- 2 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
So if you’ve read any of my stuff about family you know I have a lot of issues with my mom. She started doing drugs when I was young and when I was 14 she was arrested for dealing and transporting across the border. She went to prison for 7 1/2 years.
Once she got home she was not very willing to work on a relationship but I kept trying. Then she started drinking and abusing alcohol, then she got medical marijuana. I didn’t like it and told her but asked she just not do it in front of me because it reminded me of a lot of childhood trauma.
Recently I found out she is dealing drugs again. Probably just selling her medical marijuana but it’s still selling drugs, and I know her and it will likely lead to her selling harder drugs. Not to mention it just shows how she can’t just follow the rules and get by honestly like the rest of us.
Anyways, after finding this out and also her treating me very poorly on multiple occasions and her lack of interest in participating in wedding things I finally was done. She’s been a really awful mother my whole life and put herself, drugs, and money before me since I was a child. So I told her not to come.
Fast forward two weeks and my grandfather (her father) passed away. He and I were super close and I was very devastated. I had to see her at the funeral, and I was cordial. I went up and gave her a hug and said I was sorry and then sat with my aunts and my FI. Then graveside she was being really nasty to my father (her ex husband but remained close to my grandfather while my mother was in prison) and shooting him dirty looks and loudly announcing HER daughter (with emphasis on the fact that it was only her daughter) was burried in the cemetery. My dad looked really sad, and so was I. My sister likely died because my mother did drugs during her pregnancy. This has never been confirmed to me, but it has been insinutated by multiple people in my family and I’ve never pushed the subject because honestly I didn’t want to know. So anyways I left without saying goodbye.
I then realized she has all of our home movies of things with my grandfather and also a lot of my childhood toys. I called her and left her a voicemail asking if we could arrange me making copies of the tapes and picking up my stuff. She ignored me so I sent her a text, and then called once a day. I was never rude and was just very cordial.
Today my grandmother calls me and starts yelling at me that I need to leave my mother alone. I told her I was at work and we could talk later but she kept saying “NO RIGHT NOW” and then calling me by my full name. I had to hang up on her because my client’s family was about to overhear. I only answered because she never calls and I was worried something might be wrong (little did I know…). SO I tried to call her after and she texted me she wouldn’t talk to me. Told me I needed to back off my mother. I told her the situation was between my mother and I and asked her to back off. SHe said it was her business and that I was trying to RUIN MY MOTHERS LIFE. This is when I lost it. My mother has done so many awful things to me and my sister (taken us on drug deals, moved criminals into her home including an ex-murdered and a sex offender, and taken my sister to visit drug dealers in the country jail with her, and doing drugs in front of us, and hiding drugs in our bedrooms from the cops and on and on) and I couldn’t handle being made the feel bad for cutting her out of my life. I reminded my grandmother it was not her business and we should chat on the phone to resolve this and she said no she didn’t want any of my DRAMA! As if I’m the one who called her and got her involved.
I’m fuming. I don’t want her at my wedding. I didn’t deserve any of the awful things she said to me (there was more but I’m tired of typing). It just feels like such a huge blow emotionally to lose my mother and grandmother in this way and actually physically lose my grandfather (grandmother in questions ex husband) in such a short time. Furthermore to have my mother yet again chose drugs over me, and my grandmother chose my drug dealing mother over me makes me feel like a pretty worthless person. I just am so disappoined to have so much negativity around my wedding.
Also my grandmother is a gossip queen so lord knows what she will say about me to her siblings who are coming to the wedding….
I just need a little pick me up right now. FI is working late and I’m feeling pretty shitty nad my own grandmother won’t answer my calls to try to resolve this…