow yourself to cry and feel sad. And tell the people around you that your sad she’s not here, and allow them to cuddle you and share their love for you.

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