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@sandiegosarah: Hmm, tough situation. How are your parents together, are they able to get along and be friendly? I think I would ask that they both not bring a date out of respect for you
My parents also divorced right before my wedding. I told them that they did not get a plus one. There was no messing around about it. No one complained about it at all. I figure that if they want to introduce you to the new person in their lives that is fine. Your wedding doesn't need to be the time to bring along a date so soon after a divorce.
I agree with the first poster, a lot of it has to do with how civil your parents can be together. I would not worry so much about the +1s being in pictures, well at least not formal pictures, because you have control over that. What is your general +1 policy for the wedding?
I'm not a 100% sure how they act around each other, but I'll find out at Christmas time since they are both attending the family Christmas. I will be looking at behaviors to note how far away they need to sit from each other.
I'm leaning towards the no plus ones. How did you tell them that it was both unquestionable but still considerate of their feelings?
@aardvark: I was planning on letting my single friends bring plus ones.
I would say that they are both a really big part of the day for you and you don't want any potential drama distracting from that.
I'd keep it as simple and polite as possible.
That being said, there is still a lot of time before the wedding. By the time it rolls around they may not want +1s at all.
Personally I would wait and see how things go at Chrismas before making your final call though.
I would be as honest with them as possible. Your feelings are totally acceptable and if you tell them exactly why you would rather they didn't I think that would be best.
I was SO happy that my parents divorced recently. That said, I do think that neither of yours should bring +1s.
My family is pretty straight forward so I didn't really need to say anything special. I just had a conversation with each of them and was straight forward about it. I said that being that this is the first major event after the divorce that I'm not comfortable with them bringing anyone. It wasn't a big deal at all. They understood. I also made sure to say it with a tone that wasn't me being rude or confrontational.
Thanks for the advice everyone. It will be a tough conversation but it does seem that the no +1 is way to go.
I understand your situation. My parents are also going through a divorce and were together for 30 years. I am not allowing them to bring guest because I don't want to feel awkward around either one of them at the wedding. Also, they don't speak to one another so that is enough to deal with. I suggest going with your feelings. If you don't think you can handle it then don't let them bring someone. They should respect your wishes.
My parents split up after being married for 31 years too. My dad had a live-in girlfriend after 2 months (yep, doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out...) I have yet to meet the gf and plan on avoiding it as long as I can. It was never even a question whether she was coming cause Dad knows I would have LOST it if he'd even asked.
However, my parents have not seen each other since the day dad walked out the door and they only communicate by email when absolutely necessary. I have no idea whether they can be civil with one another. In fact, Dad is considering not even coming to the wedding cause he doesn't want to deal with the uncomfortable and awkward day of seeing mom and her family. Fantastic! That's the way to mend an already strained relationship with your only daughter! (insert sarcasm font here)
Sorry...Went off on my own tangent there...
I say you sit both your parents down and (nicely) tell them that you don't think either of them bringing a +1 would be a good idea at this point. Hopefully, they're both adult enough to respect your wishes without too much of a fuss.
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I got the question I've been dreading since the ring went on my finger, "Can I bring a guest?" The back story to understand my dread is that my parents are going through a divorce after 31 years of marriage. The breakpoint was the reintroduction of my mother's highschool sweetheart and the resulting affair. To say that I'm still dealing with it is an understatement, but I am slowly dealing.
The twist is that my dad is one who asked to bring a guest. He has started dating someone after his adventures in online dating. I have not met this person so cannot render any opinion about her. But my first thought was the episode of How I Met Your Mother with the "Name that B*tch" sequence. I don't want to look back at my wedding pictures and see someone I don't know playing a part.
The second issue is that if my dad can bring a guest, how do I deny my mom to bring a guest? She is still seeing the guy who I (and my brothers) blame for breaking up our parents [obviously there is more to it and no one is blameless, but that doesn't discount the negative opinions of this man]. I cannot even imagine this man attending my wedding without someone saying or doing something.
What do I do?