Dealing with his past

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

samryle:  

There is nothing to be gained by focusing on your boyfriend’s past. He wasn’t even with you when he slept with that other woman, so I don’t understand what you are jealous of. If you wanted a man who never had any other ladies in his bed except you, then you should have chosen a virgin. 

He is with you now and that all that matters. I assume that your boyfriend lied because he knew you would judge him harshly. Let the past go. 

Post # 3
Member
7243 posts
Busy Beekeeper

samryle:  Poor guy. You need to get over this. His past is his past and you have no claim or right over it. And I am a bit dumbfounded that you think it is appropriate behaviour in an adult relationship to manipulate and force someone into telling you something private about their past, a past that has absolutely nothing to do with you or your current relationship.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

samryle:  I understand you are jealous of this girl. That’s normal, but he didn’t actually do anything wrong as you weren’t together. He probably omitted details to avoid a fight and to not hurt your feelings. As long as he’s not talking to her now and is full committed to you then you have to let it go. This resentment and jealously will wind up destroying your relationship. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
41840 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

He likely lied as he knew that you are incredibly insecure and would freak out if he told you the truth.

Everyone has history before they  meet their life partner. Drop it or you may never get that far.

Post # 8
Member
41840 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

samryle:  You had sex with him when you first met him:

So when my boyfriend and i first met, we had sex

so clearly casual sex isn’t a problem for you. Why hold it against him?

I sincerely doubt that you would have been happier if he fessed up in the beginning.

Post # 11
Member
7243 posts
Busy Beekeeper

samryle:  The trouble is your past is your issue, your trust issues are your issues and it is extremely unfair to project your issues onto him and to hold him accountable for things that happened in your past with different people.

It keeps popping up because you keep bringing it up. Someones past, before you, can not hurt you unless you fixate on it and make it an issue and turn it into something that can potentially hurt you like your partner leaving due to your insecurities.

You forced him into a lie. Let’s be totally honest here, whether he told you or not you were clearly going to hold his past against him, so he sensed not telling you was a better option. The fact still remains you had no right to ask the details of his past personal life. The information you have the right to know is if he is free from STI’s. 

I suggest you see a therapist because you will never have a healthy relationship unless you work on your issues.

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  j_jaye.
Post # 13
Member
7243 posts
Busy Beekeeper

samryle:  Well clearly he was 100% on board with that  I mean since he was totally open with you.

The fact is that it sounds like he knew of your insecurities and agreed with you to keep you happy but felt he had a right to his privacy. Which he 100% does.

As I said I think you would benefit a great deal by going to therapy. From this post I am getting that all you want is for someone to tell you thst you were right and he was wrong and that you have a right to his inner most thoughts and history, all of which are troubling and controlling traits to have in a relationship.

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  j_jaye.
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