Post # 1
As I’ve mentioned before in previous posts, my sister has borderline personality disorder. I’m looking for some support from any bees who has a loved one with this illness or mental illness in general where manipulation and insults play a large role. Today she tried to manipulate me in feeling bad for something out of my control. I very calmly told her that I’m sorry she feels the way that she does and that it was not my intention. It was great in a sense that it did not further the argument or perpetuate a fight which has often happened in the past.
But… I am having a difficult time not letting those comments, manipulations and insults bother me. I educate myself on the disorder and mental health illnesses in general and try to tell myself that she doesn’t mean it. But I can’t help but let it tear my self esteem down and feel like a victim. My head is telling me all of the rational things, but truthfully, my heart hurts. Any experience with borderline personality disorder or mental health illnesses in general would be very helpful! Have you been able to alleviate those feelings of guilt and hurt from what the person was saying? If so, HOW! It’s so tough.
Post # 2
Setting boundaries and not taking blame was the best thing you could have done for your sister. She likely can’t set those healthy boundaries herself. Also, you know how it is with borderline, you are either all good or all bad to her. She cannot see you as a good person who is saying something she doesn’t like, only a good person or a bad person. She can’t serparate you from your actions, whether she views them as positive or negative. It may be tempting to coddle or give in, but being firm, although still loving, is what she really needs.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this, OP. Boundaries are key, but I’m sure its hard to do with a sibling. I have a friend with BPD, and I really had to distance myself from her – that’s helped the most. Don’t take anything she says personally, although I know its easier said than done!
Post # 4
krrmee5: Oh lord, I have a sister with Borderline, so TRUST ME, I know. How do I deal? I limit the contact I have with her and block her phone number entirely when she goes off the deep end. I have learned that the only way to deal with her and still maintain a healthy relationship with myself is to limit contact. I don’t let my sister near my FI for fear she will try to manipulate our relationship or hurt me. My sis is so manipulative when she is in full swing- she imagines people doing things when they aren’t; makes up stories to suit her endgame; categorizes people as saints and demons- complete strangers that she doesn’t even know; and spins these elaborate stories of the lives of people she hardly knows. She is in a constant state of crisis. It’s exhausting, but I have been dealing with this for over 10 years.
I have come to terms with the fact that I will never have a “normal” or healthy relationship with my sis. It’s sad, but honestly when she is off her meds, I can’t get away from her fast enough. What makes it harder is that she refuses to seek consistent treatment. I can’t help her if she doesn’t want it. That also means she can’t be in my life.
Post # 5
I had a friend with bpd and I had to end the friendship. I was so hard with the lies and manipulation and cruelty. I also didn’t like being drawn into her lies against her husband due to her infidelities. I know that’s part of the illness,but I didn’t like the bad feeling it gave me to be a part of her lies.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I have to say it’s hard not to find yourself personally hurt sometimes, you’re only human. Just do your best with boundaries and give yourself space when you need it.
Post # 6
baileyjosephine: Thank you for the support. <3 It isn’t easy. <br /><br />
Tinatiny1: Thank you. It feels so nice to come on here and be understood. I really appreciate it.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - backyard in the woods
My baby brother is bipolar-schizophrenic. No advice here, but you’re not alone. It’s hard loving someone with severe mental illness.
Post # 8
my mom is bipolar with borderline personality disorder. she doesnt get any type of treatment for it, so i’ve never been taught the proper ways to deal with it. i just love her as she is, on her good and bad days.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I don’t know if there is a spectrum of BPD but I swear my sister has some of it. I find that spending limited amount of time at once helps… We have a great time together, but when we spend full days together and/or she gets tired, those traits start to come out. I’ve also had to learn over many years not to dwell on her totally whacked-out actions and words, that I can’t expect an apology or recognition as you would with someone else.
It sounds like you handled your situation in a great way. I definitely find that just being like “I disagree but I don’t want to argue about it” and then leaving the situation helps to diffuse things. Good luck…
Post # 10
My sister also has BPD and while hers doesn’t manifest with insults, she is very much victim mentality and feels as though everything anyone does is a personal slight against her, and everything that goes wrong in her life is because of someone else’s doing, not because of her own actions.
For me I’ve just had to accept that I won’t have that sisterly relationship with her and have had to distance myself from her. It’s incredibly frustrating, for instance, to be blamed for her not getting a job she wanted. Somehow in her mind not passing a drug test is my fault because I wouldn’t pee in a cup for her, not hers for doing the damn drugs in the first place. For my own mental health I just have to try and stay away from it.