(Closed) Dealing with Difficult Family Members at Your (Hopeful) Future Wedding

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am in a situation where I have divorced parents who cannot even pass each other on the street without starting a fight. Because both sides of my family take issue with each other, and because of the behavior of my parents, I have opted to elope.

You aren’t under ay obligation to invite anyone to your wedding who you believe couldn’t cooperate. If you don’t want someone there, don’t invite them. It may add fuel to their fire — but do you really care? People who want problems will cause problems, and it seems like you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

If you feel you must have them there, I’d designate some people as “bouncers,” so if any drama gets started, they can be kindly escorted out.

Post # 4
Member
3423 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@KatertotATL:  I have a family situation that is serious. Maybe your SIL has Post-partem….that could be one thing…

I have seen many men turn on their families for women…It is very hurtful and does not look favorably on the people. I feel bad for your nephew for not having extended family to interact with, but in the end i find that if someone is causing great unrest…it is best not to deal with them…even if they are family. You will give yourself a heart attack if you take someone else’s crazyness on.

My advice is to take care of your mom and her needs, cause I know it must be doing some awful stuff to her. And for your wedding. DO WHATEVR YOU WANT! It is your (plural) wedding! Why are you going to invite people who are going to cause stress on the happiest day of your life. Send them an engagement announcement in the mail and not an invite. If your bro wants to come, he will reach out to you. If he tries to go through your mom, lay down the law that if he has something to say to you, to say it to your face.

Post # 5
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee

@elle_z:  I’m in the same boat- my SO’s stepmother took out a restraining order on his mother because she hates her that much. It’s ridiculous. My one SIL is also kind of a brat and, like the stepmother, requires the best of everything. As in, at my wedding, she’ll probably be wearing brand new Louboutins, a $1000 dress and diamonds, because the stepmother will insist that she has to have them, because she’s so beautiful and smart and talented. The other sister will be completely ignored, of course. 

Post # 7
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee

@KatertotATL:  my FMIL, has disliked me from the start, but has been nothing but nice to my face. Behind my back she has told SO that I dress too matronly, I’m fat, ugly, and just not right for him. I figured with time she’d warm up to me, but after her 60th Birthday (2 and a half years ago) she decided she never wanted to see any of SO’s girlfriends present or future in her house. SO says it’s nothing personal but I can’t help but be hurt by it. I haven’t seen her since, and she’s part of the reason why our engagement has been delayed. SO fears that once he pops the question to me, she will fly off the handle and disown him. I hope he’s wrong, but either way I’m sure there will be tension between the two women in his life. No matter what I’m taking the high road, my FMIL will be invited to our wedding. If she chooses not to be a part of the most important events in her son’s life then that is on her. I will be nothing but nice to her, as I always have been.

Post # 9
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@KatertotATL:  I have a slightly similar situation. There’s no marriage between the two hate-filled ones, and they’re both pretend nice a lot to my SO’s parents. But then they turn around and act like insane hooligans (and I mean hooligans in the worst way possible).

I got so upset, I told my SO, “When we get married, they are not allowed at our wedding!”

When that bridge comes, I’m going to have so much drama… not just from that side. SO’s parents always seem to just completely forget how horrible their other son can be and the terrible things he’s said about me! (And the absolutely criminally horrific things he’s done to his brother!!!)

I have no advice, I needed to vent a little bit, and let you know you are not at all alone…

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