Post # 1
I need some opinions on how to deal with my family for our ceremony. The ceremony will only include FI’s and my immediate family members and grandparents. My family complicates this in that my mom and dad are divorced, each with SI. My mom and stepdad have a four year old (my half brother)and my dad’s fiance has three children aged 2 to 12. The issue here is that I really don’t want to invite my dad’s fiance’s children (really her either, but I know that won’t fly). I can’t say its because we are having only adults because of my litttle brother and the fact that we will have a 6 mo. old niece or nephew in attendance too. These children are complete monsters! I know that they will not cooperate because they are so much trouble all the time. Plus we specifically chose to only have immediate family because we wanted the ceremony portion of our day to be a special and mostly private event.It may sound harsh, but these kids aren’t my family. I have had 8 (!) "step" siblings over the past 12 years and well, just because my dad is with their mom doesn’t automatically make them or her my family.I love my stepdad and stepgrandpa, so its not all step-relatives…
I already don’t have a particularly good relationship with my father and haven’t most my life, but I do want him there. However I am sort of tired of only doing things so as not to "rock the boat". There will only be about 20 other people. Do I invite them?
They will be included in the large reception to follow…
Post # 3
Do your dad’s fiancee’s children live with them? If so, I think it’s going to be hard to invite just your dad and his fiance but not the kids. But it never hurts to ask–if you come with offers of babysitters in hand.
Also, how realistic is your dad about these kids’ behavior? Does he know that they are monsters? Or will he get offended if you suggest they not bring the terror-children? If it comes to it, you’ll have to ask yourself, which is worse—monster kids, or no dad?
I know this must be really tough. Good luck figuring it all out.
Post # 4
You could make the ceremony no children and have someone(s) on sitter duty where they’ll be out of sight (and sound) other people invited that have children would have to use this option too but it might be the best solution. No one has to find their own sitter, everyone is happy. (hopefully)
Post # 5
My dad and his fiance know they are terror children (admit to it ALL the time), but would be offended anyway. Its sort of that, I-think-my-children-are-the-greatest-even-if-they-are-monsters-and-so-should-everyone-else. I am considering making it a no kid ceremony and hope no one is hurt since kids will be invited to reception, but I have a feeling it will really hurt my mom’s feelings if my little brother (who will be 5) isn’t invited. But, I don’t think my future sil would be hurt since our niece or nephew will only be 6 mos. at the time.
I still have time to decide, but I am really not sure what to do. Thanks for the input.
Post # 6
I think it matters how important it is to you. If it really matters, here’s what I think. Your little brother is actually your half-brother – you are related to him, whereas you are not related to your soon-to-be step siblings. I would make it no children outside of immediate family. Either that or give your little half-brother a special role. Could you ask him to be your "ring bearer"? I would tell your Dad and his fiance that while you love them and your little stepsiblings-to-be, and respect your Dad and Mom’s marital decisions, for your wedding day, what you would like is to have just your immediate family.
Remind them this isn’t about hurting them, that your decision is based on what is important to you for your wedding ceremony, and that this is the only ceremony you’ll ever have. You didn’t choose your parents marital situation, and yet you have to live with it everyday. However, on this occasion – only one day – you would appreciate if they could put their marital choices on the back burner and just let you have what you want. Tell them you really appreciate it.
To think about this differently, I would point out that you’re not obligated to love and be filial with your stepsiblings. If you do that’s nice, but if you don’t, it isn’t something that should be imposed upon you.
Post # 7
I would explain to your father and his Fiance that you are not having any other children other than your little brother because he is immediate family. They can’t argue with the fact that he is an actual blood relative (even if only by half) and her children are not. No one ever really wants to cause problems for themselves or "rock the boat" but this is your wedding and I guess it comes down to how you think this will affect your relationship with all of them after the wedding and of course, how much you care if it does.
Inviting them to the big reception after will actually work in your favor I think b/c it will show them that you aren’t trying to exclude anyone and you did plan on celebrating with them…just after the ceremony.