Post # 1
The ladies on the monthly POAS threads have already heard a lot of this, but I’m kind of having a tough time processing the feelings associated with having difficulty TTC.
I feel silly even saying that since we were only actively trying for ONE cycle, but when I went in to see my doctor on CD51 about kickstarting a new cycle, he basically told me that my pre-BCP history (over 10 years ago) and the experience I’ve had since going off in February would lead him to believe that I am either not ovulating or ovulating infrequently. I am on my fifth/last day of Provera and am waiting for AF to arrive so I can start taking Clomid on CD5.
I’m so disappointed that my body isn’t doing what it was MEANT to do and I just . . . don’t know why. I know that there’s really no answer to that so I guess what I really want to know is WHY ME? And again, I know there’s no answer to that either.
My husband has been so reassuring but I told him that if it were him, he’d probably feel the same way. And he said that if a doctor told him we could keep trying with a slim chance of conceiving or take a pill that would improve his virility, he’d take the pill no questions asked . . . and I would want him to. So why, when it’s me, do I feel like I want to hold out and wait to see if my body can figure it out on its own? We want a baby like YESTERDAY, so why am I so reluctant?
Has anyone else felt like this? Any advice on how to come to terms with it?
Post # 3
@daybyday: I am sorry you are feeling bad about things.. I can kind of relate. I am like you in that I have very irregular cycles. Sometimes AF doesnt show for up to 6 months. We just started TTC last month and I doubt I was successful. As I am typing this I am hoping that AF shows up some time soon (currently CD40), so that we can start to try again.
Fertility is so caught up in womens indentity and sense of self that its normal to feel upset that your body is not doing what it was “made” for.
I think you have to do whats right for you. If you are not comfortable with taking the meds so soon into TTC then I would stop. Any feelings you might have could get magnified in pregnancy and when the baby is here.
As for me, if I could get a doc to prescribe something, I would totally take it as I can’t wait. I went to my doc months ago and told her about my cycles and she wouldn’t listen at all and said to come back in a year if we dont fall pregant. Sounds like your doc is much more reactive which is pretty great.
Best of luck and I hope you feel better soon 🙂
Post # 4
I know exactly where you are coming from.
Granted I do now I have a problem, I have PCOS, but it hit me really hard when I didn’t ovulate on my first cycle of clomid. We had four months of trying naturally and four months with metformin and none of those annovulatory cycles really got me down. But when I got the call saying I didn’t “O” on clomid I was devestated.
Not only is my body not doing what it needs to do on its own but it is also not doing what it needs to do with help :-(.
I understand your reluctance to use the drugs but my logic is – the longer I wait to start with the meds, may just add on to my TTC journey as I will likely have to take the meds anyway.
I am on CD3 of my second cycle of clomid and I guess I am cautiously optimistic.
I wish you luck on your TTC journey and I hope you decide what is best for you.
Post # 5
@daybyday: I think we’ve all felt this way, and I still feel this way quite often. The key is patience. I can’t really speak on it, because I have NONE. But we just take it day by day (as your name suggests). Just keep faith in knowing that one day IT WILL HAPPEN. It may not be today, tomorrow, next week, or even next month. But, it will. And it may not be naturally, but heck, there’s so many women who can’t conceive without the help of others or meds, but that’s what they are there for, and there are so many who have conceived with that help. I too just like @FMM: am starting my second round of Clomid tonite. I would start talking to your doctor now about Clomid and the next steps after, just to get yourself familiar with the process and hopefully ease your mind. GL. ((Hugs))
Post # 6
Oh I am so in the same sucky boat as you! Ive also been diagnosed with PCOS same as PP, and my doctor says that I am probably not ovulating as much,if at all, too. Weve been TTC for over 2 years now and it stinks. Its only recently that I actually did go to my doctors to see what was up,and for me personally, it felt like I was admitting defeat. And when my doc agreed that further testing was needed to pin it all down to PCOS, it felt like my doc was agreeing with me about my failure.
I think there is so much pressure,in the media,TV shows,movies that portray couples as giving it one go,and hey presto!youre pregnant,and this in turn puts pressure on us. Why havemt we got pregnant the first time?why isnt everything working of its own accord? Theres emphasis on everything just being so natural,but it doesnt always work that way.Not for everyone.
And Ive done plenty of the questioning of myself,feeling like something is wrong with me and being angry at my own body for just not working right,dammit! And I feel terrible for putting my DH through it too, because he wants a child so much,even more than I do…maybe
Im still waiting to get the courage to go back to my docs and get started on treatment, because,like you, I so want everything to magically work on its own,even though I know that deep down,I am probably going to need a little medical push to get things going.
Your not alone thinking these things.