Dealing with family drama one month before the wedding… UGH

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

Please don’t delete this. I want to read it in the morning. I read a little, but about to spend time with DH. Let me just say this: everyone, I mean EVERYONE, has a cross to bear.

Post # 3
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Contemporary Art Center of Peoria

I’m so so sorry. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling. I don’t know the right thing to say here, but I truly hope it gets better for you and your family finds peace. Your wedding day will be amazing, try to focus on the good. 

Post # 4
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Sweetie, I know it sucks having the mom that you have. I know that you don’t want anything negative around your wedding and you’d be well within your rights not to invite grandma or mom. I am so sorry about the loss of your grandpa. 

But

My first thought is that your grandmother feels like she let your mom down by not stepping in when your mom got into drugs. Parents can carry a lot of guilt about that. They are likely to do anything to protect their child even if that involves blowing up at their granddaughter because your grandmother does not want to risk losing your mother permanantly. So I think she’s in this enabling pattern in a desperate attempt to save her daughter’s life.

My paternal grandmother is very much like this. My bio dad’s been into hard core drugs since he was 15 and she will still pay for him to go to rehab, she’ll bail him out, she’ll blame ANYONE for causing “drama” around her precious baby boy.

You need to do whatever feels right to you. No one would argue with you if you decided not to invite mom or grandma (and if they did, they’d be guilting you) Do what’s best for your emotional health and lean on your soon to be husband.

Post # 6
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

If you want your stuff, go over to her house when you know she’s home and get it! And if she refuses, call the police right then&there, they will come and she will have no choice but to let you get your things.

Post # 7
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Omg you brought me to tears!!!!!  all I know is things will get better.. And if your family don’t want to be part of your special day don’t include them.. You seem to have turned out pretty damn good! It’s about you and him ! Don’t lose focused on what it’s all about you him and those vows.. for get the videos all that if it’s going to cause you drama.. Just use what you have .. Once you are all done and ready to send invited rethink about what’s important to you ! And if you truly want them there .. You don’t want to regret not having them there once thing blow over .. But you don’t want to regret inventing your mom and having her get drunk and act crazy .. At the end it’s you and you FI wedding and it’s your choice.. But just let that part of you go and concentrate on the positive .. 

Post # 8
Member
2620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

i read the whole post and offer BIG HUGS i dont know what to tell you other than toxic people need to be cut out of your life. you cant be happy when there is toxic  people around you.

Post # 10
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2014

MissPhish:  you know I had some drama too between my FI and maid of honor not seeing eye to eye and escalating stuff she us family so I was put on a horrible spot and my brother had been a little better but ovet all everything turn out great and the wedding it self brought them closer ! It’s a new begging for everyone .. It will all fall into place that I promise ! 

Post # 11
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Oh, I am so sorry.  I hope that you get your belongings tomorrow.  I would probably ask a police officer to accompany you.  I wish you all the best for your wedding day ~and your marriage.  Focus on that.  

Post # 13
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I hope they cooperate, but no matter what enjoy your day and your man.

Post # 14
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

We all come from somewhere.  Unfortunately we don’t have a choice in the matter.   Sounds like you have done pretty well for yourself.   Keep your sense of pride and remember you are strong enough to survive.  

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