Post # 1
We’ve sent out our invitations and my FI and I don’t want a bunch of random people at our wedding. Outside of our wedding party, unless we know the person someone is dating/ or they’ve been together a significant chunk of time we invited them alone.
Enter two of FI’s counsins. One is 54 and we were planning on inviting he and his girlfriend, who we know, they just broke up so I invited him alone. FI’s 25 year old second cousin who had a tendency to bring random bimbos to family events I also invited alone. I get an email from my FMIL saying 25-year-old’s dad wants to know if his son and brother can bring a date.
I want to say no. I mean that’s what the inviation means but I feel kind of backed in my conflicting family "rules" since both of our parents are paying for the wedding.
My parents, who are paying for the majority of the wedding, had pretty strong feelings on the plus one. My mom didn’t want to invite a stranger and not be able to invite a relative or a friend b/c my FI’s family is 75 people alone. So, none of my cousins (although they are younger) are bringing dates.
My FI’s parents wanted to invite some of my FI’s cousins that neither he nor them had ever even met. We put our foot down there. They never discussed dates for the single relatives and we made a decision. But I’m afraid of their reaction if I say no giving we got a lecutre from his dad when trying to cut the mystery cousins, "They’re family, they’re invited no questions about it."
Post # 3
I personally think it’s nice to be allowed to bring a date to a wedding (even if it’s one the bride and groom don’t know). But, that said, since you don’t want to have people you don’t know at the wedding, just tell him ‘no’.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2009 - Red Fish Grill
It sounds like a tough situation. I’d say, if all of the essential/close relatives and friends on both sides have been accounted for and you have the space, let them bring guests. (Sometimes you have to pick your battles, and this might be one to bend on.) You’ll want to make it clear, though, (in as nice a way as you can) that you’re sticking to your previously set guidelines for the rest of the guest list.
You might find it better for your mister’s younger cousin to be entertained by one of his "random bimbos" than to have him prowling around your single girlfriends. We ended up allowing a +1 for a friend just to avoid that very circumstance! We figured, at the end of the night, we wanted all of our guests to enjoy themselves. You can always strategically seat them in a certain area if you’re worried. :o)
Post # 5
if you didn’t want them to have a guest, you should say no. It’s rude for them to question it.
Post # 6
I can totally empathize bc FI and I have set a similar set of rules. Our budget just won’t allow us to have random people we’ve never met at our wedding, over friends that we had to put on the "maybe" list.
I would stick to my guns on this one because I know that personally, I’d feel resentful and annoyed one of these people show up with a random person–especially a bimbo! I always remind myself that regardless of who is paying for the wedding (FI and I, and som from our parents), WE are the ones getting married and this is the one day I should be allowed to invite/not invite whomever I want.
Post # 7
I gave in on this but am very bitter about it. I only did because FFIL decided to call my FI and flip out the day of my bachelorette party. I called him after I got done my spa day and was about to go out with all my girlfriends and my FI is devastated. He’s got father issues I’d say. I felt so manipulated but I couldn’t go out and have a good time knowing he was so upset. But now I’m so unbelievably bitter and afraid I set a very bad precedent with my FILs. Ugh. And now I don’t even want to see these cousins at the wedding. We didn’t even invite my entire family and they invited every relative with a date.