dealing with future in-laws and their guest list demand

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

Plan the wedding you can afford without relying on money from anyone.  That way, you won’t feel pressured to given in to their demands.  Set your budget and guest list and stick to it!

Post # 4
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee

Wow, that was really inappropriate of her to pull you aside like that!  It sounds like it’s not really a question of whether you should invite more family, but whether you can invite more.  You and your FI just need to lay things on the line – you do not have the money for all of his family and the budget will not change as it stands now.  Maybe they will contribute to the wedding knowing this information, but you should at least be open with them and curb their expectations.

Post # 6
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Usually rule of thumb is if the parents are paying then they get a say in guest list. However, if you are paying for the invites and venue and food you get a say in who is invited. I would just tell them you have a specific budget to work with (and any seating capacities if you have any).

Post # 7
Member
2047 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

ok so this is a lesson I learned fast…. FI and I are paying for our wedding ourselves and Im in the same position (my side would have a lot less to invite). His families list (if they had their way) would be like 300-400 ppl if they invited everyone they thought needed to be there.

I simply sat down with the ones who were insisting (in my case the IL’s, in your case the possible inlaws but also the family that pulled you aside) and say “Our budget is not flexible…the wedding we are having will cost a certain amount per person and we can’t afford anyone more then ____ people…if you personally think these people are so important to be there (because it doesnt matter to FI and I if they are) then you guys need to figure out some finances to compensate/contribute…. Im not having dominos pizza and Luckys beer in a parkinglot just so I can “afford” to invite all these extra people that are not on the bride and grooms list…. YOU GUYS FIGURE IT OUT moneywise or this discussion is over, END OF STORY”

You will see very fast just “how impt” those people are 😉 trust me

Ive had a lot of “requests” come my way that all I need to say is….sure… if you figure it out and pay for it, go ahead… “oh I guess its not THAT important…..”

 

 

Post # 8
Member
3476 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@amandasouthcarolina:  Have you FI reach out to them to tell that 1) they should approach both of you regarding any wedding issues and you are both very upset at both how and what was communicated to his FI (the bride), 2) you both invited initially only immediate family to the engagement party and later expanded to include your aunt and uncle but not the brides, so in fact it was a completely unjustified and uncalled for comment, and 3) you are planning the wedding you can afford, which regretably may not include everyone you would like to attend.

Post # 9
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I had the same issue. It came down to… We are inviting 60 people. we each get 30 seats, 4 seats each are us and the bridal party… then our parents and siblings.  We each had about 20 seats each to fill……if his parents want to fight with him about who goes in those 20 seats they can have at it lol

Post # 10
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

oops

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