Post # 1
ugh. so yesterday my fiance and i had our engagement party. i invited my siblings and their families (i have three siblings that are married with children, so it may have seemed like i had invited more family???) and he invited his parents, brother and his family, and two pairs of aunts and uncles because they made me feel guilty when i announced that my mom and sister were throwing the party that i wasn’t inviting enough of his family. my fiance has 12 aunts and uncles? maybe more? plus they all have kids with kids. his family is HUGE. and yesterday they pulled me over at the party and told me that it wouldn’t be acceptable to not invite a lot more of his family to the wedding. we are paying for most of the wedding ourselves and are already trying to cut the guest list down! i have a pretty equal balance of family from both sides being invited. but this really hurt my feelings because i’m trying, we just aren’t made of money and my finance isn’t even close to most of his family! i don’t want to upset them but i don’t really feel like inviting people neither of us with to have there. has anyone else gone through this? what did you do? i definately want his parents on our side and am hoping they end up giving us some $$$….sigh.
Post # 3
Plan the wedding you can afford without relying on money from anyone. That way, you won’t feel pressured to given in to their demands. Set your budget and guest list and stick to it!
Post # 4
Wow, that was really inappropriate of her to pull you aside like that! It sounds like it’s not really a question of whether you should invite more family, but whether you can invite more. You and your FI just need to lay things on the line – you do not have the money for all of his family and the budget will not change as it stands now. Maybe they will contribute to the wedding knowing this information, but you should at least be open with them and curb their expectations.
Post # 5
yeahhhh. i found it inappropriate timing, for sure. when i told my FI after the fact, he was furious.
Post # 6
Usually rule of thumb is if the parents are paying then they get a say in guest list. However, if you are paying for the invites and venue and food you get a say in who is invited. I would just tell them you have a specific budget to work with (and any seating capacities if you have any).
Post # 7
ok so this is a lesson I learned fast…. FI and I are paying for our wedding ourselves and Im in the same position (my side would have a lot less to invite). His families list (if they had their way) would be like 300-400 ppl if they invited everyone they thought needed to be there.
I simply sat down with the ones who were insisting (in my case the IL’s, in your case the possible inlaws but also the family that pulled you aside) and say “Our budget is not flexible…the wedding we are having will cost a certain amount per person and we can’t afford anyone more then ____ people…if you personally think these people are so important to be there (because it doesnt matter to FI and I if they are) then you guys need to figure out some finances to compensate/contribute…. Im not having dominos pizza and Luckys beer in a parkinglot just so I can “afford” to invite all these extra people that are not on the bride and grooms list…. YOU GUYS FIGURE IT OUT moneywise or this discussion is over, END OF STORY”
You will see very fast just “how impt” those people are 😉 trust me
Ive had a lot of “requests” come my way that all I need to say is….sure… if you figure it out and pay for it, go ahead… “oh I guess its not THAT important…..”
Post # 8
@amandasouthcarolina: Have you FI reach out to them to tell that 1) they should approach both of you regarding any wedding issues and you are both very upset at both how and what was communicated to his FI (the bride), 2) you both invited initially only immediate family to the engagement party and later expanded to include your aunt and uncle but not the brides, so in fact it was a completely unjustified and uncalled for comment, and 3) you are planning the wedding you can afford, which regretably may not include everyone you would like to attend.
Post # 9
I had the same issue. It came down to… We are inviting 60 people. we each get 30 seats, 4 seats each are us and the bridal party… then our parents and siblings. We each had about 20 seats each to fill……if his parents want to fight with him about who goes in those 20 seats they can have at it lol
Post # 11
thank you, everyone! i’m glad i’m not alone, haha. it makes me feel better!!! i’m going to let my FI talk to them (they should have talked to him in the first place…i don’t even know names of half of his family!) and let them duke it out. it should be interesting…he can be sassy. ha. thank you!